


Unsteady

by AchillesLament (11Mydesign11), You_Are_As_Alone_As_I_Am



Category: Charlie Countryman (2013), Hannibal Extended Universe - Fandom, The Path (TV)
Genre: #EatTheRare, #PathDogs, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Canon-Typical Violence, Confusion, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Falling In Love, First Meetings, First Time, Jealousy, M/M, Manipulation, Not super slow, Obsession, Possessive Behavior, Religious Conflict, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2019-03-31
Packaged: 2019-06-14 12:52:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 68,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15389163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11Mydesign11/pseuds/AchillesLament, https://archiveofourown.org/users/You_Are_As_Alone_As_I_Am/pseuds/You_Are_As_Alone_As_I_Am
Summary: Cal Roberts has left the Meyerist movement behind in New York, and is striving to make his own path in Miami, Florida. He’s living in a posh high rise hotel and doing pricey motivational seminars for businessmen and self improvement junkies looking to find their next big thing, a way out of the usual crutches we all lean on to get through this miserable life. When he meets a local “dealer” who’s just lost his best client to Cal, everything turns upside down for him. The Light never gives you more than you can handle...right?





	1. Chapter 1

Bucharest was done. Nigel was done with it. With her. With fucking everything having to do with that shit hole of a place. Gabi could just keep her runty cunt of a lover, Charlie. He knew that eventually, she'd see that she couldn't just go from a man like Nigel Ibanescu, to a rat-faced American nobody like that boy. When she finally did figure it out? Too late, darling. 

Nigel was done. It was why he'd left all together. Miami, Florida now. The U S of fuckin' A. The Romanian went there thanks to Darko planting the seed. A connection. A Colombian drug lord to start, Mateo Rojas. All the powder right there. Rojas and the Romanians from Bucharest were coming together.

It was so successful a union that Darko would likely come to the states as well. It didn't matter though, Nigel could handle it whether he did or didn’t join him. He had enough money now that he started a little strip club, his apartment just above it. More funds were needed though, but it was coming along nicely, and he had a good portion of the Miami Dade Police Department in his pocket too.

Mateo had never been happier with a collaboration. It worked out well for all parties involved.

One customer that really lined Nigel's own pockets, however, was an ex professional football player named Harold. He never could remember the emotional ass ginger's last name. It didn't matter. The neurotic ball player bought enough shit for himself, his broads, and his boys, that the Romanian drug lord was sure to reach his financial goal soon enough.

That was until he received a very unpleasant text message last night. Quite the woeful fucking situation now. Old Harold had a change of heart. No more drugs for him and well, that simply wouldn't do. Nigel would pay him a visit first.

The next evening he did just that, in an all black business suit, no tie, hair combed neatly. He knocked on the door three times.

A big red headed, uncertain looking man opened it, his eyes darting around before he stepped back and let Nigel in.

"Nigel, hey, I wasn't expecting you."

Nigel laughed, looking around. "No, of course you weren't," he said, and placed his hand on Harold's shoulder, walking with him over to the couch.

"Can I be honest with you, Harold?" Nigel asked, ushering him to sit. Harold did. He was bigger than Nigel but in just the short time the Romanian had been in town, around six months now, his reputation had grown, and even a well built, sturdy man like Harold knew better than to try to pick a fight.

"Yes, you can be. I... I paid you everything from before," Harold said, though the last word sounded like a question.

"You did. I appreciate your fuckin' patronage, but see, I'm worried about you. You're up, you're down. These habits changing back and forth are never good on the soul. I hope you're taking care of that?"

Harold nodded, sweat beading on his brow. "Oh I am. It's all thanks to... well that's not important. I know you're busy but I think I can quit  _ this _ time."

That made Nigel happy - the sweating, the uncertainty. It meant progress. Intimidation also would likely lead to more sales. But what wasn't the stupid meat-headed fuck not saying?

With another fangy grin, one that didn't reach his eyes, Nigel patted Harold's arm. "You can tell me. Someone's been talking to you? Have  _ you _ been talking?"

"No, not about you. Fuck that. I wouldn't do that. Not to you. I'd like to think we're friends," Harold said, his tone almost shakey.

"We are," Nigel said deceitfully, and then stood up quickly, which made Harold jerk slightly. Especially when he caught a glimpse of the gun tucked into the back of Nigel’s trousers thanks to the outline it was making. That was intentional naturally.

Stalking the room, Nigel took that moment to look around, giving some silent space so that Harold could grow even more nervous. That's where he saw it. A pamphlet. _ Climb your own personal ladder.  _ Or some shit. It had a picture of some muscular short haired fuck on the front. Granted, a good looking guy, but that wasn’t the point. Still, good to put a face to it all. And those eyes? Those looks? Likely how that asshole lured people into his bullshit program. Personal ladder?  _ Fuck off. _

"Well I won't overstay my welcome then, just wanted to check on you, hm?" Nigel said, leaning against the doorway. Harold hadn't even noticed it when he'd slipped that pamphlet into his pocket.

"Enjoy your motivational talks, and your newfound sobriety, and I'll leave you to it, but I think it's best that no one knows about my little visit here tonight, eh? God knows it can all turn to blood in the blink of an eye."

Nigel smiled as Harold nodded rapidly and stood. He offered Nigel a cigar then. A whole box of them.

"Please take these. A token of my respect and our friendship."

The Romanian took the wooden box and smirked. "Yeah. Alright. I'll keep you in mind when I smoke these. Just know I'll be seeing you around sometime soon. I don't lose touch with my friends. Call me if you need anything. Sometimes words don’t offer all the support you might need."

***

Nigel got back to his car and pulled out the pamphlet, examining it. There was a talk tonight. What a coincidence. Good, less time to wait. He was ready to get rid of that obstacle and start making the revenue again.

Lighting up a cigarette, Nigel set the cigars aside, and cranked up his mustang. Taking a drag of his smoke, he pulled out onto the road rapidly, heading to address on the back of the paper.

It didn't take him too long to get there, he’d finished smoking by the time he had, and parked, getting out. Nigel stood in the back, against the wall, nearly in the dark corner waiting for this... Cal Roberts, to show up and start spouting out his bullshit to all the gullible, weak minded fucks.

Nigel's presence was menacing, yet still he looked professional. In a dangerous, ruggedly handsome sort of way. He stood out, yet blended in, like some sort of exotic black panther or tiger.

This would be interesting, but Nigel wasn't leaving tonight without a one on one with Mister Roberts.

Cal scanned the room, making eye contact with whoever would meet his blue gaze, evaluating, reading, seeing as much as he could, as far as he could. He did his research on most of the registrants; a benefit of having picked up investigative skills while in The Movement was he could find out anything about anyone within 24 hours or less. Things like their almamater, job history, marital status, Facebook profile – that was low-hanging fruit. What gave Cal that extra edge was going that step further, dancing just along the edge of what some might call “invasion of privacy”. It was all for the greater good, though, he reasoned with himself. It was not as though he was doing anything bad with the details, exactly.

For example, the rumpled, defeated looking middle-aged man in the second row. Just the seat he chose alone told him something about him. Second row: he wanted something new, he wanted to make a change, he’s desperate. Off to the right side of the room – he was intimidated, scared, uncertain. Harboring a ton of self-doubt. Doug was going through a nasty divorce and custody battle over his only son with his wife, who had cheated on him with a man fifteen years his junior. He’d lost his job of twenty years when the company he worked for folded. And he was struggling with high blood pressure. It was all Cal needed to focus on the man and utilize him to galvanize his crowd.

Everyone had taken their seats when he saw another man standing against the wall in the back. Tall, broad-shouldered, commanding, trying hard to go unnoticed. He stuck out to him as not remotely the sort that ever came to his talks; swaggering, confident, almost arrogant, clad in an all black suit, mostly in the shadow but for piercing eyes and sharp cheekbones. He was not there for the motivational speech, that much was clear. It didn’t matter; Cal was there to work.  

“Human desire. What do we want out of life?  _ Really want. _ Love, youth, sex, travel, money? Money’s a big one, right? People enjoy talking about it- what if you won a million dollars, what would you spend it on? It’s a fun fantasy.  Think about it, your wildest dreams, what you want in life. What would that even feel like? What would it be like to not worry about paying your rent, or how you were going to feed your family, or make the electric bill, or replace the timing belt, or pay for your heart medication?”

Cal folded his arms across his broad chest and paced in front of the room, stroking his chin thoughtfully.

“Without things like the worry for money and the necessities of life, what’s after that? There’s the fantasy stuff – houses, trips, boats, cars. But what’s next? The recent spate of suicides tells us rich people - famous people – they have the same problems clearly that we all do. Loneliness, depression, isolation. Many of us think, myself included,  _ if I just had a few thousand bucks to tide me over, if only that one guy or girl would give me the time of day, if I could just get that promotion, if only so and so would recognize me for my talent, would see me as capable, then I’d be happy… _ if only, if only. Always chasing these  _ if onlys _ . But what if none of that is what it’s about? There are successful, beautiful, wealthy people with rich, abundant lives, people who have it all, and it’s not enough. There is still, even  _ still _ such an overwhelming burden of grief and sadness and pain there. It weighs you down, you feel it? Right here,” he said, his fist balled into the center of his taut belly, his black polo shirt clinging tightly to washboard abs. Cal leaned down to meet the pained gaze of Doug, the man in the second row.

“You…what’s your name again?”

The man looked around uncertainly and back at Cal. “M-m-me?”

“Yes, you…”

“Doug,” he answered.

“Doug, I can see in your eyes you feel that pain, don’t you? Come here, just a moment. It’s okay, just come stand here with me. I need your help for this.” Cal opened his arms and softened his gaze, smiling warmly at the man, palms upward and reaching out.

Doug rose, cheeks red, and Cal moved towards him into the seats to take his hand and guide him to the front. Facing him and looking at him, his eyes were intense, as though he were the only one in the room. Doug swallowed hard, finding it was almost too much and yet he couldn’t look away. Cal held his hands, and it seemed like it should be far too intimate and invasive but for some reason, it just felt comforting.

Cal inhaled deeply and exhaled through his nostrils, subconsciously syncing Doug’s slower breathing with his own, and the man relaxed.

“Someone is trying to strip everything that matters to you away from you. You’ve lost so much. You’ve lost everything. You’re grieving. What you need to know today, Doug, is that everything you truly need, is already inside you, and that’s something no one can ever take from you. You have the power inside you to guide you towards your own enlightenment. All you have to do is seize it. Take it for yourself. If you could only see the light I see inside you, Doug, the beauty and strength in your soul, everything you need is right here,” Cal said, blue eyes dampening with emotion as he placed one hand on the man’s chest and smiled.

Doug blinked in disbelief, amazed at Cal’s words but unable to say anything. Cal continued.

“You’re so much more than what she thinks you are, than what any of them think of you, than how they’ve treated you. You are your child’s father, all the man he needs you to be, and you are enough, Doug. You are more than enough. And I can show you how to exceed even your wildest hopes and dreams of what you see for yourself. I can guide to to taking that power in your own hands for yourself. You want that, don’t you Doug?” Cal’s voice resonated with richness and power as he spoke.

Doug’s breath came out unsteady as he looked at Cal and gasped with emotion, and his eyes filling with tears that spilled down his face. “How...how did you know...I-I-I-I  _ do _ , you’re right, yes, you’re right. My god, you’re so right! I do!!” he exclaimed, and threw his arms around Cal, shaking with sobs.

Cal rubbed his back and nodded, laughing with ecstatic joy. “You have it Doug, that’s it! See, you all have it, you can  _ all have this _ . We have so much more to learn, and we can take this journey of conquering the darkness and fear and old destructive damage together! I want you all with me on this path of unburdening and freeing ourselves like Doug here!” Cal released the man and gestured wildly, the crowd on its feet and people clapping and cheering, the energy in the room whipped into a frenzy of excitement over all they’d just witnessed. No longer was the looming man in the back of the room, he had vanished by that point.

***

The crowd had dwindled down and Cal wiped the sweat from his forehead with a rag as he gathered his belongings into his gym bag and prepared to head out. His hand was on the light to turn it off when he caught movement in the doorway. “Hello?” he called out. 

Cigarette smoke was in the air, Nigel having walked out amid all the fuckery and bullshit to get some nicotine. He strolled in the room, now void of anyone but the two of them. “Hello,” he replied, stepping into the light so he could be seen. “Cal Roberts, right? I was here for your, uh, your fuckin’ talk thingy. I have to wonder if you could help me.” A light, but still rough chuckle as he approached Cal and offered a scarred, tattooed hand towards him. “I’m Nigel. Nigel Ibanescu.” 

Cal’s chin tilted up, he managed an evaluating look and a puzzled smile. “I am Cal. Pleasure to meet you, Nigel Ibanescu. What- what can I help you with?” he asked, shaking Nigel’s offered hand.  _ Fuck.  _ This guy had  _ dangerous  _ written all over him. Was he related to someone who’d been wronged by the movement, someone who wanted revenge? He’d been out of there long enough, but who knows where they’d track him. It wouldn’t be hard with all this advertising - he wasn’t exactly in hiding. Cal kept his eyes fixed confidently on the other man’s. The best thing to do would be stay calm, find out who he was, what he wanted, and what he  _ needed. _

“A pleasure is it?” Nigel barked out a laugh, knowing he was trying to placate and win him over already. He’d heard of the Myereist movement, but not enough to be working for them or wanting revenge. No, this was just about profit margins. “Let’s not talk here, hm? Too many eyes and ears for my liking. I think we could benefit, mutually, from a nice chat. My car’s just outside, or we can take a walk if you want,” he offered, charming, but there was also an edge in his words - one that was serrated, and one that left no room for discussion over the proposition.

“A walk sounds fine. I usually run about this time of night anyway.” Yeah, after what had happened with Mr Ridge, better to be safe not knowing what this man wanted. Gesturing for Nigel to follow him out, the man did so, and then he put the key in the door to twist it closed. “Shall we?”

Out in the street, Cal turned to the side and surveyed him. He was strikingly handsome. Exotic looking, though that much was clear from his thick accent. Hard to place. Shaggy ash blond hair, sharp but beautiful features. Almost delicate, but with dark edges everywhere and blood red eyes. “So tell me, how can I help you, Mr Ibanescu?” he asked in a friendly voice.

“I’ll spare you a similar bullshit like you were giving to your… followers in there, and be upfront since the clock is ticking,” Nigel said with a squint, lightening up a cigarette. He held out the pack to Cal in offering, though he didn’t expect him to actually take one. As he took a drag, he met Cal’s eyes, not unaware of his attractiveness. If it were any other circumstance he might be already have this one in bed by now. “We have a friend in common. Harold. Ex-ball player or some shit. Ring a bell?”

Cal side-eyed the proffered smoke and waved his hand. “No, thanks. Uh, yes, I know Harold. He’s an NFL Superbowl champion in my program. Did he refer you to me?” he asked, still hoping for an optimistic outcome.

Nigel just wanted to get this shit sorted. He put away his cigarettes and leaned against the wall outside, taking another drag. “You could say that he did,” he chuckled, and then pushed off the wall. Starting to walk, he touched Cal’s arm, encouraging him. “Like I said though, I’m not one for bullshit, gorgeous. I’m here because we need to come to an arrangement. Meaning I need you to kick Harold out of your program. Let’s say I give you twenty-four hours, but that’s the best I can do, okay?”

Cal’s back straightened at the  _ gorgeous _ quip as well as the contact, and he blushed but didn’t back down. He cleared his throat, jaw shifting, as he squinted at Nigel and formed a confused smile.

“Kick him out? Twenty-four hours and then what, exactly? I’m not quite following, uh, Mr Ibanescu. How do you know Harold again? I didn’t quite catch that,” Cal said, not cowering but squaring his shoulders, feet solidly apart to ground him as he stood before the taller man.

Nigel moved his hand and when they reached a little wooded area, a street light shining down on some benches, not really in the forest but more a resting place, he stopped walking. “Call me Nigel,” he said, taking one last puff, then dropping it to crush under his shoe. “I scratch his back, he scratches mine, you could say,” Nigel rasped, running his fingers through his long ashen locks. “Best not to worry too much about things that don’t concern us. Focus on our own… ladder. That’s what you want, yeah? To keep on fuckin’ climbing? Consider Harold a broken rung. Might even make it worth your while too.”

Cal turned to looked directly at Nigel as they stopped. Harold was paying him a great deal of money to keep him in his employ- in fact, he was his main source of income, putting him up in a posh Miami hotel, and there was no way he was going to let him go.“Is he in some kind of trouble with you? Because I can assure you,  _ Nigel _ , I’m a very reasonable man and I’m sure we can work something out, whatever the problem is.” Cal smiled again, easily and calmly, placing a hand on Nigel’s thick bicep to try and make a connection, assure him of his openness and earnestness.

Nigel’s eyes stayed fixed on Cal’s, his bicep flexing under the hand there. Anyone else? He’d have attacked by now. There was something about this one though. Scratching his jaw, he grinned, sharp fangs peeking down behind his full curved upper lip. “To tell you the truth, blue-eyes, your association with him, your hold on him or whatever, it’s fucking with my profits. Which is my primary agenda item at present,” he said, then looked at the hand on his arm, and back to Cal. “Let it be known that Nigel Ibanescu can be a reasonable, benevolent man, because I think I’d like to hear what you propose. Maybe we should take this back to my place or yours? Or hell, a bar if that makes you feel better. Deals are best struck with a drink to throw back.”

Cal licked his lips as his nerves kicked in slightly, and his smile faltered for only a second. A temptation, to be sure, but just because he went to a bar didn’t mean he’d have to drink. Besides, this might remain safer if kept in public. “There’s one around the corner from here,” he offered, thinking the bar downstairs in his hotel might not be the best idea, but at least it was familiar ground, which might give him a slight advantage. “I’ll buy,  _ Nigel _ ,” he said, again, figuring killing him with kindness might be the best way to assuage this strange man and hopefully smooth over whatever it was he wanted with Harold. His hand was still on that thick bicep, and he noticed how long it had lingered a little late as he moved it.  

Nigel noticed too, and with that, combined with the well built motivational speaker’s beauty, his interests were shifting, just a touch. He still had his goal though, that wasn’t changing. If Cal wanted to buy his drink? Why the fuck not? Nigel didn’t have anything to do other than that tonight anyway, and oddly, having some company, even if it was business? Wasn’t a bad thing, he decided. “Alright then, after you, hm?”

This was turning out to be an interesting meeting. Cal didn’t look like a pushover, and neither was Nigel; who knew if they’d come to an amicable agreement.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a short walk, and the evening air was warm. Cal walked with a confident gait, never one to betray any fear, and he led the taller man through the glass revolving doors of the expensive hotel, through the lobby and to the hotel bar. He’d only darkened it’s doorstep once; that meeting with Harold’s peers. That was difficult enough, what with all of them goading him into that drink. This would be different, though. This was one on one. He was at his best one on one. 

“What would you like, Nigel?” he asked once they reached the empty bar, using direct eye contact and his name yet again. Aggressive, sure of himself, but friendly. The bartender stood at the far end wiping a glass and watching a football game on the overhead screen, glancing at Cal as he waved him over with a grin.

“Whiskey, straight,” Nigel said, his own presence commanding. His shoulders were squared, posture straight, making him seem even taller as he hip checked the bar and watched Cal, occasionally glancing at the bartender. Noticing ashtrays, he pulled out his pack and lit up another cigarette. Must be a place that was grandfathered in or some shit, since almost everywhere seemed to frown on smoking. “What’s  _ your _ poison, Cal?”

Nigel could play into that shit too, using names and all that, eye contact, the works. He wasn’t a man who was intimidated or manipulated. Gabi used to, in some ways. She’d flutter her lashes, smile at him, use the love he had for her to get what she wanted. None of it mattered in the end.

“Oh, I’ll have a diet coke,” he said as the bartender approached. “One coke and a whiskey straight,” he said, slapping a twenty on the bar and leaning against it, elbows back on the wood. It would have to be small talk until they had the privacy of the booth in the corner. “You like football at all?” he asked, nodding at the screen.

Casting his eyes up at the television, Nigel shook his head with a rough laugh. “Never saw the point in that. American football even less. You a big fan? That why you’re not ready to let go of our mutual friend?”

“You might say I’m more interested in the man than the game. He’s got a lot of folks in his life only interested in what they can get out of him, but not many that look past that to what a toll it’s taken on his mind and spirit,” Cal said, taking a swig of his drink.

Small talk but with a purpose. Nigel leaned over and took his whiskey when the bartender came back. “Thanks,” he said to Cal, not being without manners, he just didn’t always use them. “So, I take it you don’t drink?”

“Not really, no,” Cal answered crisply, not keen on getting into it any further.

He took the change from the barkeep, sliding a few back his way for a tip, and dipped his chin towards Nigel, nodding towards the dark corner booth for him to follow. Nigel did.

Cal led, walking in front and turning back as they reached the corner to sit down. The Romanian sat, stretching out, after setting his whiskey down. He didn’t push the drinking bit because he didn’t care that fuckin’ much anyway. With a look from amber to blue, he took another drag of his cigarette and tapped off the ash before placing it on the ashtray.

“So what’s your proposal, gorgeous? Let’s hear your idea first.”

Cal took a sip of his soda and focused his gaze on Nigel’s sharp eyes. They appeared almost gold in this light. “I’m guessing, given Harold’s  _ vices _ that you’re his...supplier. And you want me to kick him out of my program because you’re losing a good customer. Well, Nigel, problem is, he’s also my biggest client. And he actually  _ wants _ to get clean. Guy has a kid, and the judge isn’t going to let him continue visitation if he violates his parole. Staying clean is part of that. He’s paying me to keep him on the straight and narrow.” Cal bit his lip and looked around the bar. “But...I mean...what else can I do? If this is what he  _ wants _ …”

“Let’s be careful now. Sometimes we say things without thinking of the repercussions,” Nigel said, referring to Cal outwardly saying he knew who Nigel was and what he did for a living. Still, he’d already decided he liked Cal enough to not kill him. He really  _ should _ . It would profit his business, but fuck, if he wasn’t developing some sort of soft spot for him. He was at the very least intrigued. Hell, maybe he just wanted his dick wet. It had been a while since he’d had any, and being the romantic that he was hadn’t worked for him in years. Besides, love drove him insane, always had, always would. Shaking his head, Nigel took one more drag, then another pull from his glass, freeing his hands after. “Look, darling, the deal is this. We both profit from Harold, and it’s not hard to tip him one way or another. The cunt has a weak constitution. Do you really care about him? Authentically? No bullshit either, yeah?”

How much could Cal care about Harold, he was  _ paying _ Cal to help him after all. It wasn’t free.

Cal leveled a look at Nigel, holding his gaze unwaveringly as he drank from his glass and let the ice cubes clink together around the bubbling, dark fluid. His adam’s apple bobbed up and down the long column of his neck and he licked his lips. “I care  _ deeply _ for  _ everyone  _ who comes to me with a willing, open heart for help, looking for answers and hope, Nigel. What I offer people is  _ real _ ,” he said, each word formed crisply, pupils wide under the lowlights of the bar, one hand on the table as he traced the grooves of wood with his fingertips. “Not a temporary high that can be bought, but freedom of the soul.”   

“And what do you offer them, blue eyes? To climb some imaginary ladder?” Nigel asked, skeptical of all religions but even more so of those who gave motivational talks for a fee. But fuck it. Nigel sighed then held up his hand before Cal could answer. Downing the rest of his whiskey, he licked his lips. “Not trying to ah, hate on your line of work, but if you really cared, you wouldn’t be charging. We’re both in a similar businesses. We just go about it in different ways and right now, Harold is a common denominator for our profit margins.” Another pause. “What’s he giving you? How much is he worth to you, or you worth to him?” 

Cal continued tracing patterns in the wood with condensation from his glass. “He pays for my suite. Living accommodations. A stipend of roughly ten grand a month, though I’m putting most of it away. He tried buying me a fancy sports car, but I returned it. Didn’t need it. I live simply, humbly. I wouldn’t even need the place he got me, but he insisted.” Taking another swig of cola, he drained the glass and set it down. “I’m very disciplined. I don’t do this for the money. I help people. That’s...it’s what I do...what I’m  _ good  _ at.” He looked at his hands and back at Nigel, knowing a man like him probably thought this was all bullshit.

“Sounds like he wants to fuck you, darling,” Nigel snorted, more referring to the sports car comment, as well as the fact that, from the sound of it, he was paying Cal to be at his beck and call. Leaning on the table, forearms bulging, Nigel tapped his tattooed finger against his skin, thinking things over. Again, were it anyone else? The Romanian would have took the problem out of the equation all together. Evidently, this wasn’t one of those situations. “I have no doubts that you’re very good at what you do, but we all need money, hm? You still haven’t admitted to caring for this emotional cunt we share in common, but that’s not my fuckin’ business. Like I said, I’ll give you twenty-four hours to think over this, and seek me out.”

Nigel pulled a card out from his suit coat pocket and slid it over towards Cal, it had his number and his name. Nothing more. “Want another... _ soda _ there?”

Cal turned the card over between his long fingers, brow furrowed. This guy was...was he  _ coming on  _ to him? He looked up slowly at Nigel, and had to admit, the man had a dangerous, exotic allure, a sensuality to him that was incredibly attractive. “Thank you, Nigel, but no, I’m good.”

“That’s a shame. Not really ready to see our conversation end tonight, you know?” Nigel said, grinning wolfishly at Cal, his feathery strands hanging in his eyes until he brushed them back. 

“So you are, what, offering to match what he gives me if I throw him out?” Cal asked with his lips curled into an incredulous smirk.

“I just might be. Or maybe I can offer you something even better than money, since you aren’t doing this for the cash, as you said,” he smirked, proving his point there, but it wasn’t really an insult either. “You think I’m broke as fuck, is that it, darling?”

Cal felt himself blush, an embarrassingly deep warmth washing up his collarbone and cheeks, and his eyes dropped down, lashes lowering as his breathing grew slightly more labored. He faked a chuckle and shook his head, blinking quickly. “No, no, certainly not, ahhh, no, I don’t think you’re broke,” he stammered between sharp inhales through flared nostrils. The way Nigel looked at him was nearly scandalous, and very transparent. Cal certainly knew, on some level, he was  _ attractive _ ; he’d used that to his advantage before in his line of work, but always only to bring people to the Light, or well, to a better life for themselves. If he was being completely honest, on occasion to get people to see things his way, but his motives were always good.  _ Usually _ good.

Nigel kept quiet, waiting for the last bit to be answered as Cal pursed his lips together tightly and shifted his jaw. He licked them nervously and scooted out of the booth to go. “That’s uhm. That’s a very entertaining offer. I have your card, now Nigel, so please let me think on this, and call you, okay? Could- could you give me more time?” Cal replied, finally meeting his gaze and smiling as honestly and sweetly as he could. He didn’t want this man angry with him, and it was good at least he seemed to have a soft spot for him. Best to cater to that for now while he figured out what the  _ fuck _ he was going to do to get out of this. Hopefully his plea would be seen favorably by the man.

“You don’t have to kiss my ass,” Nigel said, standing up, and pulling out his keys. He knew it was likely that the motivational speaker was just blowing smoke and trying to pacify, since that’s what those types did afterall. Still he nodded, giving a smile back. “But alright. Forty-eight hours then, see that you do call me. I don’t like being disappointed, and especially not by someone with such a pretty face. Be a shame for it to get fucked up, somehow, wouldn’t it, gorgeous?”

Honestly, Nigel had no intentions of hurting Cal, nor would he force any sort of romantic or sexual encounter, but he still had business to take care of, despite the growing attraction. The latter was what made him reach out and clap a gentle hand on Cal’s quite impressive bicep. “Let’s not worry about all that though, hm? I’m sure you’ll call, and we’ll see each other again sometime rather soon. Definitely.”

Cal instinctively flexed his bicep when he felt the man’s hand on him, perhaps some form of primal male reaction, a defensive mechanism maybe, and his back stiffened, chest puffing out. “Of course, you can be sure I’ll do that one way or the other,” he said, and reached to shake Nigel’s hand firmly. He stood at full height and walked out with the man, pulling his phone from his pocket as they strolled to the door. “Just have to make a few calls. Have a good night,” he said, an excuse to stay behind and try to not reveal this was, in fact  _ his _ hotel.

Nigel nodded, giving another fangy grin and shook firmly, letting go quick enough. “Don’t let me interrupt, darling, so do I,” he said, eyeing Cal. He hadn’t missed that body language. Not for a second, but he was going to give the man some time, which would give  _ him _ time to find out more about Cal Roberts, and his little ladder line. “Remember, forty-eight hours,” he said, then walked off. His car was still back over where the talk had been held, so he took that as an easy way to walk out and loop back around, waiting to see if Cal got onto the elevator, then watch what floor it might stop on.

***

In the safety of his room, Cal sagged against the door, wiping his hand over his face. He’d been in tight spots before of course, but this was among the more dangerous ones. He locked the door and began pulling off his clothes, tossing them into the hamper as he stripped to nothing and headed to the shower.

Under the welcoming, hot spray, he leaned against the wall, head falling forward, hot beads beating down the back of his neck and soothing his tense muscles. He did his best thinking in here like this. Steadying his breathing, he took long, slow, deep breaths as he cleared his mind of the cutter, eyes closed, centering his thoughts, focused on The Light.

The Light never gives you more than you can handle.  _ Does it? _

The Light has given you the skills, intellect, and abilities to get through this, succeed, find a way. It might not be the easiest path. It might not be immediately clear. But it’s there.  _ Guide me… _ Cal thought to himself, whispering aloud.

That night laying in bed, freshly clean under the sheets in his cotton boxers, he couldn’t stop thinking of Nigel and his cheekbones, beautiful bronzed skin and gold, hypnotic eyes, smoky, deep accent, his flirtatious mannerisms cloaked in the hint of deadly violence. He’d made it clear he could be seduced. Cal had certainly done more for less, and the man was incredibly attractive. He licked his lips and sighed as he turned over and fell asleep.

***

That same night, as Cal slept, Nigel had a mission of his own. He knew the floor that Cal was staying on, he’d watched the elevator go up and stop. He just needed to know the room. It was easy enough. Getting back to his club, he put two of his best on it. Find everything they could out about Cal Roberts.

The Romanian jerked his cock that night in bed, thinking of those hypnotic blue eyes, the cupid’s bow of those pink as fuck lips, and not to mention all the muscle and apprehension he thought he might be sensing behind that confident air. Goddamn. More than that, something in Cal made him very interested in getting to know him and Nigel almost always got what he wanted.

The next morning, he had a email. Everything he needed to know that his men could dig up. No longer in the movement, some sort of replacement by a big headed Eddie Lane and his holier than thou wife, Sarah Lane. Well mostly just Eddie. He learned Cal used to have a thing for Sarah. He learned which hotel suite, and well, a bunch more really, but it was enough.

So he did what he normally did.

Nigel paid...attention. He didn’t like to call it stalking. No. He just kept an ear to the ground and his eyes focused when it came to Cal.

That meant lurking close. Watching his comings and goings, seeing, thanks to an inside man at that hotel, one who wanted to keep his fucking limbs, what Cal ordered from room service - if anything. Who came to see him - if anyone. Things like that.

Harold was being watched too.

Forty-eight hours were almost up and Nigel was back home, a cigarette dangling loosely between full lips, eyes sharp as he looked at his phone. The gorgeous motivational speaker, the ex movement leader had gotten under the Romanian’s skin. No going back now. He would call. If not… well. Surely, Cal  _ wouldn’t _ disappoint him. Nigel did so  _ hate _ to be disappointed.

***

Cal sat in his hotel room, glad he had the next two days off. Aside from a couple of one on one counselling meetings, his schedule was clear. He sat on the floor of his suite, shirt open and barefoot in a pair of cargo shorts, the back patio door open as well as a window, preferring the breeze to air conditioning. It was hot and humid, but he preferred it like this. It felt more honest somehow to sweat, maybe it gave him the illusion of working for something. Of earning  _ something _ .

He chewed on the end of a pen as he tapped on his laptop, jotting down notes and reading all he could find out about Nigel Ibanescu – which wasn’t a hell of a lot. He was on the books as a businessman, owned a club, the rest of his activities were pretty well hidden, though. He found the man did have some connections back to Romania, which explained the accent, but most of it was speculation. Cal guessed he had to be part of some kind of organized crime family from back there that dealt in drugs. He poked around enough to find someone he could probably pay for more information, but his real source was Harold. He rubbed the back of his neck and leaned back, torn about what to do. No matter what he chose, he was going to have to talk to him, and that thought made him anxious. Harold could be very volatile when provoked, and he was afraid he might slip into old ways if that happened. Of course, Nigel would love that, but Cal was still not sure what he was going to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Cal had fallen asleep on the floor when he was roused by a sharp banging on his door. Momentarily confused about what time it was, it took him several seconds before he realized what was going on, and he stumbled to his feet and over to the door. He could hear incoherent shouting on the other side, and recognized the voice as Harold’s. 

Opening it, he stood, casting a concerned look at the hulking man in his doorway. “...Harold?”

“Cal!” Harold panted, his face red and eyes very dilated. “I need to see you. I need…”

Harold pushed in past Cal, and started pacing frantically, clearly high. “I can’t do this! I.. this isn’t who I am, man! This isn’t who I am! I need to call a friend of mine. He can get me more. I found this in my bureau and I’m gone.  _ I need more!” _

He started to get watery eyes. Obviously coming to him was a plea, wasn’t it? Or was it something else? He stopped pacing and walked over to Cal, placing large hands on his shoulders, leaning closer.

Cal felt the sheer panic and agony rolling off the man in waves; he reeked of sweat and frankly when he was like this, he was capable of anything. Cal took a calming breath himself and placed both hands on each side of the redhead’s face.

“Harold, Harold, Harold, look at me.  _ Look at me. This  _ is not you. It’s not you talking, it’s the drugs. So you fucked up- it’s one time! I’ve got you now, just breathe…”

Harold took a breath. But it didn’t help. Words that were usually comforting from the movement leader, weren’t now. He pushed Cal off. “No!” he shouted, “And I  _ saw _ you with  _ him _ . Is this all some sort of game? Both of you?”

That was when the redhead reared back and clocked Cal with a hard blow to his jaw, the force of it knocking him to the floor. Cal wiped his mouth, a warm trickle of blood dripping out.

“Don’t MESS with me! You were supposed to help me! How can you help me when you’re playing me!?”

“He wanted me to kick you out of the program. Drive you back to him. But I couldn’t do that to you, Harold,” Cal said, sniffing and stepping back sideways, trying to get close enough to an end table to reach a heavy lamp.

Harold slapped his head, his eyes bugged out, face red. “You’re LYING!” he shouted, not caring that the door was open and people would hear. With his chest puffed out, he started to charge right for Cal when someone ran inside the room and tackled him.

The next sound was sickly, the cracking of bone, the slapping of flesh. Cursing in another language.

“Get off of me, you greasy fuck!”

Ah but that brought back some memories. Ol’ Charlie boy. This was different. This fucking meat-headed, ginger fucker thought he could hit Cal? The beautiful creature who currently had Nigel’s attention? No, it wouldn’t goddamned do.

“I’ve only just fuckin’ begun, boy! I’m going to usher you to your death, swiftly but efficiently,” Nigel sneered, and when Harold grabbed both of the Romanian’s wrists, Nigel used that time to headbutt him back to the ground, his hands free once again. He placed one around the ex-football players throat and gripped tight, snarling, blood in his eyes. The other retrieved his gun from the back of his pants, cocked it, and shoved it into his mouth.

“Nigel!! Nigel stop, please!!” Cal said, jumping up to try and intercede. He knew the man had just been trying to attack him, but he didn’t want bloodshed because of whatever this was. “Nigel, he’s high, he’s not  _ here _ ,” he added in the hopes it might calm the man down.

“Fuck you! Fuck both of you!” Harold yelled, once Nigel moved the gun out of his mouth. Nigel laughed, darkly, still holding the red head down. He looked over at Cal, sniffing a snarl - more out of frustration - and then turned back to Harold, who was close to passing out.

“You have an angel, son. This one right here? This gorgeous fuckin’ man?  _ He _ saved you here tonight. Be certain that it wasn’t for nothing, hm?” Nigel growled, glaring at Harold, who was trying to nod. “One false move when I let you go, and he won’t be able to next time. Let’s be certain about what we do. Clock’s ticking, this is your last chance.”

With that, he let go, and stood, keeping his gun trained on Harold, who stayed on the ground, coughing.

Cal fumbled with his phone, wiping blood from his face with the back of his hand. Stumbling to the kitchen, he pulled a tool bag out from under the kitchen counter and retrieved some zip ties. “I’ll secure his hands and feet, call the police, then I suggest you should probably go, Nigel.”

“I’m sorry but what? You think what?” Nigel asked, looking at Cal incredulously. “There’s no need to involve the police, darling. Let’s think about that. Now’s the time to be  _ fuckin’ _ rational.”

Nigel turned his attention back to Harold, who was finally groaning, trying to stand. “He’s not going to tell anyone, are you, Big Red? It would be shame if you died in a tragic accident. Maybe woke up with no hands or feet? How would you get back into the game then? Being the star football player you’re reputed to be and all.”

“No, no. I won’t… I won’t say a word. I have to get back. Please Cal, don’t call anyone.”

The Romanian grinned, and helped Harold up, slinging an arm around the blood, shaken man. “See, blue-eyes? Quiet as a church mouse, yeah?”

Cal looked between them in confused alarm, the phone in his hand undialed. Nigel wasn’t the kind of man he wanted to cross, and he had a gun. How could it be as simple as that? He quickly realized his mouth was hanging open, and he closed it, swallowing hard as his lips tightened into a thin line. Slipping the phone back in his pocket, he nodded and waved at the door. “Yes. Get out of here, Harold.  _ Go _ ,” he said, hoping everyone would just get out of this alive. He doubted at this point Nigel would kill  _ him _ , as he seemed to have some kind of affinity for him, but he didn’t trust Harold to not say or do anything else stupid in his condition. “Get out of here for fuck’s sake,” he whispered urgently.

Nigel knew that Harold wouldn’t want to risk a future potential career, nor would he want Nigel to inform one of the cops he had on payroll about the ex-football star’s little habit. Still, he pulled out his phone and sent a quick text for Harold to be followed and watched. If he talked? Well. That would be that. Literally. Definitely. The Romanian was impulsive and volatile, but not without sources, connections, and plans. “Get the fuck out of here,” Nigel added, and Harold plucked his keys off the floor. They’d been knocked free. Nigel took that opportunity to squeeze his arm. “Remember what I said, Harold old boy. I’ll be watching you. Count on it.”

After that, Harold was gone. He didn’t delay then. But he did give Cal an apologetic look as he left. A fight has sobering powers, but he was still fucked up.

Nigel walked over and shut the door, pressing down his dachshund themed orange and light blue shirt, then he smoothed his hair, turning towards Cal once he tucked his gun into the back of his shirt. “I want to apologize for my behavior,” he said, then chuckled toothily. “But from what I hear, you know how these things can be. Situations getting out of hand and all that.”

Cal fastened a single button over his belly absentmindedly as he paced the room, throwing Nigel a concerned look. “Thank you for interceding when you did. I appreciate it,” he said stopping in front of him and folding his arms over his chest. “I’m not exactly sure what’s going to happen next though. That man needs help. He needs  _ my _ help.”

“You want to help him after he did that? If I hadn’t come in, who knows what might have happened,” Nigel pointed out, licking his fangs after nodding at the thank you. He looked Cal up and down, and stepped a few inches closer. Goddamn he was beautiful. Something broken there too maybe. Something, unsteady. “And yet here you are, wanting to play tug of war with the addict. Tell you what, let me put you up someplace else. You stay with me over the weekend, I’ll get my associates to begin looking for something more fucking fitting for Mister Cal Roberts, yeah?”

Cal knew that look well. He’d seen it on Sarah’s face, in Mary’s eyes, on more than a few doe-eyed followers, male and female. Never anyone as masculine and dominant as Nigel, never anyone that made him feel so hot in such a  _ different _ way. He was always in control, the leader, the boss, in charge, but Nigel clearly commanded attention where he went. It was like two Alphas fighting for dominance and yet there was something comforting in the way he did so. But he couldn’t give that away yet, not without knowing fully what this guy’s end game was. Cal stood shoulders back, feet planted apart just enough to keep his stance firm. He debated taking him up on his offer or rejecting it. Fact was, Harold did just try to kill him, and while the man was obviously high, it wasn’t a good idea to stay here. It was not a great idea to accept help from a drug lord either.

With a heavy sigh, Cal shifted his jaw and looked down as he shook his head. “I am very grateful for the offer, but I’m going to pass. I think it’s best I get out of dodge for good. This, this is obviously not where I’m meant to share the li- I uh, my help, I guess,” he stammered awkwardly, trying to maneuver Nigel to the door with arm movements.

Nigel curled his lips, looking down at the floor for a second, then licked them, sniffing. It stung. The rejection. It wasn’t something that the Romanian was good at. Instantly, he felt it behind his eyes, his blood pumping, the obsession growing, the beast gnawing inside his chest. Cal couldn’t leave. Fuck that. With a dark, and faint grin, he drew a breath, not moving back, not yet. “Are you then? You’re very grateful, are you? You think you’re going to leave? Mabe some sleep will change your mind. Maybe then you’ll realize that what I’m offering you, I’d don’t offer lightly. I saved your fucking life,  _ darling _ . You needed my help, which to me, says the time for saving others has come to its end.”

Cal felt little flames of anger of his own nip at him, pride wounded at having to be _ saved,  _ as well as the threat of feeling he now owed this dangerous man something. Nostrils flared and he released several huffed, baffled gasps before he composed himself and his back straightened like a rod. Arms once again folded across his broad chest, biceps flexing, he lifted his chin stubbornly as he walked to the door and waited for Nigel to follow. “Perhaps so. Perhaps not. I will consider it and let you know, Mr Ibanescu,” he said crisply, before he gave him a practiced smile. “But I believe our evening has come to an end. Thank you very,  _ very _ much for coming when you did. I will repay you, I assure you.” He reached for the door to open it and extended a hand to shake the other man’s congenially.  _ All business. Keep it formal,  _ he thought to himself nervously, trying to ignore the look in the deadly, handsome man’s face.

Nigel did snarl then. He turn and pushed the door closed then swung around to face Cal again. “Throwing me out, are you? Well then. I’ll go,” he said, only then taking the hand offered to shake. He held it between both of his own, leaning towards Cal. “And I don’t need you to fucking repay me, yeah?  I did for selfish reasons. Meaning  _ I  _ want you around.” 

With this, he thumbed inside Cal’s palm, and let his fingers slip off of the motivational speaker’s, plucking his keys from his pocket. “I’ll see you around sometime soon, Mr Roberts. World’s not that large, you know?”

A wink, a toothy smile, and then Nigel left.

***

Cal didn’t waste time. He started packing up his stuff and sat on his laptop deep into the night looking for apartments anywhere he could find. Orlando might be a good option; a couple hours up the coast, plenty of tourists and businessmen. He fell asleep curled up on the floor, laptop whirring until the battery died.

Streams of sunshine woke him the next day, stiff on the floor and disoriented until he remembered the previous night’s events. Time to go out and get a few things before he left.

Showered and dressed for the day, he headed out, most of his bags packed and ready to go when he got back. 

***

It was dark by the time he got back to the hotel, but as soon as he entered, he felt his heart drop to his stomach in fear. Immediately backing against the wall, he saw the couch torn apart, cabinets knocked over and glass broken, everything in disarray. The suite had been ransacked. His luggage was strewn across the floor - clothes, toiletries...and one more thing. Gasping for breath, he quickly dropped to his knees, hands shaking as he looked in a secret compartment in his suitcase.

All the cash Harold had given him. Two hundred grand. Gone.

Cal sat there on the floor, sinking back against his heels, all the air out of his lungs as though he’d been kicked in the gut. He sat there on the floor, slumping against the chair behind him, shaking.

He had nothing now. He’d taken all the money Harold had given him out in the plan to leave. He literally had nothing. It wasn’t hard to imagine who’d done this, as he looked up to see “FUCK CAL” scrawled in his toothpaste on the side of the sliding glass patio door that wasn’t shattered.

As Harold probably saw it, he was just taking back what was his. He’d had Cal on retainer. Now he was fired. _ What the fuck am I going to do now? _

Go crawling back to Sarah and Eddie? Fuck no. He’d do just about anything before he’d do that. There had to be another way…

His eyes landed on a crumpled card on the floor under the sofa. Nigel’s card.

***

Cal was sitting in a diner booth, sipping tea, all his bags jammed in next to him. Hovering over the buttons, he thumbed the card in his hands a while before finally texting Nigel.

_ Willing to talk. At Jimmy’s Eastside. -Cal _

Nigel had been brooding. Still handling business, but he was pissed. The nerve of that guy to turn his generous offer down. Not many who said no to him were even still around to talk about it. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he took the last drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out, feeling his phone buzz on the table.

He picked it up and smiled at what he saw. Quickly, he pecked out a reply.

_ That’s what I like to hear, blue-eyes. Be there soon, don’t move. -Nigel _

***

Fifteen minutes later and Nigel walked in, black trousers and a tight black bowler shirt, sleeves rolled up, with black boots. He spotted Cal in the corner booth and took a second to look him over as he walked closer.

Nigel slid right into the booth like he owned it, a wolfish grin on his face as he let on arm rest on the back of it.

“Hello, gorgeous.”

Cal had been in this position before, and truth be told, this wasn’t nearly as bad as others. Nigel was clearly not the sort he would prefer to make deals with, but he hadn’t much choice now, and who knew...maybe The Light had guided them together for some greater purpose. He had to have faith. It was truly all he had.

“Hello again. Thank you for coming,” he said with a smile, trying to put his most charming foot forward. “I was just curious what sort of deal we might be able to make. You said you wanted to keep me around, but to do what exactly?” he asked, steeping his fingers and trying not to let his gaze linger too long on the bugling, tanned biceps or lush, full lips and certainly not those devilish, almost gold eyes.

Nigel chuckled, shaking his head but never letting his gaze falter. “You worried I might want you to be my paid prostitute? My sex slave, darling? Nah. I don’t pay for that. If -  _ when _ \- that day comes, it’ll be wanted. Fuckin’ desired, by you and me. Hell may even be some begging, yeah?” The Romanian ordered a coffee when the waitress interrupted. “As I was saying. It isn’t for that. I just wanted to offer you a place to stay, since we’re getting along so well and all. Maybe I can find some work for you too though. You are charismatic as fuck.”

Try as he might, Cal couldn’t stop the blush that washed right up his cheeks at how forward and unabashedly sexual this man was. Even in front of the waitress, not missing a beat at all. “Not to put too fine a point on it, but what makes you think I uh...am  _ interested?”  _ he asked, a brow quirked with a slight smile. “Did something about me make you think that?”

“Well, gorgeous, you keep eye fucking me,” Nigel pointed out, watching that blush then Cal’s eyes. He didn’t know if Cal was or if he wasn’t interested really but he decided he was going to go after him anyway. “So if you’re not, then you’re up to something.”

Cal picked up his cup of tea, long thick lashes fluttering a bit more than he would have liked. There was no reason to be so flustered, he told himself. Charming, be charming. Use the man’s obvious infatuation to your benefit. Lifting his gaze to meet Nigel’s, he smirked. “Well, maybe the answer is both, then, hmm? You seem to be a persuasive man, as well,  _ Nigel. _ What kind of work would you like me to do for you?” He relaxed his shoulders then, trying to use body language to convey more openness. He needed specifics, needed to secure a place to stay, find out what Nigel wanted, what he was getting at.   

Nigel noticed, he paid close attention to every wave of those black, wispy lashes, to Cal’s eyes, the curve of his lips, all of it. Honestly, the initial attraction was… well, physical, but the Romanian is definitely into what he knows so far. He also knows that Cal, being a bit of a con artist what that motivation shit, could be fucking with him now. Time would tell there. “Seems like we both are, darling,” Nigel smirked back, a little hint that he wasn’t as dumb as a lot of people seemed to think. He was brawn and brains. Hell, he even enjoyed partaking of the arts occasionally.

“I need to know more about you to place you someplace you would do well in, you know? I’m curious though, what made you change your mind? You miss me that much or did some shit go down with Big Red?”  

Cal had his pride, and briefly considered how he could spin this and hide the break in from him. But a man like Nigel would find out what had happened sooner or later, and he’d seen first hand how it looked when he was angry.

He looked down, embarrassed, and licked his lips. “My suite was ransacked. He took back all the money he’d paid me. I had planned to leave tonight, but now...well, now I have nothing,” he said, looking up at Nigel with big, sad eyes. He knew a certain look would elicit the response he needed; he just hoped it worked this time, because after Nigel his only other option was to go back to the Meyerists. And he couldn’t bear to go back to them and completely debase himself like that.

The part about Cal having planned on leaving stuck out like a sore fucking thumb. It stung. Yet here he was. Nigel knew he was his… last resort. He narrowed his eyes just faintly as he looked into those sad blues in front of him. “You need a place to stay. That’s why you’re here. I’m your last option. Maybe you want to stay with me until you save up enough again. Then I’ll come home to some sort of a note,” he said, taking a sip of his coffee that had been set down, “am I reading the signs here, darling?”

Cal’s expression fell, and his jaw shifted as he started to reply and then stopped, the beginning of an unspoken word escaping like a deflated balloon in the form of an airy vowel sound _. _

Nigel exhaled, then licked his own lips. “You can stay with me, gorgeous. You don’t have to put on a show though. I want you to come as you really are. Not any of this motivational speaker good guy bullshit.”

He wasn’t assuming Cal was bad per say, but he could read people well enough. He just wanted him to stop trying to play him for a fool. Nigel wasn’t a fool, but he had to admit, the gorgeous creature was good at what he did.

Cal looked up then, searching the other man’s face. He had a certain feminine beauty to his unusual, sharp features; the slender, delicate nose, pale, golden eyebrows that appeared barely there over the most mesmerizing pair of golden brown eyes he’d ever seen. The messy stubble and neck tattoo certainly did speak to what he did, but there was such a beauty to him, even still. Could he trust this man? Cal knew, as a criminal leader of god knows what else beyond drugs, he likely could not. But Cal thrived on helping people, and he could read them, see inside them. It was one of the things he was great at. And he could see there were deep wounds in this man that he spent a great deal of effort hiding- Cal recognized this, because so did he. Men in leadership can’t betray weaknesses, not when others are looking to  _ them _ for insight and strength.

“It’s not bullshit, though I understand why you think that,” he answered. “Not all of it is, anyway. I couldn’t do this and be believable if I didn’t buy into it too, you know.”

Nigel rubbed his jaw thoughtfully. “So that man you helped, I think his name was Dick, or Doug yeah? You did that because you care? You didn’t dig shit up on him first?” he asked, just wanting to get more of a feel for Cal really. “You know what? Fuck. You’re right to a degree. I don’t care if you enjoy helping or if you’re just trying to earn a buck. What I care about, is you. And myself. And knowing if you’re coming back home with me or not, gorgeous.” 

He hoped Cal would in all honesty. Nigel reasoned that he could get to know more about him there, figure out if he was interested in him or just trying to play the Romanian for a fool. It would be an interesting ride, and one that was more than fucking worth while. Sipping on his coffee, he waited for Cal’s decision.

Cal looked sheepish then and nodded. “I did look up details on Doug, before the seminar. I  _ used  _ him as an example- but it was for a good reason. It galvanized him to action, and inspired other to as well. Now yes, it also helps  _ me _ . It brings in more people and keeps them coming back. But what’s wrong with everyone getting what they want, what they need?” Cal finished his tea and rubbed his jaw. “And yes, if you’ll have me, I’d like to come with you and help you, too. If you’ll let me,” he said with a subtle smile.

“Course I will,” Nigel nodded, considering everything Cal was saying in lieu of replying verbally to it. Maybe his doubts came from the fact that he didn’t have it in him to help people anymore. Only those he loved or had interest in really. Gabi had taken a big part of him, just the same as though she’d killed him. He’d almost considered that to be a better option. But now here he was, in the states, and talking to Cal Roberts, ex leader of the Meyerist movement. The Romanian downed his coffee. “So it’s settled then. We can talk more about you at home then. There anything left you need to get from the hotel before we go, blue-eyes?”

There it it was again, the compliment, and he blushed, inwardly chiding himself for it. “No, the place was completely trashed. I took what he left behind and packed it as best I could. Luckily all in his name, he has to pay damages, but for a man like Harold it’s pocket change,” he said bitterly. Patting the bags under the table, he blinked up and gave a childlike smile. “Everything I own is right here. I travel light.”

Nigel felt the need to protect him then, not exactly sure what it was about that smile that elicited that, but it did. Clearly, Cal was capable of taking care of himself but Nigel couldn’t help the feeling. He smiled back, warmly, with a hint of wolfishness there too. “Well, then it won’t take long to get you settled in, darling. You ready to go?”

Cal pulled out some pocket change he had on him to pay for his tea and left it on the table. It was all he had, and he was embarrassed enough; he didn’t want to ask for Nigel to pay for something so small like he was as helpless as he truly was. “Yep, got everything, let’s go,” he said, straightening his shoulders and hoisting his bags out of the booth. Pausing, he dipped his chin to make eye contact with Nigel. “Thank you. I do appreciate this you know, and I’ll make good, I assure you. I’m no freeloader.”

That was what stopped Nigel from giving Cal the change back. He did shell out a few bills for the tip though, and then stood up. “You’re welcome, gorgeous. I know that. No worries here,” he grinned, making eye contact right back, even going further to look at those luscious lips of Cal’s. He started walking with the man outside of the place and lit up a smoke right away, drawing a long drag off of it. On the exhale, “I have no fucking doubts that you’ll earn your keep.”

Pointing with his cigarette, he looked at his black vintage mustang, then back at Cal. “It’s that one.”

Cal raised his eyebrows and smiled, not saying anything at first. He could certainly appreciate a nice car, it appealed to  _ that _ side of him. They were getting closer, Cal fighting for the right comment. “Nice ride. What...ah...what year is that? Seventy…” he started, acting as though he really knew. He had no idea.

“It’s a seventy. A mach one,” Nigel explained, grinning from ear to ear. He was impressed that Cal knew, and when they reached it, he opened the passenger door for him, but leaned against the frame first. With a lick of his lips, he eye fucked the gorgeous man, and held out his hand. “You have a good eye, beautiful. Why don’t you let me take your bags and put them in the boot , er ah, the trunk, while you get comfortable, yeah?”

Swallowing slowly, Cal’s adam’s apple bobbed the full length of his neck, and he felt like a rabbit being sized up by a wolf, trapped and cornered, and he could just feel the sweat beading along his brow and upper lip, gathering in the hollow of his throat. Taking a much needed gulp of air, he smiled shakily, trying for all he was worth to gird himself. It wasn’t that hard, how could it be? So the man found him attractive. Plenty of people had before. The difference here was, he thought, the attraction was mutual. And if he was about to be very beholden to this man, he’d need to control himself or he’d find himself in another predicament. Being very stringently disciplined was something he prided himself in, and it had been the thing he clung to in times of uncertainty.

Leaving the bags with Nigel, he climbed into the car. Normally material things weren’t a focus for him, but this was  _ nice _ . He buckled himself in, admiring the controls and interior. “I’ve never even been in a car like this. It’s pretty amazing,” he remarked as Nigel got in the driver’s seat.

Nigel started the car and grinned. “Yeah, it takes me where I need to get to and all,” he said, then backed out, throwing the car into drive, shifting effortlessly, and heading down the road.


	4. Chapter 4

The drive didn’t take long, and Nigel pulled up to his place at the strip club around back, throwing the car into park. He leaned over, opened the glove compartment and pushed the yellow button to pop the trunk, winking at Cal. “We’re here, get your shit and let’s go, gorgeous.”

The Romanian got out and waited, keys in hand, to show Cal that he wasn’t a push over, but also so that he’d know Nigel didn’t think he was weak either. It would be interesting, especially since he’d not lived with anyone since Gabi.

Cal climbed out and walked around to the trunk to get his bags. “Ah...so...is this...your place?” he asked. He hadn’t realized he’d be staying with Nigel, and now that it was clearer, he became anxious again. He assume Nigel had somewhere for him to stay, but of course...he was being naive, he knew. He inhaled and exhaled heavily and fixed a practiced smile on his face, jogging up to his side to follow him.

“Yeah, you catch on quick, blue-eyes,” Nigel smirked, then chuckled roughly. He went to the back door, where a big black haired Romanian named Anton opened the door for them. Anton looked at Cal then felt Nigel giving him a look, so he stopped and looked at the ground.

“Evening, Boss.”

“Keep your eyes in your fuckin’ head, Anton,” Nigel growled, then patted his shoulder. He looked at Cal and gestured. “After you, darling. You’ll go down the hall, take the stairs at the end of it. I’ll be right behind you. Oh and don’t mind the naked birds walking about, yeah?”

Cal looked up at the big man; he wasn’t intimidated simply by someone’s size, it was more what he could see in their eyes. Anton didn’t nearly have the same deadly cunning in his that Nigel had, nor were his eyes really anything to linger on. Not like Nigel’s. He smiled in brief greeting at the man, but the moment was lost when Nigel mentioned “birds”. A topless redhead in a lacy black thong walked by, and he couldn’t stop his gaze from following her all the way past. “That must be your girlfriend, I guess, hello,” he mumbled, trying to be polite, though she wasn’t even in the room anymore.

Nigel snorted. “No girlfriend of mine would be walking around with her tits and ass out for the world to see. She works for me, not on me, gorgeous,” he explained, though he felt a bit jealous at the way Cal was looking at her. He wanted all of Cal’s attention on him only. Still, it was normal he supposed, and he did only hire the best women he could find, as well as men. A guy walked past then. One Nigel had fucked, a young lithe but cut twink named Vince. He smiled at Nigel, dimples and all. “Hey there, handsome.”

“Hey Vince, yeah so you should get back to work, hm?”

Nigel slapped his ass as he walked past, then gestured for Cal to keep walking with him. “Not my boyfriend, though I’ve fucked him a few times.”

Cal turned to watch the boy walk away, eyes drifting to his ass too. He swallowed hard and turned back to Nigel, red to the tips of his ears. He gathered from how the Romanian spoke about them, they must be sex workers. Well, at least they looked very healthy and reasonably happy.

Cal just nodded uncomfortably, not sure what on earth positive to say about that. This world was so much different from his own, and it was a lot to take in. He followed the man, finding himself staring at Nigel’s broad shoulders and muscular back. Nigel looked back at him, and caught him. He gave Cal a predatory like look and smirked before turning back forward.

He reached the door and unlocked it to reveal a nice little apartment. It wasn’t huge, but it did the trick. Black leather L shaped sofa, part that could pull out into a sleeper, animal prints, a large flat screen, and blu-ray player with surround sound, and of course, a full bar. The place was sound proofed too, mostly so he could nap or fuck without the noise from the club downstairs.

“You can sleep here on the sofa bed, gorgeous, or if you’re feeling adventurous, my bed is a king size,” Nigel winked, closing the door behind Cal, locking it. “Either way, welcome home. I have a spare room too, but I haven’t done shit with it yet. If you prefer that, we can work on setting up for you over the next few days.”

Cal looked around and set down his bags, just one backpack and a duffle bag. “No, no need to fuss on my behalf. I’m used to living communally, this is fine. Better than fine,” he turned and gave Nigel a serious, sincere look. “Thank you Nigel, truly. I promise I won’t be under foot.”

“No doubts there,” Nigel assured, meeting Cal’s eyes. His own honeyed hues took on a warmth and he reached out to gently squeeze his bicep. Very nice. Fuck. “I’m glad you like it. Make yourself at home. Eat or drink what you want. There’s blow too, if that’s your thing. I sell it, I don’t really do it.”

Cal felt uncomfortable at that, knowing himself, knowing what he struggled with. In fact this entire situation was going to be a challenge with regard to temptation in every area. “Thank you, but no, I don’t partake in, ah, that,” he said with a weak smile. The firm hand on his upper arm was a nice distraction.

Maybe once in a great while Nigel’d have a bump to check the quality of the product, but other than that, he mostly just drank, smoked cigarettes, and had an occasional joint. He was aware that he’d just let Cal in fully on the fact that he was in fact a dealer, but he’d see it anyway.

“Bathroom is the door at the end of the hall to the right, across from my room. You need… anything, you come to me, yeah?”

Cal’s eyes flickered from Nigel’s broad chest and up his neck, over the tattoo there and to the sculpted cheekbones and plush, sinful mouth. “Y-y-y-yes, of course,” he said somewhat breathlessly.   
Nigel pressed his palm against the doorway, leaning, his muscles bulging. “Good, darling. Very good,” he purred, sweeping his tongue over the lips that Cal was staring at. “Feeling hungry?”

For food. For anything.

Cal could feel his nipples hardening under the thin fabric of his tee shirt, and inhaling deeply did nothing except draw in more of the masculine scent. “I don’t...I mean...uhm...hhhhh…” he stammered, his blue stare becoming more intense as his breathing shifted. He looked around the room nervously, wondering if anyone else was there.

There wasn’t anyone but the two of them. “Relax, gorgeous. I want to fuck you, but I meant did you want some food,” Nigel reassured, not wanting to frighten Cal. He’d love to fuck him, but he wouldn’t force that. “I could order us some pizza or some shit yeah? Or make Anton get us a couple of steaks,” he snorted. “Do you eat meat or you still eat that rabbit food like the other Meyerists?”

Nigel had done some research, or rather Darko had.

Cal exhaled in relief, and chuckled, trying to play off the first part of his statement. “Yeah I don’t eat meat, or really any animal products, so ah, no dairy either,” he said, furrowing his brows through the smile. “I don’t mean to be an imposition though. There’s an Indian place on the corner that has vegan food that’s really good.”

“Then that’s what we’ll have, or you’ll have. I’m still having my steak,” Nigel said, pulling out his phone. He texted what he wanted then with a smile, looked into Cal’s eyes. “What do you want from there?”

It occured to Nigel that it seemed… strange that Cal had reacted how he just had. His breathing had changed. Was he scared? Why would a grown man as strong and successful as Cal be worried about that? Something wasn’t adding up, but now they had time to get to know each other better.

Cal nodded a bit too hard. “Of course, we don’t - ah, I don’t - judge what you eat. They have a good Kadhai mushroom plate there. Though you should really try it sometime,” he suggested, trying to be friendly and not pushy. He sat on the edge of the sofa and folded his arms.

“Mushrooms are good, yeah,” Nigel nodded, then finished typing out the order to Anton before hitting send. He put his phone back into his pocket then fished out his smokes. “Well ah, I will be out on the patio smoking. You’re free to join me or whatever you need to fuckin’ do. Food will be here in about half an hour.”

Cal rubbed his hands together and nodded. “I think I might clean up, take a shower, if that’s alright?” he asked. Frankly a shower right now was exactly what he needed to clear his head.   
“Course. There’s towels and all the shit you’ll need right in closet inside there,” Nigel explained, giving Cal a little wink. He tried not to think about that muscular body all wet and soapy, but then decided fuck it, he’d think what he wanted. “If you need any help, just call my name, blue eyes.”

With a snort, Nigel grinned, licked his lips, and then walked off to go smoke. He’d be jerking his cock later tonight, definitely.

Cal felt his cheeks heat yet again as Nigel winked, but he just smiled and turned to walk away. It was too warm. Too tempting, that broad muscular chest and bronzed skin and those devilish eyes.

The brunet rubbed soapy lather over his skin, closing his eyes and exhaling deeply as he tried to center himself, find his ground within. Cal had a very strict, extremely sheltered life growing up in the compound, but as a young man, getting out and ministering to those in need, he’d found his way into lusts from the world of the Ignorant Systemites more than once. Mostly it had involved illicit substances, and in particular alcohol.

That, however, wasn’t the biggest temptation on Cal’s mind right now though. Instead it was six feet plus of broad muscle, the scent of cigarette smoke, musk and masculinity, and the way golden eyes looked at him, like he was undressing him, open, unashamed, aggressive desire.

He didn’t have much experience with men. Fooling around and experimenting as a teenager, clumsy touching, makeouts, jerking each other off, nothing as an adult and not “all the way”. It was his way of getting control over his past, owning his sexuality, but in the Meyerist compound there wasn’t exactly a ton of opportunity as he got older, especially the higher he climbed the ladder, when self discipline became really important. His focus was on becoming closer to the light and helping souls, and he found restricting those things helped him master himself in all areas.

The truth was, it had been awhile since he’d been with anyone, even a woman. There was Sarah, and Mary. Plenty had looked and a few came on to him almost all the time, but he didn’t act on it. It gave him a strong sense of worth to deny himself. It made him feel like even if everything else was out of control, he was not. He was his own master.

He didn’t masturbate that often either, only allowing himself release once a week. He considered making an exception now, however, as his hand drifted to his cock and he began stroking it wetly, hot water coursing over taut, sculpted muscles. Fully engorged, he leaned one hand against the shower wall as the other slipped over his veiny girth, pre come leaking freely from the head as his breath became erratic. It didn’t take long, as much as he withheld and as pent up as he was, and he was shooting across the shower wall, huffing out perhaps louder than he meant.

“Oh, fuck…”  
Toweling off, he tied it around his waist and wiped off the mirror to look at himself. He felt a bit better at least.

Nigel had returned just as he’d heard the moans and erratic breath. It was too quick for him to do anything but he grabbed his cock through his jeans and grunted once. Goddamnit. He could just picture that. Fucking sexy.

Not wanting to make Cal uncomfortable, he walked into the living room after grabbing a beer, shirt off now, and sat on the couch, messing with his phone. He’d have a nice view of him when he walked out though. Nigel wasn’t missing that.

Cal padded barefoot through the living room to where his bags were, running a hand over his still damp but close cropped hair. He spotted Nigel on the couch and wondered if he’d heard him. God, he hoped not. Still, he was suddenly keenly aware of his nudity, even with the towel on, but it couldn’t be helped - his clothes were in there.

Deciding to just play it cool and confident, he sat down on the other end of the couch near his bag and unzipped it to fish out a clean change of clothes. “That feels much better,” he remarked with a smile over at the other man.

“Does it?” Nigel asked, his tone deeper and raspier than he’d intended. He cleared his throat and smiled back, wrapping his lips around the rim of the beer bottle as he dipped his head back to take a swig. Setting it down, eyes never leaving Cal’s magnificent body, his own furry, exposed chest rising and falling, he nodded. “Yeah, you know a shower can do a lot to relax someone. Probably need to get one myself before I hit the sack later.”

Cal side-eyed him as he pulled out a pair of baggy white boxers, some khakis and a white linen shirt. He closed the duffle bag and grinned. “Well, showers will do that, you know,” he chuckled, trying to create some relaxation in the space between them, though his effort was slightly stilted. He was still feeling the heat between them. Casually he stood and stepped into the boxers, turning to face away from Nigel as he tugged them up beneath the towel, and tossed it on the arm of the couch. He could feel the other man’s eyes on him as he took the slacks and pulled them up too; he felt it would have been a bit awkward to take his clothes and change elsewhere, and besides, if he was going to be staying here, he figured it looked more confident to simply dress right there. Don’t make a big deal of things, he thought to himself.

Nigel did look, but he averted his gaze quick enough. Cal didn’t want to play right now? That was fuckin’ fine in all honesty. He could wait. The Romanian wasn’t a beggar, and he didn’t have to force or pay for sex from anyone. Besides, he was enjoying the company if nothing else. It had been a long time since he’d welcomed anyone into his home. “Yeah they do,” he chuckled. There was a knock at the door, and he got up, walking over to open it. Nigel gave Anton the money, took the food, then locked the door back, putting everything on the table. “Alright, gorgeous, dig in, yeah?”  
The food. As soon as he smelled it, his stomach rumbled loudly, and Cal patted his belly. He fastened the middle button of his shirt, and took some food out, loading up a paper plate. While Nigel messed with his food, Cal took an indulgent opportunity to let himself look the man over. God he was well built. The fur on his chest looked soft in sharp contrast with his muscular shoulders and the rest of him which was decidedly not soft. It appealed to him, though he couldn’t put a finger on why other than the man was indisputably, arrestingly, devastatingly handsome. He wanted to know more.

“What got you into this line of work, Nigel?” he asked, taking a big spoonful of the hot, soupy dish.

Nigel, who’d made his plate, sat down at the table across from Cal, and cut into his steak. His loaded baked potato was steaming, so he’d eat that in a bit. “Shitty parents,” he said with a shrug, putting some A-1 on the medium-rare t-bone. He took a big bite, chewed, swallowed, and swigged some beer. “Never knew dad but my mother, well, she died when I was ten. Overdose. I bounced around between group homes and what not till I was thirteen. That’s when I ran off and found a new family. Darko, my partner, he took me in and well, the rest is fucking history as they say, blue-eyes. It’s all I’ve done since then.”

The Romanian didn’t just share shit like that with anyone, but Cal really did have something about him that made Nigel feel comfortable opening up. Dipping his utensil into the potato, he cut his eyes to ex-movement leader. “What about you? What’s your story?”

Cal studied the Romanian’s face carefully; he could tell everything the man said was true. What’s more, he was stunned he shared so much with him. He could see behind those striking amber eyes there was pain, deep and buried under a veneer of brash confidence, and being offered a glimpse inside was something he didn’t take lightly.

The rub was talking about himself. That did not come easy at all. And he could tell Nigel would read through bullshit. No, this would require a bit of trust.

“I had a pretty shitty start in life. Both parents were alcoholic. Mom abusive...not like that, but verbally. Then my Dad found this man, Steven Meyer, and joined his group. It was - is - a spiritual movement. I was brought up there; my Dad wound up falling back into the bottle and left me there. Steve was my father from then on.” he took another thoughtful bite, sipping some of the bottled water that had been delivered with the food.

Nigel took another hearty bite, not one for being thoughtful when he ate. He did manage to wipe his mouth and made sure the food was out of it before he replied. He wasn’t a total barbarian. “Steve. I think I heard he died right? Or I might have read something about that,” he said pensively, though he had when he’d been looking into Cal. “Sorry for your loss, darling.” The Romanian didn’t miss the ‘like that’ bit in Cal’s story, but he didn’t push further on that. Still, he was fucking angry that he’d had to go through that. “Why did you leave the movement? What brought you here?”

Cal thought carefully, choosing his words deliberately after a few moments. “No, no, I’m fine, but thank you. But if you heard about Steve, then I’m sure you’ve heard about Eddie. He’s the new leader of the movement. I...I had been. There was some political shit that happened and essentially Eddie took over. I wasn’t content playing second fiddle to the Chosen One, so I came here.” He raised both eyebrows and grinned with a self deprecating shrug

“Yeah I heard about that big foreheaded bitch,” Nigel said, nodding at Cal. He took another bite and swallowed, washing it down with beer. It was good, but right now all he could focus on was the man in front of him. “Sounds like this Eddie is a scam artist. Maybe he needs someone to talk to him, hm? I know people in New York. Friends of Mateo, the guy I work with here. Some problems are erased easily enough if you have the right… network of friends, so to speak.”

Nigel was smiling at Cal but his eyes told of blood. Death. Murder. It was no skin off his nose to have that fuck taken care of for Cal.

Cal stared seriously at Nigel, and there was no doubt in his mind, in spite of his smile, he could absolutely do as he’d claimed. He blinked, thoughts running through his head of Silas, of what Sarah had done, Eddie threatening him, Mary leaving him, even Mr Ridge.

He shook his head finally, chuckling. “That’s good to know, and I appreciate the offer, but no. The Light chose him. I can’t interfere with that. I’m meant to be here for some purpose, and I might not see it now, but it will show itself.” He took another spoonful, savoring the rich flavors as he examined the Romanian. “Who knows. Maybe you’re the reason I’m here.”

All the rage bled out of Nigel’s eyes at the last bit. He smiled then, warmly, looking at his plate for a second, which caused wisps of ashy blond hair to fall with the gesture. As he glanced back up, he moved it from his eyes. “Maybe, darling. Maybe. You’re probably one of the few who thing that some light could have lead you to me,” he said, thinking how most of the ones who cross and have crossed his path, well, it wasn’t light that did it. It was pure darkness. A cloud of dark, swarming flies that buzzed around the pools of blood left behind. “As long as you’re with me. Here. I will go to war for you, if need be. You know that, yeah?”

Cal’s eyes widened at the words, suddenly so intense and ardent, and he raised his brows. Surely the man didn’t have that much of a thing for him already. It could be manipulation, but there was far too much sincerity behind his eyes, something that touched Cal deeply. “Strong words for someone you...well, we just met, you know? I uh...I’m not sure I deserve that kind of thing, but thank you, Nigel.” He wanted to explore further, particularly the things he alluded to that had caused him such pain. But this wasn’t the sort of man who would simply follow the lines and do the work just like that. It might take more effort. Still Cal felt compelled and pulled toward him.

Nigel was an obsessive lover. When he knew he wanted someone, it was … well, it was just that. It had been fairly quick with Gabi too, but this? This was entirely different. It was more intense. There was a spark, a burning ember that had burst into a flame in only a few days. Maybe it was the light in Cal’s eyes...the pain there, too. It resonated within the Romanian. That’s not even mentioning just how fucking breathtaking the man was.

At Cal’s words, Nigel pursed his lips, a burgeoning frown there. He didn’t let it. “You do, and yeah, you’re welcome, gorgeous,” he said, then sniffed, finishing his baked potato. “Tell me something. This light. This fuckin’ ah… this destiny shit you talk about. You feel like it has limits? Or could it extend to any area?”

Like love at first sight. Things like that.

“Limits? Well,” Cal replied, focusing in on Nigel with an intense look, “There’s nothing The Light doesn’t know. It sees everything - nothing is hidden or...buried. But much of the burden of responsibility is on us. It’s only as powerful as we allow it to be.” He gestured broadly, eyebrows and ears lifting animatedly as he spoke. “If you put in the work, yes, it can be limitless. The work is difficult though. Pulling up roots, digging, facing things you might not want to. Ugly things, painful things. But if you’re willing to release those burdens, and break down the barriers of what’s holding you back, weighing you down, damaging you, the rewards are just, well, mind blowing,” he said with a sincere smile. Easier said than done; these were words he himself needed to hear, as much as he needed to say them.

Nigel listened. That was saying a lot right there. He normally didn’t, not when it came to shit like that, but the...light in his eyes and the way he spoke, it was enough to have the Romanian entirely enchanted. He nodded, rubbing his stubble, then smiled at Cal. “I suppose all those things aren’t really my ah, my area of expertise, darling. I don’t dig too fuckin’ deep. I don’t run from shit either though, you know?”

Picking up his drink, he had a few more swigs. “But I don’t ever see myself becoming one with any Light either. That said, I love hearing you talk about it. Your face… it’s fucking gorgeous when you do.”

Cal let himself linger too long on lush, full lips, staring as the Romanian swallowed his beer, olive fingers rubbing the sharp line of his jaw. The way he said the words, complimenting him like that, made him feel drawn in. He blushed and smiled at Nigel, not looking away this time. “You never know, you may change your mind someday. And...thanks,” he grinned. “You’re certainly easy on the eyes yourself, though I’m sure you hear that often.”

Nigel leaned forward on the table then, strong, veiny forearms flexing with it. “I am pretty set in my decisions as a rule. Just like when I want something or someone, I don’t stop until I get the results I desire, blue-eyes.” Finishing his beer, he leaned back in the chair, stretching. “You think so? Well thank you, gorgeous. That’s a big deal coming from someone as delicious as you.”

Cal laughed and leaned back in the chair. The single fastened button of his white linen shirt strained a bit but held fast, a bit of tanned, tight belly showing through. “I’m hardly delicious as you say. I’m able to hold people’s attention when I talk, but it’s my words I hope they focus on. At any rate, you have those young ladies and young men out there at your beck and call...surely they’ve raised your standards? They all look like… models or something,” he remarked, gesturing towards the door.

“Oh I can fucking multitask, Cal, darling,” Nigel said flirtatiously. He eyed Cal’s body, what he could see above the table line at least. He gathered their plates, stacking them - an excuse to lean closer - and smiled. “Yeah they’re good looking, but nowhere near as much as you. Let’s not waste time talking about them though, eh? Back to you. You are delicious. I don’t have to have you in my mouth or on my tongue to know that.”

The Romanian rolled his head on his shoulders, keeping his eyes on the handsome man. “You could say I can sense things in that area, as well as others, eh? But back to your words… as I said, I listen to you, but you don’t have to worry about trying to sell me on anything. I want you to be yourself with me. If that means talking about the Light thingy, then by all means, gorgeous. By all fuckin’ means.”

Well, if Cal wasn’t blushing before, he was positively crimson now, and yet he was still putting in a gallant effort at remaining composed. As long as one ignored flared nostrils, a ruddy glow washing up his collarbone to the tips of his elfin ears, and the way he kept sighing so deeply, no, other than that, he was completely calm. He drained his water and surrendered it to Nigel with a nod. “The, uh, rest of your feelings notwithstanding, I’m pleased to know I can be myself around you. I’m not going to shove it down your throat though, you don’t have to worry about that,” he chuckled innocently.

Nigel always kept a keen eye. He noticed. It made him puff out his chest in a sensual way as he gallantly accepted the water glass with a nod of his head, a smile still plastered on his ruggedly handsome visage. “That’s good to know,” he said, then held up a finger, and got up. He put the dishes in the sink, and then sat back down.l, after grabbing himself another beer, and a bottle of water for Cal.

Shoving something down throats though? Well he could imagine his cock partly down Cal’s. Those fucking lips, those eyes. He had to clear his mind before he either pissed off his guest or made him uncomfortable.

“And I’ll try not to hit on you twenty-four seven. Try.” Nigel added.

How bad would it really be, flirting with this undeniably attractive, wealthy, exotic, albeit definitely dangerous man? Cal looked him up and down and smiled. “As long as you listen to some of what I say, I don’t mind at all, Nigel,” he remarked with a smile. He unscrewed the top of the water and tipped it towards him in a silent toast before wrapping his lips around the mouth and taking a long drink.

Nigel raised barely there brows then licked his lips, swallowing the unspoken toast by way of his beer. He set the bottle down with a clinck on the table. “Well that’ll be no problem, gorgeous. Already said I listen to you.”

Fuck. Nigel knew it. He just knew what was growing inside of him for Cal. The Romanian, for once, was powerless to stop it. Maybe that was exactly why love drove him insane. 


	5. Chapter 5

Cal was always an early riser, and even in a new place the fact remained the same. He wasn’t bothered sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings. Growing up raised by Steve, he’d become accustomed to moving from place to place. What kept him glued together were little parts of his routine. Like running before the crack of dawn.

The air was clean, clear, fresh, new. The chill of night and dew on the ground somehow made everything feel like a new beginning, and the world was like his private personal sanctuary. Most people were still tucked in bed, sleeping peacefully, and he had the ground beneath him all to himself. It was a way to connect to his body; he spent so much time being  _ Cal Roberts, leader, Cal Roberts, devout Meyerist, Cal Roberts, good son, _ everything everyone needed him to be, but when he ran, he was Cal Roberts for  _ himself _ . Strong, muscular legs supporting his own flesh and bone. Joints moving smoothly, heart pumping, feet connecting to the soil under his feet with every step, the familiar steady  _ thump thump _ of his heart in his chest and his own panting in his ears.

He could think. He could clear the noise and fog and think clearly like this, and it was all for him. It was nearly indulgent, but that was why he made time for it, no matter where he was or what he was doing.

Sweat beaded on his brow and collected in his collarbone, dripping down his smooth chest and making the thin fabric of his tee shirt cling to him. He paused at a tree and looked at his watch, two fingers on his neck, checking his pulse. He would be meeting his first client right at seven, at the little coffee shop down the street; he was lucky to be able to get a hold of him and change the venue. Now that he was displaced from Harold’s hotel, he’d have to find new places to meet his clients for their one-on-ones. In fact, he’d have to regroup altogether. He wasn’t going to let Harold take him away from people that still needed him.

The meeting came and went uneventfully - an older man with a crippling addiction to gambling who was trying to turn his life around. Cal was making good strides with him, but then again, this was what he was good at - and what he loved to do.

Jogging up the stairs to Nigel’s place felt strange. He’d left a note for Nigel to let him know what he was doing and where he was off to, and didn’t know if he’d be home or not. It was just before noon. Using the key he’d given him, he let himself in and looked around to see if the man was home.

Nigel had been down stairs in the club, getting the latest numbers and all since Cal had been out running. The Romanian could run, though he didn’t see a point in doing it for no reason. Either way it had been a almost a week since Cal had moved in and they were getting along. There seemed to be a sort of tension in the air and Nigel had jacked off about twice a night since they’d met.

Walking inside the apartment, he took off his jacket and looked for Cal. “Cal? You back, gorgeous?”

Cal had showered and changed, and was sitting on the floor, barefoot in a pair of sweatpants and tee shirt, working on his laptop. He looked up at Nigel and smiled. “Hi there. I hope I didn’t wake you earlier?”

Nigel drank Cal in, his boots clacking on the hardwood floor as he neared him. He smiled back, his hands going into his pockets while never letting his gaze stray. “No, no, blue eyes. I had to get up anyway, get the numbers and shit from Anton. Darko will be here in a few days too. Whole fucking team is moving here from Romanian,” he explained, not mentioning that he and Darko had plans to kill Matteo and take over the business completely. “Enjoy your run?”

Cal felt his face warm as he felt himself looked over, and in turn took in the full sight of Nigel. The man was tall, lean, long legs and tanned and commanding. He had to be the most handsome man in any room he walked in, Cal wagered. He nodded in acknowledgement of the question. “I always do. Gets my blood pumping. I uh, hope i'm not in your way here? Just have to reschedule some things,” he said, stopping to take a swig of some green puréed juice from a glass.

Nigel crouched down, thighs tightening in his slacks as he rubbed Cal’s shoulders. “You couldn’t ever be in my way, darling,” he said, his honey eyes all but glimmering. He leaned close, wetting his lips with his tongue as he gazed at Cal. “And it’s good to get the blood pumping, sure, why not. I do that in my own way though, you know?”

He smirked, seductively, then stood up, not wanting to go too far just yet with Cal.

Cal blushed at the innuendo but kept himself together, laughing roughly. “I’m sure you do. I’d ask what you’re up to this afternoon, but you’d probably have to kill me,” he remarked. He closed the lid on his laptop to give Nigel his full attention.

“You never have to worry about that,” Nigel said, incredibly serious. He smiled again after a few seconds, thinking to himself about what and how he wanted to say things. “After picking up a friend, Darko. I’m taking you to dinner. Did you forget?”

He grinned wolfishly, crossing his arms. “Guys do do that shit, after all. How about it?”

Cal blinked in surprise. “Really? I don’t think...you really don’t have to, you know,” he said, trying hard not to lick his lips, but failing. “Thank you, though,”he said.

“I know that,” Nigel said, crossing his muscular arms. He watched Cal lick his lips, paid attention to every nuance. “I don’t have to do a fucking thing, gorgeous. I  _ want _ to. If you don’t… well that’s fine too.”

Cal looked at him carefully and then stood to full height, stretching as he did. “No, I’ll come, yes. Thank you, Nigel. What time and where?”

Nigel stepped closer, having looked at that ass as Cal had stood, then the muscles that rippled with that stretch. He had to bite the inside of his mouth to try to keep from reaching full hardness. “You’re welcome,” he said, smiling. “Well I’d pick you up, but we live together. How about we leave a six. There’s a place I know in town that has a lot of vegan options too. It’ll be a surprise, yeah?” 

Amazed the man would care to accommodate his dietary needs, Cal gave a genuine, broad smile. “That’s very considerate of you, Nigel. I’ll make sure to be ready, yes. I appreciate it...and, everything you’re doing for me,” he said gratefully.

“You’re welcome,” Nigel said, his tone a deep, rich timber. He kept silent for a few seconds, just drinking Cal in, thinking about everything, about meeting him, about Harold. Yes, Harold. He still needed to be dealt with, as did Matteo. One thing at a time, first he had to get Darko. “I’ll be back sometime in the next few hours, hm? If you need anything, call me, darling.”

“Sounds good,” Cal replied, in complete denial of how it made him feel when Nigel called him those little pet names. He thought he probably just called everyone those things, but as with everything about the Romanian, it made it difficult to focus. “I will see you later.”

***

Cal found himself taking yet another shower even though he didn’t actually need it. He dressed in a dark blue suit with a white shirt, forgoing a tie as he thought it might be perhaps a bit too formal. He’d just laced up his shoes and was finishing up a few emails, and it was close to six. Nigel should be home any minute.

Nigel had picked up Darko and got him set up in his new place, they’d chatted, and now it was time to do what he’d been thinking of for the past few hours. He’d changed downstairs in his office. A tight black suit, all black, no tie either. It wasn’t the same as the one he’d worn previously, this one fit better, and oh did the Romanian cut a sharp figure. He jogged up the steps, smelling of cologne and cigarettes, and walked inside, looking for Cal.

When he saw him, Nigel had to catch his breath. He looked entirely alluring. Tempting. He wanted to skip dinner and fuck him right there. Clearing his throat, he smiled. “Hello, gorgeous.”

The brunet stopped short himself as he laid eyes on Nigel. He was shockingly, arrestingly sexy, like he’d walked off the cover of an Eastern European men’s magazine. His suit was perfectly fitted, not a spare inch of fabric anywhere, clinging to his tall, muscular frame like it was nearly painted on in the most expensive fabric money could buy. His long hair was combed back slick, and he looked absolutely dangerously handsome. Cal felt suddenly incredibly homely in his presence. He tugged down his suit jacket and managed his most charming and confident smile.

“Hi there. I’m ready if you are!” he said cheerfully.

Nigel chuckled, equally taken with Cal, even if he’d not confessed as much to Nigel. He plucked his keys from his pocket, gun tucked into the back of his trousers, and nodded. “Let’s go then, handsome. I want to show you off tonight, yeah? May have to fucking break a neck or two though with you looking like that.” 

Cal wondered why he felt like a nervous teenager around this man, and he felt the heated blush wash up the apples of his cheeks. “You’re being nice. Thank you, Nigel. Hopefully violence won’t be necessary tonight, certainly not on my behalf,” he said with a smile as he followed him out the door, oblivious to the gun.

Nigel locked up, and lead Cal to the car, opening his door before he got in as well. He buckled up, mostly for Cal’s sake, and started the engine. “Things can escalate quickly, you know? But I have no intentions of doing any fuckin’ thing that would make you unhappy, blue-eyes,” he grinned, then backed out, heading towards to the restaurant. He was pleased as goddamned punch in all honesty.

Cal nodded and rubbed his palms over his thighs, smiling over at Nigel. “Thank you. I’m excited for this. It’s very generous of you.”

“Darling,” Nigel began, lighting up a cigarette. The window was rolled down, and after taking a drag, he blew the smoke out of the window. “I’m glad to hear that and all, and you’re welcome but I need you to know that this isn’t something I do usually. I’m doing it because of you. Because I want to, and also because I like you. A lot if I’m honest.”

“Well, thank you, Nigel. You...I...uhhh,” Cal stammered, not entirely sure how to respond to that. He was never good with attention like this, usually just tried to play it off or redirect it. In a closed car like this, a confined space, too warm, with such an attractive man, he was at an even greater loss for words. “Thanks for your candor. You’re a very...handsome man, too, and I’m sure you have many suitors,” he observed, rubbing his jaw and glancing in the passenger side mirror, catching his own reflection and grimacing at it. His Features were crooked, misplaced and odd, and he was uncomfortable looking at himself.

Nigel glanced over at Cal, and caught that grimace. He took a long drag of his cigarette. “Darling, you’re welcome,” he said, then made a sound as if he was about to say more. No. He’d wait until they had some food in their belly. Then he’d find out what was really going on inside that gorgeous head. “No, uh, no suitors. Was fucking Vince for a while as I said, but that’s it. Now I’m of a singular mind.”

Cal shifted in his seat, hands splayed out on his knees thinking about the words Nigel spoke and how they pertained to him. It was dangerous to be the object of desire to a man like this. But in a way, that made it a little more exciting. “I see, well, that’s...very fortunate,” he said with a smirk, attempting a flirtatious look back over at the man.

“Is it then?” Nigel asked, grinning over at Cal. He finished his cigarette, then tossed it, making a right onto the freeway. “You know a lot about me. Why don’t you tell me more about you, hm? Why are you single, if you are?”

Nigel hoped to tell that Cal was. He’d hate to have to get someone else out of the way. Actually, he didn’t give a fuck. He had to have him. Period.

Cal rubbed his chin, looking at the buildings and tall palm trees as they passed. “No, I’m single. Not really in much of a position to be carrying on relationships in my line of work. Perhaps if I’d stayed...but no. A couple of ex’s back home, things didn’t really pan out. I’ve been more focused on my work, and I’m fine with that. It’s where I’ve been guided. Never married. Close, but it didn’t happen. And you, ever married?”

Exes back home. Well, Nigel just hoped Cal wouldn’t ever decide to go back home for any reason, though he knew with the background of a cult, it could happen. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, both because of that, and thinking about his ex-wife. “Yeah. I was. This beautiful red-headed bitch named Gabi. She wasn’t a bitch at first, you know? She saved my life once. I saved hers too,” he explained, basically by letting her live. He didn’t say that. “In the end we weren’t a good fit. She left me for a scrawny american named Charlie.”

The words were all but growled out, and it wasn’t due to any residual feelings, Nigel just wasn’t one to share that with many people. He didn’t mind telling Cal. Smiling, he took an exit off the freeway. “But that’s over now. Ready to love again and all that. It drives me somewhat insane sometimes. The fucking love.”

Nigel sighed, wistfully. “Maybe you will have time now, hm? Never know, eh? Tell me about these two exes.”

Cal chuckled at the way Nigel characterized his former wife, raising an eyebrow and smirking at the man. There seemed to be a lot of passion still there considering it was “over”, but he didn’t press the matter. People usually revealed more in what they didn’t say than what they did, and Cal was nothing if not skilled in reading people. Right now he was most interested in continuing to open up this interesting, handsome man with obviously very deep wells within.

“Yeah I guess you never know. Sarah was the first. I grew up with her though, really kind of strange, more like a sister than anything, best friends. But as teenagers we got closer, fooled around. She ended up meeting the love of her life though, a guy named Eddie. So happens he’s the same Eddie running the place now. We were...well...we ended up being just friends but it got too complicated.” Cal looked out the window, jaw tensing up as he recalled the events of the previous year. She’d made him feel like he was a mistake. A regret. Just like he was with everyone. His mother, Steve, Silas, Mary. Everyone’s big regret. His jaw shifted and he licked his lips as he swallowed back his emotions.

Nigel was done with Gabi. He just hated that everything had happened as it had. Divorce had never been in his plans, but now he was here with Cal. The man wasn’t a person with faith but Cal was giving him something to believe in anyway.

“Then there was Mary. She was...beautiful, but troubled. She ahhhh, well, we were both looking for something we couldn’t find in one another I suppose. She moved on and I had too many other things to deal with. It was for the best. She wasn’t happy and it was making us both miserable, you know how it is,” Cal said with a heavy sigh and shook his head. “I’m fine, really,” he said with a chuckle.

He felt jealous just hearing about the brunet’s past lovers, and the way Cal reacted when he spoke about them, well, that told Nigel some shit too. There was clearly more to that story, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he’d just listened, nearing the restaurant. “You sure about that, darling? Sounds like there might be more there. I may not be in your line of work but I am pretty fuckin’ good at feeling people out too,” he said, pulling off the road into the parking lot. “Sounds like we both have fucked up pasts.”

“I’m sure. I buried those things a long time and place ago. They’ve moved on, and so have I,” he said with a smile, looking Nigel in the eye to convey his sincerity. He looked around the lot, lifting his eyebrows when he caught sight of the restaurant. “This is really nice,” he remarked.

Fuck. Those eyes. Nigel was pulled in. He smirked with a nod, then shut the engine off, getting out to go around and open Cal’s door. “Nothing but the best for you, gorgeous.”

It truly was one of the pricier places and it had a mix of what he would eat, and what Cal liked. The handsome Romanian grinned at Cal, gesturing with a broad palm for him to go ahead. The Romanian felt proud to have him as his…. Date?

Cal felt all eyes on him as they walked in - well first on Nigel, where people seemed to have a mix of reactions from respect and fear to admiration and lust - and then on him, mostly curiosity. Cal assumed they looked on him as a business contact; he didn’t fancy himself as more than that based on his appearance. Still, he couldn’t help feeling himself blush and feel just a bit jealous at the ones eyeing Nigel up and down like he was a piece of meat. He moved a bit closer to him, almost with unconcious possessiveness.

As they strode to the maître d' of Barton G., they didn’t even have to wait; he seemed to already know Nigel and nodded an acknowledgement, leading them to a private table on the second floor. It was in a room of its own, and the red, black, gold, and orange decor created an elegant, yet romantic setting. The table itself had flowers and two candles with the dim lighting and soft music topped it off.

Nigel grinned. He’d noticed Cal nearing, just like he’d seen the eyes on himself, but mostly Cal. In a possessive maneuver of his own, he walked over and pulled the chair out for him. “After you, gorgeous.”

“Thank you,” Cal smiled, sitting down and blushing again. He was used to being the one to pull out chairs and be chivalrous, certainly not used to having it done for him. “For everything. All of this, it’s really kind of you.”

“Anything for you, eh?” Nigel assured, then sat down as well. The waiter came over and took their drink orders, and handed the menus both men, leaving to give them a moment to decide. Nigel ordered the best bottle of wine there. “I know you’re not big on drinking and shit, but I ordered it anyway. Get whatever you want. You can have _ anything _ .”

Cal looked at the bottle nervously, once it was brought to the table, and back at Nigel. It wasn’t the man’s fault; he had no idea what it was to him or why he didn’t drink. It would be alright. He’d get through this and hopefully get to know more about him and focus.  _ Focus,  _ he told himself quietly, keeping his attention on Nigel and not the wine. He’d done this plenty of times, and he could do it again. “Thank you. The ahhh...ratatouille looks perfect,” he said, finger tracing through the menu before folding it and setting it down. He picked up his napkin and set it in his lap, opening the button of his jacket to be more comfortable.

“Yeah? Then that’s what it’ll fucking be, darling,” Nigel said, gesturing for the waiter. Once Cal ordered, Nigel ordered the fourteen ounce New York strip rib-eye with yukon potatoes, and vegetables. When the waiter walked off, Nigel took a drink of the wine. He wasn’t really a wine drinking so to speak, but he wanted to show off a bit. Wine and dine Cal. Hopefully the rest too. “So tell me more about you. I’m a greedy man. I need to know why you don’t drink for starters.”

Cal looked around at the patrons. For a moment he gazed at the flickering candle on the table, at the light there for guidance, and finally decided to share a piece of his truth. “I haven’t had the greatest life, not all my life. I’ve been...blessed. Given a lot. But there been difficulties and I...haven’t always dealt with them wisely. We all have demons. One of mine,” he gestured to the wine bottle. “I leaned far too heavily on. It nearly cost me everything. It cost me my parents. Both biological. It’s an inherited disease,” he mused, folding his hands under his jawline.

Nigel immediately regretted getting the wine, at least part of him did. There was more going on in his mind than that but he’d have to give it more thought. Another issue was that he liked to drink, but he also didn’t want to rub it in Cal’s face either. “Well fuck, gorgeous. Didn’t know that. I’ll have them come take the wine,” he said, snapping his fingers before Cal could protest. He told the waiter to take it away after he downed what was in his glass and got a coke instead. Again, for now. Can’t be too pushy on a first date. To Nigel, this was a first date.  

Alone once more, he leaned forward. “I know you didn’t ask me to do that, but I don’t want anything making you uneasy tonight. We do have demons, god knows I do too.”

Cal’s eyes widened at the gesture, which he found shocking. “You didn’t have to do that for me, truly,” he said. “I’m grateful though. It’s impressive just...I wouldn’t expect it. You’re full of surprises,” he said with a smile. Cal took a long drink of his iced tea. His intense expression softened after that and he looked Nigel over curiously. “So, quid pro quo, what’s one of your demons, now that you know one of mine?”

“You’re welcome,” Nigel replied, leaning back in the chair as he watched the way Cal’s lips turned and moved with each word he said. The Romanian also liked that his ears seemed to wiggle with certain words and fuck if it didn’t make him want to kiss and nibble on those adorable things then and there. With a wolfish grin, he refocused. “Well you already know what I do for a living,” he said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ears as he pondered. “Something you don’t know but probably expect, is that I’ve killed. More than once.”

Cal nodded, eyes averting a bit.  _ So have I,  _ he thought to himself, though he certainly wasn’t about to admit it. He looked around to make sure no one was listening, though he was fairly certain the other patrons would be in more danger than  _ they _ would be, were they to overhear anything salacious. “I can’t say I’m totally surprised by that. In your line of work I’d guess you might. Ahh...may I ask, how does that make you feel? Is it simply a necessity, or do you get a thrill from it?”  

They were in a private room; Nigel wasn’t worried. He smirked at the question. “I felt how any man feels when he kills. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it. I felt powerful, you know? Sure the first time someone does it is always different, but then it becomes like second nature,” he explained, cracking his scarred knuckles. “Never thought too much about, darling, but I’d never hurt anyone I loved, or was falling for. Sounds like you  _ have _ thought about it a bit though, hm?”

“We’ve all thought about it, one way or another. But even thoughts can cause damage; thoughts are like seeds that can grow into actions if we allow them,” Cal said, trying to shake the image from his mind of Silas sagging to the floor, blood on his hands. He hadn’t meant to, and there  _ was _ a difference. There had to be a difference.

“Yeah,” Nigel agree, but stopped when they waiter brought over their food. Nigel ordered a beer, thinking he couldn’t just give up his drinking habit, but for now, he wouldn’t offer Cal anymore. However… it could come in handy later maybe. Loosen him up and all that. His mind began to run with ideas. Cal was so tightly wound. He needed to loosen up. Nigel wondered if he could get him to smoke some green. The waiter left when they had everything set, and the Romanian winked at Cal. “As I was fucking saying. You’re spiritual. I’m not. I think it’s all  bullshit, but look, if God is real, or this ah, this light thingy, he or it, allows people to die. By natural reasons and human. If that’s allowed, I figure we can do it too. Especially if it serves any one of my agenda items, right?”

Nigel took a big swig of his beer, then set it down, cutting into his steak. “I’m no serial killer, gorgeous, but sometimes you have to do what you fucking have to.”

Cal nodded and quietly bowed his head, saying his words of gratitude to the light himself. Once done, he smiled and resumed their conversation, though tried to change topics. “Were you raised in any religion at all?” He asked, taking a spoonful of his ratatouille and savoring it in his tongue. It was rich and delicious, the best he’d ever tasted.

“Not really. My mother tried to play at being Catholic,” Nigel answered, waving a dismissive hand, then took a bite of the steak, sharp incisors tearing through the tender meat easily. He chewed, and swallowed. His soda was left to the side and he drank some more beer, licking the foam from his upper lip. “You ever killed anybody, blue eyes? You seem to keep changing the subject. I’m maybe not as good of a people person as you, but I can tell when someone’s doing that. I suppose it is not good dinner conversation, but then again, I’m not a good man.”

Cal smiled tightly, uncomfortable at being pinned down with the question. “You are good, I do see that. I’ve watched a man die. It’s sobering. It changes you. I’m not afraid though, not since I know what awaits me,” he said confidently, and reached across the table for the salt, brushing his hand against Nigel’s. Big blue eyes looked up at his, blinking deliberately, and bit his lip. “Oh, hmmm. Pardon…”

Nigel quickly flipped his hand and took a hold of Cal’s, giving it a squeeze as he met his eyes eyes, his own narrowed lustfully. A nice little trick there. It worked though, Nigel wasn’t thinking of murdering anyone now. Maybe killing his box springs by fucking Cal down into them. “It’s alright, gorgeous. Fucking perfect honestly.”

He would get back to the other topic later. The Romanian didn’t let go, not yet. He wanted to see how Cal would react to the call to his bluff.

Out of the frying pan into the fire. The diversion did indeed work, but here was Cal now, his hand caught in a trap, warmth rapidly pooling to his belly. Well, he’d need to indulge this to some degree...he  _ had to _ now. Did he want to? Maybe a little. Maybe more than a little.

The ends of his lips curled at the edges, turning upwards as the grooves in his cheeks deepened to charming dimples. He took one long finger and rubbed the webbing between Nigel’s thumb and palm slowly, deliberately. It was innocent and yet between these two men, at this point in their  _ relationship  _ \- or whatever this was - it was absolutely downright suggestive. The sensual brush of a smooth pad over calloused skin, so subtle yet so full of promise. His eyes met Nigel’s again and he gasped inaudibly.

Nigel suddenly wasn’t interesting in his food - not anything. Just Cal Roberts. Fuck, if his own ladder wasn’t rising. It was high and proud, pressing against the fabric of his pants. He growled seductively, licking his full lips as he held the hypnotic ocean of blue in front of him. The Romanian was drowning in those eyes. Willingly. “I have to wonder if you know what the fuck you’re doing to me right now, gorgeous,” he said roughly, looking over at the bathroom. He wanted to pull Cal to it, and at least suck him off, or get sucked off. Those lips would look perfect stretched around his caramel cock.  He leaned forward and pressed his surprisingly soft, lush lips against the other’s wrist, feeling his pulse as he cut his eyes back towards him. “I think you do though, hm?”

Cal’s breathing deepened, his blue eyes darkening as his nostrils flared tellingly. He licked his lips and tugged at his collar, thumbing open the top button as he kept his gaze focused heatedly on Nigel’s. He didn’t attempt to pull away, but did let his eyes drop to the Romanian’s mouth, before looking around the room. “Be a shame to let the food get cold, but I feel like I really need to go...freshen up. If you’ll excuse me?” he said, biting his lip again. When he pulled the napkin from his lap, a bulge was evident, though he rebuttoned his jacket to conceal it in the way to the men’s room.

Nigel let go of Cal’s hand then, adjusting his own collar. He sniffed a pleasurable, desire filled snarl and nodded. “You do that, gorgeous,” he said, and then when Cal was up and heading towards the bathroom, he waited a moment and followed him. The Romanian slipped inside and locked the door, walking towards Cal with predatory glint in his eyes. “Figured I should do the same,” he said, nearing dangerously close.

Cal’s intense blue eyes focused on Nigel’s amber ones, and he deliberately, hastily, unbuckled his belt and pulled down his fly, reaching inside to touch himself. Shaky, heavy panting from his nostrils began as his jaw shifted, lips pressed closed, adam’s apple bobbing up the length of his thick neck as he swallowed. Wrapping a hand around himself, he paused to look down at the flesh in his hand, a thick, long, circumcised cock, the head pronounced and red, a single bead of moisture at the tip.

Nigel undid his fly and pulled his thick, uncut cock, then removed Cal’s hand from his own cock. He took it in his own, both cocks in his large palm and began to stroke. The Romanian growled and with his free hand, cupped Cal’s jaw, leaning in as he jerked their cocks, capturing his mouth roughly. He groaned, spearing his tongue inside the other’s mouth, his solid body pressing the motivational speaker against the counter. Fuck, it felt good. Cal tasted amazing.

_ “Fuck,” _ Cal huffed in a whisper, taking a breath before taking Nigel’s head in both hands and licking inside his mouth, sucking the taller man’s tongue demandingly. He was like a storm boiling over, pent up frustration let loose in an almost violent, aggressive kiss, thick thighs parting and pulling him in closer. The rough, big hand jerking him off felt so good, it was what he needed and wanted even if he didn’t know it. Nigel tasted of cigarettes and beer, and it was just perfect, in some perverse way.

Nigel wasn’t a man who was stunned easily, but he sure as fuck was now. In the best possible fucking sort of way. Goddamn; Cal Roberts was a force to be reckoned with and the Romanian absorbed it gladly. He thumbed over the tip of the brunet’s cock and began to jerk them both off faster, his breath coming faster, his heart racing as he snarled again and sucked Cal’s tongue. He bit his lips, then kissed down his sharp jaw, to his neck where he bit and sucked a possessive mark - no going back now, Cal was his, this was the contract. “You feel and taste so fucking good, baby.”

The biting was perfect; all of it was. Sweat was beginning to bead along his brow, the muscles of his taut abdomen flexing and rippling under his shirt as he got closer and closer to the edge. He could feel Nigel was as near as he was, and it mattered; with a woman, there might be a need for explanation or apology. Not so here and now. It was clear what this was. Raw desire and unhinged need. Cal bit back against Nigel’s full lips with fervor and moaned, hips jerking erratically and hands slipping to the tops of broad, muscular shoulders. “Ahhh…!” he gasped as his come pulsed up his shaft and spilled over Nigel’s dark knuckles.

Nigel came a second after Cal, feeding from his mouth possessively. He ate every gasp and moan, huffing out ragged breaths as his hot load shot out and mingled with Cal’s. Pressing their brows together, he gazed at Cal, grinning. “Fuck, darling,” he rumbled, then kissed him once more before licking the spend from his hand. Perfect. The Romanian tucked his cock back into his pants and went to wash his hands, but the smile didn’t leave his face. “That was goddamned perfect, yeah?”

Cal was struck by Nigel cleaning the come from his hand like that, and he blushed but washed his hands, tucking himself back in and zipping up. “Yeah, that was, ahhh...good,” he replied, a bit shyly as he unlocked the door and looked outside discreetly before walking out. He nodded to Nigel to follow.

“It was, gorgeous. You’re not going to get all,” Nigel gestured, following Cal out, “uncomfortable and distant on me now, are you?”

He was proud. Nigel wasn’t ashamed at all. Even if they’d been heard he wouldn’t have minded. Let them. Cal was his now.

“No, no, we’re good, we’re great,” Cal responded, smiling warmly at the man. He turned back as they neared their table and took their seats again.

“Good,” Nigel said, then smiled back, exposing long fangs. He resumed eating, his appetite back in full force. Thankfully the food was still warm since they’d not taken too long in the bathroom. “I’ve tasted you now, darling.”

Cal smiled and just took a bite of his stew when a vibration from his pocket interrupted them. “Forgive me,” he said, dabbing his mouth and checking his phone. He frowned when he looked at the caller ID. “I’m afraid I have to take this. If you’ll excuse me,” he said.

_ “Hello?” _ Cal said as he walked away.

Nigel looked on, nearly getting up to listen. He decided against it, but he kept an eye on him for as long as he could. He finished his food and downed his beer, summoning the check, which he paid. The clock was ticking and he didn’t like that Cal was still on the phone. He rubbed his jaw. Who the  _ fuck _ was he talking to?


	6. Chapter 6

Cal strolled back and sat down, his expression one of a man lost in thought. 

“Welcome back, gorgeous,” Nigel said, trying not to seem bothered. He raised a blonde brow at Cal, seeing that expression. “Bad news or...?”

The blue-eyed man looked up startled. “I’m uhhh...sorry about that. It was...well it was Sarah Lane. One of the Meyerists I told you about. There’s a problem at the compound I need to...take care of it,” he said, his jaw shifting at the end of his answer.

“You what?” Nigel asked, the words coming out a bit gruffer than he meant them to. This had to be his way of trying to run due to what they’d just done, right? No dice. “What I mean is… I’m good at handling problems. I’ll come with you.”

Cal looked up at the other man. “Are you not giving me a choice?” he asked. He considered to himself that if ever there were to be a person to tell a secret like this to, it might be someone like Nigel.

Nigel’s expression went serious at that question, not knowing Cal’s thoughts. Anger started to boil under his skin but he didn’t explode. He kept his tone calm, his words measured. Casually, he canted his head. “Unless there’s some reason you don’t want me to go? Sarah, she’s the one you messed around with when you were younger yeah?”

Realizing what Nigel meant, Cal shook his head. “It’s not like that at all. I’ll tell you but...not here. In private, alright?” he asked, eyebrows raised as his ears went back and wiggled with the motion.

Nigel swallowed at the sight, then nodded, leaving the tip for the waiter. He looked at Cal’s food, idly relieved that Cal didn’t want anything like that with that bitch Sarah. “You want to finish that, or take it to go?” he asked, not minding either way, but he did want to know. “Private sounds good, darling.” 

Not wanting to waste the food, Cal nodded at a waiter for a carry out container. “I do want to bring it, yes please.” The man took his plate and returned a moment later with it boxed up neatly.

Cal buttoned his jacket and stood. “Thank you, Nigel. We should uhhh...go. And  _ talk _ .”

“Agreed,” Nigel said, and stood up. He touched Cal’s shoulder and then let go, guiding him out to the car. Opening his door, he closed it once Cal was inside and then got in as well, starting the car and heading down the road. He lit up a cigarette, and looked over at him. “I enjoyed dinner, gorgeous. I’m all ears now, yeah?”

Cal looked at him and stared back ahead. “A year or so ago, when I was still leader and Steve was writing...well, we all thought he was writing the last rungs of the Ladder, our guide book on how to live, with prophecies of the future, several of the elders- 10r’s as they are called- came out to see us. Well, to see  _ me _ . Some things had happened that had made them think I couldn’t handle the job, made them question my leadership. In part, I felt it was jealousy that Steve and the Light had - at the time, I thought, chosen me.” Cal rubbed his eyes and looked down, taking a deep breath and gathering himself.

“Why did they they question that? What do they think you did or why do you no longer believe that?” Nigel asked, feeling like there was much more to the story than Cal was saying. At the red light, he rubbed the back of Cal’s neck, seeing he was acting differently. “You need to tell me all of it, hm?”

“There was a lot. At the time I was helping some Hondurans who were at risk of being deported. We also had an FBI detective who thought I was trying to run a scam, and we were applying for tax exempt religious status as well. It was the perfect storm of problems to cast doubt. I was trying to expand the movement, they thought I was moving too fast, and these three people had never liked me to begin with. They saw me as...well...like my father had been. A drunk, a sleazy salesman. No good to anyone. Worthless. He left my mother, dumped me with Steve, never amounted to anything.”

Nigel’s grip tightened on the steering wheel. “These three still alive then? They don’t have to be you know?” It was a sincere offer. He’d love nothing more than to pump them full of lead or maybe something slower. Let Cal watch. His beautiful face would be the last they ever saw if Nigel had his way about it. “They’re wrong. You know that right? You couldn’t be worthless. You’re fucking incredible, blue eyes.”

Cal laughed self-deprecatingly and shook his head. “Thank you,” he said deliberately. “Well, anyway, they put up one of them to come talk to me. Silas. He was supposed to talk me out of attending a vote that had been called up. The members and community were voting on whether these refugees should stay or go. The unspoken question was in my leadership. Silas was at my home, in my face, telling me everything they all thought.  _ You’re just like your father- an alcoholic salesman. _ He wanted me to leave them, step down, said that I was doing more damage than good, that I’d  _ never _ be good enough to truly lead like Steve. It...I just….” Cal looked out the window, his lower lip shaking as tears began to fill his eyes. “Before I knew what was happening, I looked down and he was...he was covered in blood. A shard of vase was in his neck. I tried to stop the bleeding but I couldn’t, I couldn’t. I..I killed him,” Cal said in a whisper.

“Sarah is the only other person that knows where he’s buried. I buried him on the grounds. They’re digging to lay pipe for a new building and she says they’re too close to the site, and they’re going to find him. We have to move the body.”

Nigel reached over and took Cal’s hand. They’d done what they’d done in the bathroom a bit ago, but this was intimate. He squeezed it, reassuringly, wanting to pull over and kiss his tears away. He knew there wasn’t time. They had to get home and pack. “Everything is going to be okay, darling. Don’t worry. I’ll help you. I’m good at this. No one will fucking touch you, no one will fucking know,” he said, his words firm and serious, but not at Cal. He was making a vow. He always kept his promises. “This Sarah. She’s going to keep her mouth closed?”

She was a loose end. One that needed to be tied off. Definitely. For more than one reason.

He nodded. “She has a lot to lose too, and two children. Well one’s an adult and moved out now, but she already almost lost her daughter once. If she wanted to really ruin me, she’s had many chances to before, tenfold. She didn’t even want me to come down here, tried to get me to go back before, help Eddie. But I didn’t want to go crawling back to them for help.” Cal sighed heavily, already feeling the knots in his stomach just thinking of the other man.

“Good. It would be in her best interest to keep her mouth shut.”

Nigel had killed those with family before; it wasn’t any skin off his nose in all honesty. He nodded, rubbing Cal’s hand, glad he’d not moved it away. “If this Eddie fuck gives you - us - any trouble, he’ll be dealt with. He thinks some Light is watching over him? We’ll put that shit to the test if he fucks with you,  drăguţ. ”

Cal knew he needed this man’s help. The idea of going up there alone and trying to pull this off with just Sarah’s help...well he could do it if he had to, but this was clearly something Nigel was more than experienced and skilled at dealing with. He knew how to be discreet, and believe it or not, he really trusted him. He smiled warmly at Nigel. “I appreciate you doing this with me, and I realize you don’t have to. Thank you.”

Nigel brought Cal’s hand over to his mouth as he exited the freeway; he kissed it. “You’re welcome. I want to. No getting rid me of me now, gorgeous,” he said, smiling as he said it, but he was serious. He’d kill for Cal, either at his request or just if it was necessary. Cal Roberts was his. Period. Maybe not officially yet, but what had happened back there? That was contract enough.

***

Thanks to Nigel’s money, they’d secured two first class plane tickets into Newark. Cal had never flown first class before, and felt a bit dazzled and out of place, not knowing what to do with all the room and amenities. It was so nice, comfortable, and the stewardess asked if he wanted champagne or anything from the menu, complimentary of course.

“Ginger ale would be great, thank you,” Cal smiled briefly before exploring the controls in the seats and the small tablet and brand new headphones he’d been given. Nigel got a whiskey on the rocks, grinning at Cal.

When they had their drinks, Nigel took a big drink of his whiskey, then set it down. He leaned over and kissed Cal, demandingly, letting him taste the liquor on his lips and tongue. A sharp intake of breath punctuated the space between them when Cal tasted the forbidden fluid on Nigel’s tongue. God, but it was good. He kissed back, perhaps a little too heatedly, sucking hard and biting his lower lip before pulling back when Nigel withdrew.

“You like it, gorgeous? Only the best for us, yeah? Lots of good fuckin’ things in store.”

“Oh, hmm, yes. I’ve never flown first class before. This is a lot to take in. Very comfortable,” Cal said with a thick swallow.

“There is alot to…  _ take in _ , up here in the clouds, darling,” Nigel smirked, crooning out the words suggestively.

Nigel licked his lips and placed his hand on Cal’s muscular thigh, rubbing sensually, then gave him a firm, aggressive squeeze. He finished his whiskey and set it down. “Maybe we go to the bathroom and officially welcome you to the ah, what’s the expression? The  _ mile high club _ , hm?”

Cal flexed his muscle beneath Nigel’s hand and turned bright pink at the suggestion. He had to admit, he was curious, and after what they’d done at the restaurant, he was...worked up. “Won’t they, uh, notice?” he asked with a nervous grin, glancing over at the stewardess as she was seated and reading a book.

“Nah baby. We can do whatever the fuck we want, mostly. This is first class,” Nigel rumbled, his hand traveling higher up Cal’s thigh. He gripped his cock through his pants and leaned in to kiss at his neck, over the viens there. “Only if you want to, but I promise, you won’t fucking regret it.”

Cal’s nostrils flared, his cock swelling in response. His lips rounded, blue eyes going glassy as he gripped the armrest on the other side of him with one hand, the other moving to Nigel’s thick wrist. “Okay. Yes. Yeah,” he answered.

“Let’s go then,” Nigel said, his tone rough and full of need. He checked his pants pocket for the little vial of lube he’d brought, and a condom, if Cal wanted it - he didn’t - then let go. “You go to the bathroom first, and i’ll be in a couple of minutes after. And, darling? I want you naked by the fuckin’ time I get in there.”

Nigel licked his lips, his eyes hooded and burning with a fiery lust.

Cal’s mouth opened. “Ohh uh, c-c-completely? Is there even enough room for...uh for  _ that _ ?” He stammered. He wasn’t opposed to it, but he knew most airplane bathrooms barely had enough room for one person, let alone two, let alone room for two people to be doing anything where even one could be completely naked. But Nigel was more experienced than he was, so he trusted him as he licked his lips and got up.

“In the first class bathrooms, yeah,” Nigel answered as Cal stood. This wasn’t his first rodeo, so to speak. He smacked Cal’s ass once, making sure it wasn’t too loud, since his darling seemed shy, then bit his own lip. “I’ll be along in a minute, gorgeous.”

Cal blushed and moved quickly, not daring to make eye contact with anyone. He hustled into the bathroom and, much to his surprise, the man was right. There was far more room than he’d expected; at least enough for two people, and certainly enough to get undressed. He pulled his clothes off and folded them neatly as he could on the closed commode lid, checking himself briefly in the mirror. He knew he was fit, he got enough looks, but he just hoped Nigel approved.

Just as he said, Nigel came in a few minutes later and locked the door behind him. His mouth went slack when he saw Cal’s naked form. “Fuck,” he murmured, his eyes roving up and down his body. Goddamn perfect. The Romanian quickly took off his shirt, as well as his pants and underwear after his shoes, and his cock sprang free, heavy and hard. “You’re the sexiest person I’ve ever seen. Do you know what I’m going to do to you?”

Nigel aggressively pressed against Cal, chest to chest, cock to cock and kissed him hard, holding his face with one hand, the other gripping his oh so glorious ass.

Cal could still taste the liquor on Nigel’s tongue, and responded with equal aggression, his nipples pebbling hard as they rubbed against the thick but soft hair covering the other man’s chest. He wasn’t completely inexperienced, but he’d certainly never done anything close to this before, not in an airplane with a man like Nigel. He whimpered in a voice he half regretted making, but the heat pooling in his belly didn’t give him much time to dwell on it. “Oh, fuck…no, I don’t…”

“I’m gonna fucking make you come like you’ve never felt before. You’re going to crave me, and you’ll feel me later, remember how it felt to have my cock buried deep,” Nigel growled out, in between kisses as he gripped Cal’s cock and gave it a few strokes. He loved how Cal’s breathing changed, how his eyes got that look, and everything about Cal Roberts. Nigel was falling hard.

First things first though. He leaned over, exposing the muscular swell of his own ass and got the lube. Nigel ran a hot stripe from Cal’s balls to the tip of his dick, keeping his eyes cast upwards to watch Cal’s reaction.

Cal put his own hand over his mouth to keep from groaning out loud, and grappled with the edge of the counter to steady himself with his free hand. Panting, he let go of his mouth and reached a hand to run through Nigel’s dirty blond hair, biting his lip hard. “Yes,” he hissed in a whisper, his cock throbbing in answer to the unspoken question. This was so unbelievably hot, and something he couldn’t have ever imagined himself doing and yet, here he was, in a first class cabin latrine, with an incredibly sexy and incredibly dangerous man licking and sucking his balls.

Nigel was. He’d moved down to get a good taste. Each sound and groan from Cal, the aggressive way he seemed to enjoy Nigel’s ministrations, had the Romanian leaking copiously from his own cock. He popped off and roughly turned Cal around, letting him brace himself against the sink and spread his cheeks. He dove right in, licking around the rim with a depraved growl, his hand snaking around to give his lover’s dick and occasional jerk. “Goddamned delicious,” he said, the words muffled between the plush mounds Nigel had his face currently in.

_ Fucking paradise. _

Cal leaned his forehead against the mirror, breath fogging up the glass as he gripped the counter tight. This was nothing like what he was used to, and he found himself pushing back against Nigel’s tongue, arching as much as the space allowed. “God,” he huffed out. It took all he had not to moan out like a whore.

Nigel kneaded the flesh of Cal's ass, and his hips, fucking him open with his tongue. The hot constriction, the sweetness, it was almost too much, and yet not enough. He thumbed over the head of Cal's dick and stroked down.

"He's not here now, gorgeous," the Romanian responded, the reached for that lube, slicking up his finger. He stood up, and looked at Cal in that mirror, meeting his eyes as he pressed against his body from behind and started circling his hole with that lubed up digit. Kissing his neck, he grinned, seductively. "How's that, baby, hm? You like this, don't you?"

“Fuck yes I do. Deeper...fuck,” Cal panted, whispering, trying to keep his voice down even as the pleasure rolled through him, traveling up his spine and back down through his loins.

Nigel happily obliged. He penetrated Cal with that finger, biting at the muscles on his shoulders, then to his neck. He sucked a possessive bruise there, working in and out of that sweet, perfect hole. “Fuck, baby. You’re so hot, so tight. Just made for my cock.”

It burned, but Cal exhaled heavily, focusing on his muscles and trying to relax. As he opened up more, he gave in how good it felt, and how bad this was, dirty and wrong. The apples of his cheeks were tinged in deep red as Nigel worked behind him. “More, Nigel,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

Fuck, Cal was sexy. Nigel snarled and kissed Cal’s mouth from the side as he inserted another slicked up finger. He was a little bit rougher this time, since that’s what his lover wanted. He was more than happy to oblige. Pressing more firmly against his body, he began to fuck him open with relentless insistency. “That better, gorgeous? You like it rough don’t you…. Fuck yeah you do.”

Cal bit down hard on his bottom lip, hard enough to draw blood, and as felt the warm trickle, a growl came from his throat. With darkened eyes he turned to look back at Nigel. “Fuck me, now,” he ordered quietly, the firm command a bit surprising even from him, but he  _ was _ after all, a leader. Giving direction wasn’t foreign to him. He knew what he wanted.

Usually, Nigel wasn’t one to take orders, but Cal was turning out to be quite the sexy power bottom, and that really got him hard. It would be fun to take control too. “Bossy, aren’t you, darling?” he smirked, then roughly pushed Cal down onto the surface of  the counter once he’d withdrawn his fingers. He got behind him, used his foot to spread his legs further, and slicked up his cock. He smacked Cal’s ass and opened his cheeks, rubbing his cock against the hot little hole there. “Take a fuckin’ deep breath, baby. This is going to burn like a mother fucker at first but try to relax.”

With that, and on the exhale from Cal, he pressed in, inch by inch, not stopping until he was seated to the root. He wasn’t cruel though, he waited. With a grunt and a growl, he licked and kissed over the muscle of the motivational speaker’s back and neck. “You okay? Ready for more of this cock?”

Cal fought to relax, taking each breath slow and deep. Nigel was huge, but Cal was determined and had certainly experimented with his body before to know that this would become very pleasurable soon, so he nodded and took a few more deep breaths as his body gave way more. “Yes,” he answered.

Nigel softly kissed the back of Cal’s neck and gently pulled out, giving him a bit of relief before he slowly moved back in, muscular hips working deep at first. “Fuck, baby. Fuck, you feel so good,” he said, feeling Cal’s hole relax further still. He started to go faster, grinding in a circular fashion. “Mmm.”

Cal reached back and held his ass cheeks open, encouraging Nigel to drive in deeply. As soon as he felt the man tapping his prostate, it became harder and harder to stay quiet, and his cock ground against the counter, leaking precome everywhere as sweat beaded along his brow. “God, fuck, Nigel, you’re fucking big. Feels so good…”

Nigel picked up his pace, fucking into Cal faster, and harder. He reached around and gripped his cock, stroking possessively. “Yeah, baby. All fuckin’ yours too,” he groaned, then pulled out long enough to turn him around and get him onto the counter with his ass off the edge. He pushed him back enough to expose his hole and then drove back in, capturing his mouth hotly. Pulling away, he looked right into those powerful blues. “And vice versa, yeah?”

Cal felt cornered by the sudden possessiveness of the man - he was intense, and not used to being met with such equal intensity. But given the situation they were in, Cal could only nod and huff his agreement vigorously. “Of course, yes,” he grunted in acknowledgement. Reaching in front of himself, he began to jerk himself off, feeling his body reaching its climax quickly. “Nigel, I’m coming,” he whispered, and convulsed on his cock, come pulsing up his shaft and spilling over the stainless steel counter.

“Fuck,” Nigel groaned, having wanted to be the one to do that. He fucked him harder for it, pulling him into a rough kiss as he let himself come as well. He filled Cal’s ass with hot seed, sucking his tongue before pulling back to collect that spend and taste it. Slowing his breathing, he stroked Cal’s face. “Goddamn. I could get used to you. You’re gorgeous and perfect. Powerful too if I’m honest.”

“Wow, that was incredible,” Cal sighed. He wasn’t used to tasting himself so he didn’t share the enthusiasm for that just yet- something he might acquire a taste for eventually. Still he couldn’t help but feel himself blushing as he washed his hands and splashed his face with water before pulling his clothes back on carefully in the confined space. He looked at them both in the mirror and smiled with an almost demure expression.

Nigel did the same, then grinned back at Cal and moved him around to kiss him in a much more romantic way. The Romanian was obsessed. Officially. Definitely.

“Yeah, you are. It was,” Nigel murmured, then got dressed. He licked his lips, very much wanting a smoke then. Not until they landed. “Welcome to the mile high club, blueeyes.” 

Cal’s heart was still thudding in his ears when he focused on those piercing amber eyes and felt something like warm honey covering his heart. Exciting, invigorating but comforting and welcoming all at once. It felt like home, and terrified him, but he was drawn in, left wanting more.

He simply smiled.

 


	7. Chapter 7

It was late afternoon when they landed, and dark by the time they drove up to the compound. Sarah had been texting Cal, as it wasn’t a good idea to make their presence known. They would need to sneak in, under cover of darkness with her help. 

Luckily both she and Cal had grown up on the property and knew every inch of the place, including places along the borders where the fencing wasn’t up to snuff and the patrol was weak. She told them exactly where to park, where to walk on a map she’d sent him, and where in the forest to meet her- very near where they’d buried Silas.

Cal just wanted to get this done, there was no point in pussy footing around it or waiting. They couldn’t afford to wait. Sarah had managed enough of a diversion to delay the digging, but they wouldn’t have long. Tonight was it.

Cal parked the car in a dark wooded area, and pulled everything they’d need out; duffle bags, tools, ropes, everything. The plan was they’d dig him up, get him to the car, and relocate him.

Handing equipment to Nigel, Cal turned on a small flashlight. “You ready?”

Nigel nodded, his face serious. They had a fucking task and he fully intended on seeing it through, then when they got back home, he’d take care of Matteo. Simple.

Keeping the rope over his shoulder, bottle of lye in another hand, he smirked. “We’re going to move him, then dissolve him. Won’t be anything left to find, gorgeous,” he said quietly, as they started into the woods. He’d checked his gun, so he had it once again, tucked into the back of his black jeans, a black top on as well. Discretion.

Cal was clothed just as discreetly, in one of his black tee shirts and jeans, a hoodie covering his head for added protection.

They had been hiking a short while when finally a tall, slim figure stepped out from behind some trees and lowered their hood. It was a woman with long, wavy brown hair.

“Sarah,” Cal said, approaching her, as Nigel snarled in the shadows, unseen.

“Cal,” she replied, nodding. Her face was haunt, eyes stark and solemn, shocked looking. There was nothing happy or warm in the way they greeted each other; it was like war prisoners meeting again in confinement. It set Nigel at ease a bit.

“Sarah, this is Nigel. Nigel, Sarah Lane.” Cal waved between them, walking over to a clearing and dropping his bag, Nigel walked over, a confident, masculine swagger.

Nigel looked at her up close, his eyes powerful, almost menacing, but sexy either way. He didn't see what the big deal had been about her, but what the fuck ever.

_ Not  _ his type.

“Heard a bit about you, Sarah. A uh, a fucking pleasure and all that. We’re glad you called. We’ll handle all of this, so you don’t have to worry, eh?”

Nigel smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, but he wasn’t totally aggressive or rude either.

Sarah’s gaze lingered long up and down the man, and immediately she could see he was not the sort to be trifled with. Dangerous and sexy. Still, there was too much on her mind to linger on that. “Good. I’m guessing if Cal brought you here, you know what’s at stake.” She didn’t waste time with pleasantries. It wasn’t the place, she thought to herself.

“Here,” Cal gestured to an area, indicating where to dig. Nigel nodded, not paying Sarah anymore mind for the moment.

“You got it, darling,” Nigel said to Cal, making sure Sarah would hear the term of affection for Cal. Picking up the shovel, he got right to it, strong muscles rippling as the Romanian started to dig, keeping Sarah in his periphery. _ Always _ watching. 

Sarah’s eyes were like saucers looking between them, but she just held her sweater around her slim shoulders. “Thank you for helping us, whoever you are, Nigel. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m done asking too many questions.” She kept lookout for them while Cal and Nigel worked, Cal with another shovel digging at the other end of the area. Nigel picked it up and started digging.

It took about an hour but they finally hit what was left of the man. He’d need to be re-wrapped in plastic to not leave debris, and Cal pulled tarp and rope out of one of the duffles to use. Throwing one end to Nigel, he nodded. “It’s been a year. We have to re-bag him before he’s moved again.”

“Yeah,” Nigel agreed, not worried about whoever the fuck this man had been.They all worked together and soon enough the body was wrapped, tied, and in the trunk. Nigel, Cal, and Sarah all walked to the rental. “So, uh, Sarah. You coming or staying here? I’ve got some contacts in the area that might be around when I take this bag of shit here to the new location.”

She looked nervously at him, instinctively understanding exactly what he meant. “I’ll leave you both to it. Cal, if you two need a place to stay, I booked a place for you in town. Here,” she said, pulling a key card in an envelope out of her pocket and shoving it into Cal’s palm. “If you want to talk tomorrow, you know where to find me.” She nodded at Nigel and impulsively leaned in to hug Cal. He returned the hug, patting her on the back before releasing her, and she turned to disappear into the woods.

Sighing, Cal turned to Nigel. “I’m beat to shit. You have someone to take him?”

Nigel didn’t like the hug. He didn’t like the card key either. “Yeah, I do. I want to oversee it though, make sure it’s not done half-assed. We can stay where she booked us, but if it’s shit, we’ll get something else, and I’m paying her for it, darling,” he explained. “I’ll make sure you relax soon enough.”

Cal nodded and sighed, picking up on the discomfort from Nigel. It would need to be discussed later though, once they’d disposed of this last trace of Cal’s...sin. “I do too, if it’s alright, just...this is mine...I want to see it to the end.”

“I can respect that, of course, gorgeous,” Nigel said, getting into the car. Once Cal was in, he backed up, heading out of the area and towards their new destination. “It’s all going to be fucking over tonight. This, I mean. You and I… well, we’ll talk about that too.”

The younger man looked over at him. “I understand of course. Hopefully this will be, but I think part of me might always somehow be tied to this place. It’s where I’ve spent most of my life and it’s in my blood. I’m trying to move on and make the best of things, though, and that’s what Florida is about, you know?” he sighed, rubbing his palms on thick thighs and watching the trees pass by in the darkness.

“You might be surprised as to what you can get out of your blood,” Nigel pointed out, not wanting Cal to be tied to such a bullshit place. One thing at a time though. He reached over and placed his hand over Cal’s, squeezing. “Seems like you maybe have some issues that you need to work out, darling. Things that have nothing to do with the pile of bones in the trunk. Don’t worry though, eh? You’ve got me.”

Cal’s heart thudded against his ribs at the words spoken in that thickly accented, deep voice. He looked over at Nigel and wondered why the man had taken to him so quickly and hard knowing so little about him. “Why, though? Why me?” He dared to ask.

Nigel looked over at Cal at the red light. “Why not? You’re gorgeous for one. That caught my eye right away, but then we started talking. I really looked, you know?” he said, lighting up a cigarette. “Something in your eyes. There’s power there, but also sadness. It’s something I guess you can say I relate to.”

It was the same thing Cal saw in Nigel’s eyes, what drew him in just as deeply. He paused and exhaled a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding in. “I think I see that in you too, if it’s not intrusive of me to admit. I don’t...I don’t open up to people easily. I’m the leader, I have to be strong, be the one they look to for answers, for direction, and so any weakness, I have to hide it. As different as our lives are, I see that in you as well, Nigel, you know?” he said quietly. It was hitting the nail on the head, so to speak, exactly where these two men lined up. Tightly wound, quick tempered, with deep running passions under the surface.

Nigel wasn’t one to share much of that type of stuff, and he was a leader too. Cal was right. Taking off again, Nigel turned down a dirt road. He lit up a smoke and took a deep drag. “Not intrusive, darling. Not for you anyway,” he said with a wink, then flicked his ashes. “Yeah, you’re right though. I think we have that in common, sure. Neither one of us can be weak in our perspective line of work. In fact, when we get back home, i’ll be taking care of a loose end of my own. You’ll get to meet Darko, we’ll all go over your new role in the company, hm?”

Looking down the dark road, it was impossible to see very much, which was perfect for what they had to do. Deep down, it turned his stomach, and he didn’t want to have to open the bag or look at the remains again. So many demons to kill, to leave behind in the stark cold of these hills. Nigel was exactly what he needed. A new purpose in his life, a new role, new meaning, anything to wash away all this pain and emptiness.

Blue eyes pierced through the shadows over at the Romanian. “Yes. I think I need exactly that.”

That made Nigel happy. He pulled through the woods, down a narrow path, and there already waiting was two big, burly Romanians. “They’re here already,” Nigel said to Cal as he parked. He got out and went to the trunk, opening it.

“Alexandru, Vasile, this is Cal,” Nigel said, once Cal had gotten out. The blond gave both men a look that was more a warning. A warning not to look too long at what was his. Both men nodded and said hello. In front of them was a freshly dug hole. Nigel lit up a smoke, then turned to his darling.

“They’ll put it in the ground, then we’ll put the lye on him, yeah?”

Cal folded his arms over his chest and nodded brusquely at the men. It was, on one hand, nerve wracking to have so many others involved in this, but realistically he knew Nigel and his men dealt with things like this all the time. He knew as surreal as the situation was, this didn’t mean the same thing to them as it did to him. “Sounds good. Please go ahead,” he said.

The men went right to work, removing the bag from the trunk. Nigel looked at Cal and touched his shoulder.

“Nothing to worry about,  Iubirea mea. They won’t open their fucking mouths. They know if they do, it’ll be closed, permanently, by the other end of that shovel,” Nigel said, taking another drag of his smoke. He could see something in Cal’s eyes, so he squeezed gently where his hand rested.

“This isn’t easy, right?”

Cal looked at Nigel’s hand, lips pressed into a thin line, trying to steel himself against the storm of emotions swelling inside him. All he could hear, all he could see, sounds and images reverberating in his skull, were the shouts of Silas in his final moments, the rasping callous words of his mother, the way his own father wouldn’t look at him when he left his five year old child behind, Mary’s disappointed face as  _ she _ left him, blood and fury all blowing up in him. The pain inside burned like an empty, gnawing hole that threatened to collapse him, like his rib cage was made of brittle glass. Fuck, he wanted a drink _ so bad _ .

Hollow, darkened eyes met Nigel’s. “It’s not,” Cal answered thickly.

Nigel licked his lips and let go of Cal’s arm. He opened the passenger door and from the glove box, pulled out a flask of whiskey. Once he shut the door again, he unscrewed the top and tipped it towards Cal. “I know you don’t uh, partake much, darling, but a little won’t hurt. It’ll calm your nerves. Besides, I’m here.”

Cal stared at the flask, his heart pounding, mouth watering at the sight, at the slight scent that burned when it reached flared nostrils. His hand trembled and he nodded like a man in a trance as he took it. Without saying anything, he took it from him and put the flask to his lips, tipping it back.

Ahhhh. There it was.

That first burn- like a long lost lover, it stung painfully, twisting in his gut, and in the next second turned to pure honey. Warm, smooth, thick, all the way down his throat, into his belly, in seconds spreading out his limbs to his toes and fingertips and up his neck. He looked up at Nigel before drinking the rest, before he could stop him. Four shots in the small flask. His hand lowered in slow motion and he sagged against the car with a deep sigh. “Helps, that helps.  _ Fuck _ .”

The men were occupied with digging a little more than planned, and they knew better than to look over. Nigel leaned into Cal and kissed him hotly, tasting the whiskey on his lips. Fucking perfect. He pulled back and took the flask, taking a pull from it as well, then handed it back. “Fucking right it does,” he grinned, running his free hand through his hair.

“You hold onto it for me, gorgeous, looks like they are making quick work. You ready to do this shit and be done?”

Cal stared with heavy-lidded, glassy eyes at Nigel, his inhibitions gone. All the emotions of the day and night had piled into an avalanche that was caving in. He grabbed the man by his sharp cheekbones and pulled him roughly to his face, kissing him hard and open mouthed, cutting his lip on a sharp canine with a groan. The shorter man turned Nigel around, trying to shove him up against the car and trap him a bit sloppily. “Kiss me,” he demanded.

Nigel’s men were finished, and also knew well enough to exit the scene. The body was in the ground, waiting for he and Cal, but there wasn’t a rush, and his men would be scanning the perimeter, making sure no one bothered them.

All of that went through Nigel’s head before he grabbed Cal’s biceps and with a grunt turned him and roughly pressed him against the car, making it rock. He kissed him hard and deep, possessive and just as demanding as he hastily undid his jeans and pulled out his cock. He did the same to Cal’s, all the while biting and sucking his lips, not letting them part for a minute. “Fuck, yeah,” he said finally, the slipped his hands down the back of the movement leader’s pants, feeling his ass, which he kneaded aggressively.

Cal could taste the tang of blood on his tongue, and both hand tangled in silvery blond tendrils, yanking his hair as he moaned needily and rolled his ass into Nigel’s big palms. “Get me to the fucking hotel and fuck me proper, Nigel,” he demanded, his voice rough, the liquor going to his head fast considering that he had been sober so long.

Nigel licked up the last bead of blood from Cal’s lip and pulled off with a pop. He pulled out his phone and texted the men waiting to take care of the lye and then cover the body. They would do it, no worries there. 

The Romanian kissed Cal once more then tucked away both of their cocks. “Get in the fucking car, baby. I’m gonna take real good care of you.”

Cal breathlessly released him, not zipping up - he couldn’t anyway, he was too hard and too big - and stumbled into the car to sit down and buckle up. His head foggy and limbs loose, all he could focus on was the incredibly sexy man next to him. “Good. Hurry it up,” he replied with an impatient pout, big blue eyes blinking slowly.

Nigel got in the car, his own large cock strained in his trousers. He looked at Cal and grabbed him, roughly kissing him. “We’re going to have to do something with that bossy mouth of yours,” he growled, seductively, then let go to start up the car.

As soon as Cal was seated, he reached across the gear shift to touch Nigel’s chest, running his hand down his belly to his fly and over his thighs. “I think I know what I might like to try to do with it,” he whispered with a sideways smirk.

The drive didn’t take long but seemed to take forever anyone and finally they were at the hotel. Both men got out, cocks concealed, thought they  sweaty, dirty, and pent up. They finally made it upstairs. As soon as they were in the room, Nigel pushed Cal against the door, fisting his shirt in scarred hands and then ripped it off of him. He licked hotly into his mouth, sucking his tongue, scraping sharp teeth against it before taking off his boots, pants, and underwear.

“Need to get you the fuck out of these.”

Cal stumbled, struggling in his state to get undressed as well, tugging it all off and tossing his clothes to the floor without regard. He did the same to Nigel- what Nigel hadn’t already cast off. “Do you have...anything we can use for…lube?” he panted, hoping to god that Nigel did.

“Yeah, I fucking do,” Nigel husked, removing his shirt, the last article after his socks. With both men naked, he began attacking Cal’s body with hands, teeth, tongue, and lips, all the while moving him towards his liquor bar. Reaching around blindly, he opened a drawer and pulled out a bottle of lube, setting it on the counter, right next to the whiskey. He ground their cocks together heated, pressing into him with a burning need. He pulled back after a second and moved to lean himself against the bar, his own cock in his hands. He jerked it, sliding the foreskin back and forth over the glistening cock head as he eyed Cal.

“Goddamn I want you, darling, but you know, I think we talked about doing something to that bossy mouth of yours first, didn’t we?”  

Cal kissed Nigel back like a starving man, the sweat beading along his temple. “We did, and I said I knew what I wanted to do,” he rasped in answer. Reaching behind Nigel, he took the bottle of whiskey and opened it. Biting his bottom lip, he poured some into the cap, then down Nigel’s chest, through thick fur. The amber liquid drizzled down and around one flat, brown nipple, which he caught between his teeth before lapping the alcohol up, licking over his chest until he’d gotten it all. With a devilish smirk, he poured more down his abdomen, pulling his hips forward so it would pool in his belly button. “Hmm…” he hummed, bending his knees to descend down his bronzed body. Dipping his tongue inside, he looked up at the man with fluttering sapphire eyes. 

“Fuck,” Nigel grunted, his rough hand going to Cal’s sharp jaw. He grabbed there, firm, and stuck a finger in his lover’s mouth as his body was tasted. His cock throbbed, precome leaking from the engorged tip, furry balls full and brimming. It was such a debauched sight, seeing Cal like that, but he let him go at his pace, enjoying the show as well as the feel. “That’s it baby, fucking map my body with that whiskey flavored tongue, hm? You know what the final destination is, but I’m not going to hasten you there.”

“Tastes better than ever,” Cal said, dropping to his knees. He kept his eyes fixed on Nigel’s as he poured whiskey over golden, furry balls and sucked them clean, first one, then the other. He wasn’t exactly practiced in this, but the booze amped up his blood, made him bolder, and he’d watched enough pornography to know what looked good. A few clumsy moves wouldn’t likely get in the way, and the whiskey made his blood run hot, had him hard and dripping and needy himself. Cal just  _ wanted.  _ He hummed as he positioned his lips at the base of Nigel’s shaft and poured the whiskey down, then drank it and slurped up one side before engulfing him in the heat of his mouth.

“Yeah,” Nigel groaned, his ass cheeks clenching, toes gripping at the floor as he was swallowed down. He palmed the back of Cal’s head and growled, almost roaring as he choked him on his cock just for a second. He wanted to see that spit there in the corners, and watch to see how reddened whites would bring out gorgeous blues. He let go with a moan. “Fuck! Oh baby. Draga. Suck my fucking cock, just like that. So perfect, darling.”

There was no question, Nigel was big. Big enough to have him choking for air on, pulling off and panting a few seconds before diving back in for more. His skin was hot, and he could feel the flush in his cheeks, his blood alive with the fire in his veins. He poured another shot at the top of his groin and licked him clean, swallowing before bobbing up and down, one hand gripped an ass cheek, the other wrapped around his own cock, stroking lazily as he sucked him off.

Nigel licked his lips, and grabbed the whiskey, he held Cal’s face. “Open up, gorgeous,” he instructed, still moaning from just how good it felt having that pretty mouth on his cock. “And stop touching your dick. It’s no longer yours, understand, draga? It’s mine now.”

Amber eyes burned as his cock throbbed, a sexy smirk on his face as blond strands hung down.

Cal obeyed, his jaw going slack and throat opening even as his blue eyes filled with water from the pressure of the fat head of Nigel’s cock on his throat. He gasped for air when he pulled out, choking again as a long strand of saliva dripped from one corner of his swollen, puffy lips. Both hands gripped the Romanian’s flank roughly when he let go of himself, his untouched flesh bobbing heavily against his muscular belly. No words needed, it was all in his eyes. 

“Fuck. Just look at you,” Nigel praised, pleased that Cal had stopped stroking his cock as he’d instructed. He took some whiskey into his mouth, then leaned over, sharing it between their tongues. The burn was sweet, but it made for one hell of a kiss.

Cal eagerly suckled Nigel’s tongue and drank the fiery fluid from his mouth. “Hmmm tastes better from you,” he whispered, voice ragged from the blow job.  Nigel stood back up at that, grinning, then drizzled more whiskey down his groin, taking his lover by the nape to move him back and forth along his shaft. With both hands, he gripped his head, fucking his mouth roughly, stopping when he heard a gag. “Get the fuck up, baby. Not done with you yet, hm?”

Cal rose, his cock bumping against the other man’s, and stumbled forward a bit, bracing himself on Nigel’s hips and kissing him again. “Not done with me? What would you have me do, exactly?” he asked roughly.

Nigel bit Cal’s lower lip, letting his hands slide down his muscular back, to that plush but firm ass. He squeezed, then gave each cheek a sharp slap before rubbing them to soothe the sting. 

He let go then circled Cal, assessing before standing back with his arms crossed over his chest. “Before the night’s over, I want to see you bouncing on my fucking dick but for now I want you to turn and face the bar, ass out, palms and face down. That understood, gorgeous?”

Cal’s cheeks burned red hot hearing Nigel’s words. No one had ever spoken to him like that before, and a thick stream of pre come dripped from the tip of his heavy cock in response. He desperately wanted to touch himself, and a vein twitched tellingly in his neck, jaw shifting as he struggled to keep his composure. His nostrils flared and he panted hard, nipples pert as darkened eyes glazed over with need. “Perfectly,” he whispered. He turned and did exactly as asked, bending at the waist, palms flat on the bar, head down, arching his back and popping his ass up just so. “Like this?” he asked, voice muffled.

“Just fucking like that, yeah,” Nigel answered, roughly as he walked up behind Cal. He loved how perfect he looked all bent over, loved the way he breathed, the way his eyes looked. Everything. Nigel ran his broad palm down his back, to his round ass, where he gaze a squeeze. “You’re perfect, darling, do you know that? Do you know how fucking sexy you are? How many times I’m gonna make you come? You’ll be dry as the Sahara when I’m through milking you.”

Nigel gave Cal’s ass a hard smack, growling as he watched the firm flesh jiggle, then immediately poured some whiskey down his back, catching it with his mouth at the cleft of his crack. He proceeded to dive in then, spreading him open and licking aggressively around and into his hole. Reaching around, he gripped Cal’s cock, stroking slowly. “Don’t fucking come until I say you can, baby.”

Cal’s jaw dropped open and he gasped, the muscles in his neck taut as a rope, and it took every cell in his body to will himself not to come them and there. Nigel’s tongue was strong, sure, and sinful there, felt better than anything he’d ever experienced, he swore. The alcohol did nothing to diminish his response, just left him warm and loose, more relaxed than he would be sober. He wanted more, but he wanted to come and he knew the booze would interfere. “ _ Fuck _ ,” he cursed aloud, grinding his teeth as he spread his legs apart further.

Nigel wasn’t going to let whiskey interfere. He’d go at it as long as he had to, to get Cal to come. And if not? He’d just keep at it anyway. The Romanian licked over and over and finally turned him around, he took his cock into his mouth and began to bob along his length. Sharp eyes looked up into lighter hues, as he hollowed his cheeks.

Cal groaned loudly, his hips bucking against Nigel’s mouth, thighs shaking from the pleasurable sensations shooting through his body. Nigel’s suction was tight and exquisite, his rhythm drawing more and more pre come out of him. He couldn’t help his hands from reaching forward and tangling in his hair, tugging at the blond and silver tendrils, fisting close to the scalp and pulling hard. “Yes, yes there,  _ like that,” _ he begged.

With a deep groan, Nigel continued, popping off, then taking him back down, rolling those fat, furry balls in his hand as the other reached for that lube and began finger fucking Cal open. He loved how wild the pent of movement leader was, or ex leader. Either way, he was on fire for Cal Roberts and his… ladder. After he felt Cal open to one, he inserted a second finger, squelching and sucking noises all combined with panting and muffled moans. It was hot as fuck, and he kept his eyes on his darling as often as he could; he didn’t want to miss one fucking second of this.  

“Ahhh-hhh-hhh-aa,” Cal gasped, staccato panting sounds escaping his puffy red lips, and he pushed Nigel back suddenly, forcefully. “Stop...stop, you’re going to...to make me come like that. I need you, to feel you inside first,” he demanded, eyes a little blood shot from the whiskey, and he moved past the bigger man, climbing on the bed. “You wanna f-fuck me, don’t you?” He ask bossily, looking back at Nigel through hooded lashes with a smirk.

Nigel snarled, though he liked it. He’d never had a lover like Cal and fuck if his blood wasn’t boiling with lust. He nodded, just so, and stalked towards the bed, lube in hand. Tossing it on the mattress, he wrestled Cal all the way onto his back, and forced his way between his thighs, leaning down to kiss him roughly. “That fucking mouth, darling, that fucking mouth,” he growled, and then slicked up his cock, putting some between his lover’s cheeks. “Gonna fuck that sass right out of you, hm?”

Without another word, he positioned his cock and pushed in, groaning at the tight squeeze, a veiny forearm bracketing Cal’s head, their faces nearly touching.

Cal’s eyes widened at the breach, and of course he’d felt it before, miles above the earth. But this was deeper, more intense, amplified, in spite of the whiskey in his blood which should have dulled his senses, it served to only relax him. No, nothing about this was dulled. The Romanian atop him was felt - every thick, veiny inch, to the root, buried in his body, and he writhed beneath him like a whore in heat. Fisting the sheets at his sides, Cal whispered his name through clenched teeth. “Oh  _ fuck, Nigel, Nigel, yes…” _

Hearing his name said that way by Cal, spurred him on, and he licked into his mouth, teeth clacking, tasting every corner he could get to as strong hips moved. His ass flexed, sweat already beading on tawny skin; he ground into him, pumping in and out, slow at first, then harder, and  _ harder. _ The bed started to move and creak, the headboard hitting the wall as he fucked Cal. The sounds Nigel made were almost inhuman, wetness, balls smacking, grunts. It was all there, and didn’t want to stop, not now, not fucking ever. “Fuck, baby. Take this cock. Take it fucking all.”

From the sheets, Cal’s hands moved up to Nigel’s biceps, curling around and gripping so hard, white fingerprints formed beneath his nails. Sweat beaded along his brow and his smooth chest bloomed with the ruddy blush of his exertion as he hiked his thick thighs up higher. “I can take everything you give,” he promised in a ragged huff. He wanted desperately to jerk off, feeling his climax  _ just there _ , waiting to be pulled out, but he never wanted this to end. It was too hot, he was too full, it was too  _ good. _

“Yeah you can, blue eyes, and I want everything you can give me, all of you,” Nigel huffed out, starting to pound him now. He pressed their bodies flush together, sweat aiding in a pleasure slide, also giving friction to Cal’s cock. “Your come is mine, and since you’ve been a fucking good boy, I’ll let you come.”

Nigel covered Cal’s mouth with his own again, then licked down to his neck, biting hard, leaving a mark that everyone would see.

The bite was what did it for the brunet. The friction just perfect on his cock, his ejaculate pulse up his shaft and spilled on his flat, firm belly, streaks of white painting both of them, deep blue eyes focused on Nigel’s brown ones. “Oh god, Nigel...fuck...fuck…!” He cried out, ankles crossed behind his muscular back, holding on for dear life.

"Yeah, oh fuck, that's it. Give it to me, draga," Nigel breathed out, swiveling his hips, grinding right down just enough to draw out that orgasm. He loved the feel of the warm spend between them, and his own release was just around the corner. It took a half a dozen more thrusts but he came too, spilling with a roar, panting and tensing, filling up Cal's hot hole. "Cal, mm goddamn, darling, fuck!"

Cal scratched deeply down Nigel’s back, pink trails raised in the wake of his fingers, gasping as his thigh muscles tightened around his body. He never wanted to let him go, never wanted to release him. It felt far too good. “Nigel...Nigel …” he whispered feverishly, voice ragged from shouting.

Nigel didn’t either. “Yeah, draga mea,” he responded, slowing down. He dipped his head in, holding Cal’s face with one hand, thumbing over his skin, and kissed him. It was slow, deep, filled with feeling, a silent plea begging Cal to never leave him. Not something he’d say, not in such a vulnerable way, but it was there in that kiss.

Cal felt the silent hunger and answered with desperation of his own, a yearning for love and acceptance he’d never had before that went far deeper than he was ready to admit out loud or examine any closer just yet. It was all he could do to simply hold Nigel’s face in his hands and kiss him back deeply, limbs entwined in a sweaty tangle.

As Nigel’s cock softened, he rolled them onto their sides and just held Cal, kissing him and stroking his brow, his ears, his jaw. “I know, darling, I fucking know,” he said, knowing that was enough for now. It was a sort of quiet confession spoken and felt between two unsteady men. Maybe they could ground each other. Maybe they were exactly what they needed all along.

Time would tell whether their necessary paths were truly entwined.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, Nigel wondered how Cal would feel, given that he’d not been drunk in a long time. He’d helped him though, making sure he had a rubbish bin nearby, got him water, and all of that. Waking up wrapped around him was even better, and Nigel thought about that as he walked out onto the hotel balcony to smoke his first cigarette. Silas was taken care of, he’d gotten the confirmation from his men, but he wasn’t ready to leave. Not yet. Nigel wanted a tour of the compound, maybe meet more of these brainwashed fuckers. 

Cal woke up in a fog, blinking as his vision slowly came into focus. His head was throbbing but worse that that- he was ravenously hungry.

Slowly, he sat up when he realized he was alone and smelled the faint scent of cigarette smoke from the hotel balcony. Noticing the water and aspirin on the end table, he whispered a prayer of thanks to the Light and downed the whole glass with a couple pills, stumbling to the bathroom sink. Splashing his face with water, he looked at himself; his eyes were bloodshot and he looked bad, but what else was new?

Cal made his way out to the balcony, tugging on his boxers. “Morning. Thanks for the water and aspirin,” he said in greeting to Nigel.

Nigel exhaled, flicking his smoked down cigarette over the edge and turned to smile at Cal. He leaned in and kissed his lips softly. “Good morning, gorgeous. You’re welcome. You feeling okay? I guess not, and probably fuckin’ starved, hm? There’s a place close, right next to this hotel we can go have some breakfast at.”

“I am actually, really hungry, yes,” Cal laughed, rubbing his eyes and scratching his belly boyishly. “I’ve felt better. I should go shower and dress. Give me a moment.” He kissed him back shyly and went back inside. For now, his brain was too foggy to contemplate the drinking. He definitely didn’t regret the sex, what he remembered of it. He needed to ask Nigel about Silas too, though he knew the man had very likely followed through exactly as he’d said. Nigel wasn’t the kind to leave loose ends, and their lives were tangled now.

***

After a brief breakfast at the cafe near the hotel, Cal texted Sarah and they decided to make a visit to the compound. She was surprised to say the least, but in no way disapproved, and soon the two men were driving through the front gates, which were no longer closed or manned by guards, thanks to the new policies of the far more liberal new leader.

Sarah walked towards them, none of the same sparkle on her face that she used to greet Cal with. She smiled pleasantly, but there was a guarded maturity in her eyes now.

“Cal, Nigel. Good to see you...in a nicer setting. Nigel, this is our...compound,” she said, waving her hand around. There were still young people all around in groups, some gardening, others doing yoga and meditation in a cluster on the lawn, a few more walking and talking quietly. Modest buildings lined the streets, though there were modern additions Cal noticed, thanks to Eddie’s reign.

“Thanks,” Nigel said, giving her a half smile as he walked in with them. It wasn’t rude really, he just didn’t care much for her; for him, it was actually  _ polite _ . The Romanian took everything in. A bunch of hippies, he thought to himself. Tree hugging, weed smoking fucks. Might be lucrative to sell there though, if they didn’t grow their own shit already. Maybe later. He’d have his men look into it after a chat with Cal. For now, he wanted to feel the place out, so he strolled with a confident swagger, certainly standing out.

“Bigger than I thought it would be, if I’m being honest.”

A few young girls and some boys turned and stared at Nigel while a couple waved at Cal as he smiled and nodded. It was very evident the tall, exotic, muscular Romanian was getting some attention. Cal puffed up his chest and squared his shoulders, unable to help but feel a little smug walking with him. Nigel definitely had an effect anywhere he went, similar to Cal himself, and the two together were hard to miss.

Sarah just blinked and shook her head. “Well, I guess even though this is the central headquarters, some of the other, newer centers are certainly more modern and larger, to be sure. City center is more impressive. I’m not one for any of that though, not like Cal...well,  _ was _ . How is it going in Florida, anyway? The rebranded message bringing in as many as before?” she asked, the sarcasm not terribly bitter, and Cal read her intention.

Nigel cut Sarah a look for that, certainly able to feel the tone of the conversation, even if he had no fucking idea what went on or had with the movement. He sniffed, his lip curling disdainfully, but kept listening, and watching.

“Yes, you can thank Eddie for not filing the cease and desist. I lost some folks, but I’m still doing some heavy work with a few key clients. They are making changes, and it helps me as much if not more than them. Just trying to redeem myself and lead people to the Light in my own way, Sarah. It’s working, and you know, I’m feeling  _ good _ ,” he lied, deliberately avoiding her eyes, instead squinting into the distance and pretending to examine one of the new buildings on the horizon.

Nigel picked up on that too. A lot of things he was learning here, at least the fundamentals. Cal was lying. So he wasn’t good? That fucking stung. It made the Romanian wonder if he really did mean all those unspoken things from the night before. That combined with the initial hesitation, the mention of all those female exes and he was starting to lose his composure. The sheer lack of physical affection in front of Sarah and where they walked spoke volumes. At least to the love struck, obsessive gangster.

She didn’t buy it, but with Nigel there, didn’t press it either. “That’s great to hear. We’re doing well too. Summer’s good, oh and look, here’s Hawk. Hawk, come here,” she called out to a tall, broad-shouldered young man with a crew cut.

Hawk jogged up as soon as he saw Cal and gave him a hug. “Cal, wow, you’re back!” he said with a grin before turning to look at Nigel, his cheeks turning a deep rose as he tried hard not to stare obviously and look him up and down. He failed at that. “Uh, hi…”

Maybe an opportunity to find out just what Cal was thinking and feeling, Nigel thought to himself as he eyed the lean twink, apparently named Hawk. Then came  that blush and the Romanian grinned, exposing sharp fangs.

Sarah introduced them quickly. “Nigel, my son, Hawk Lane. Hawk, this is Cal’s...friend, Nigel.”

Nigel extended his hand to the young man. “A pleasure,” he said, his voice smokey, yet somehow smooth. “Hawk was it? My… friend Cal here was showing me around, along with your mother. Perhaps you’ll join us too?”

Hawk grinned at the blond and nodded eagerly. “I’d like that, sir. What do -ah- you do?” he asked, stumbling on his words a little as he noticed his deep his voice was and distinctive accent.

“I’m an entrepreneur, darling, a businessman,” Nigel grinned back, licking his lips. He looked at Cal, just more trying to see his reaction, then Sarah. “Sarah. I’m sure you have a lot to do. I think Cal and Hawk will be good guides, don’t you?”

Sarah glanced at Cal and then her son. “Hawk is a leader here. If he has time, he is certainly well-equipped to show you around,” she said crisply, to which Cal raised his eyebrows coldly and said nothing.

“I have time, mom, I’m happy to show them around,” Hawk interjected quickly.

“Thank you Hawk, that would be great. Nice seeing you, Sarah,” Cal said with an icy nod, turning away.

The young adult touched Nigel’s arm to get his attention and grinned. “Why don’t you follow me?”

Nigel looked at Cal, observing quietly then turned to Hawk. He licked his lips as he gazed at the curly haired boy, his face away from his friend, or lover. Either way. He hoped this would push Cal into action. If not? Well then he’d enjoy fucking the hell out of the sexy twink. “Oh that’s the best place to be, gorgeous. Right behind you.”

Cal looked sharply at Nigel, curious why he was acting so strange with Hawk, but dismissed it thinking perhaps he was just that way with everyone. “Everything been good here, with your...uh...with Eddie and all?” he asked, hands in his pockets as they walked.

Hawk turned to Cal. “Yeah, oh yes. It’s going great. We opened another center, in Madrid. Things are going well. You’re missed, though, Cal, but it’s good to hear things are going great for you, too, in Florida,” he said with a youthful grin. Turning his attention back to Nigel, he pointed out a large building that clearly looked like an old converted barn. “That’s our chapel of sorts, I guess you’d call it. We have weekly talks there, services, gatherings. This place serves as our primary community, where it all began, once my family came back to the states from Peru. Not sure exactly how much you know, or want to know of the uh, story. We can be as vague or detailed as you like,” he joked.

Realistically? If Nigel weren’t in love with Cal, he’d probably take Hawk on. Keep him around, fuck him, mold him. The beautiful boy had a good heart, a good spirit. Too good for someone like himself, or at least too innocent. He didn’t miss the look from Cal but then it shifted. Was he playing games then? That wouldn’t do. The Romanian walked closer to Hawk and slung his arm around those lithe shoulders, drawing him close, boldly so; he always got what he wanted. “I would be open to hearing any details from you, darling,” he purred, grinning so that his fangs and just a bit of his gums were visible with it, though his eyes were all wolf. “Have you been to Romania? You’d need a guide there, maybe someone like me, eh? A sexy little thing like yourself would have the men and women all over you, depending on where your interests lie.”

Hawk swallowed hard and blushed a deep red, grinning shyly and licking his lips. “I...uhh...ohh...uhhm…”

Cal turned quickly to Nigel and gripped his elbow hard, stopping him in his tracks. “Hey, Hawk, would you excuse us for a minute? Nigel and I need to have a quick talk about  _ business _ ,” he said, pulling out his phone and scrutinizing it with his free hand before casting a dark, commanding look at Nigel. “We’ll only be a few minutes, I promise. This way, Nigel. It’s urgent.” He pulled the man hard in a way that said he wouldn’t accept no towards a tree, his powerful thighs and biceps steering them to the side.

“Sure, I’ll be over here,” Hawk replied with a slightly disappointed nod.

Nigel walked over to the side with Cal, out of earshot from Hawk and pulled out his cigarettes. He knew this could go a few ways but judging by the grip on his arm from Cal, he already assumed which path it would be. Still, he didn’t want to seem as though anything was amiss. With a cant of his head, he placed the cigarette between his lips, not lighting it up yet.

“What’s the matter, blue-eyes?”

Cal was about to chide him and say he couldn’t smoke there, but people were smoking other things, and he wasn’t in charge anymore. Crossing his arms over his broad chest, he pursed his lips. “What exactly do you mean, flirting with Hawk like that? He’s a fucking kid. You plan to fuck him too?”

Nigel lit up his cigarette and took a deep drag, not even thinking about the fact that it might not be permitted. Needing permission just wasn’t in his pathology. He licked his lips. “He’s over eighteen. Not a kid,” he pointed out, flicking the ashes. “I had no plans on fucking him but seeing as how we’re not together I don’t see a problem if I did want to. The real question is, darling, why do you fuckin’ care, hm? Are you jealous? It sounds to me like you just might be. Maybe you look at that.”

Cal stared in complete shock. “We’re  _ not together?  _ What the fuck are you talking about?” he asked, darting his eyes around to make sure his voice didn’t carry. He had no desire to draw unwanted attention to himself especially after the way he’d left. In humiliation, the rejected son, second fiddle. Eddie’s sidekick. No thanks.

“You never said, darling, and since this is all new to you, and you seem distant as fuck here around me, figured you just wanted to be fucked,” Nigel said with a shrug before stepping closer to Cal. “I’ll tell you this. I’m in love with you, gorgeous, and love makes me fucking insane. I’m a jealous man.”

A warning. So Cal could back out now if he wanted. Or try to at least. Nigel wasn’t ready to give him up in any capacity. “The twink means nothing to me. He’s a sweet kid and all, but I needed to know where we stood.”

It was so much to process.  _ Love _ was what stood out. Cal drew closer and reached for his hand, eyes widened. “Really? Love?” he asked, the years melted away by a softened innocence in his query. Did Nigel mean that? “I love you too, Nigel. If I’m ...if I’m distracted here, it’s because a lot of shit happened here. I grew up here and...I just...Steve entrusted all this to me, I fucked it up, then other...things  _ came _ to me...listen I’m sorry I don’t know if that’s why you think I’ve been distant but…” he trailed off, sighing deeply.

“Yeah,” Nigel answered, then he realized that Cal had said it back. He dropped the cigarette, crushed it under his boot, then wrapped his arms around him, kissing him soundly as his heart raced with love. The pause had proved all the opportunity he’d needed. “I love you so fucking much, baby. I apologize for my behavior with Hawk there, but I had to know,” he said, stroking Cal’s face. “One day, I want you to feel safe enough to tell me everything, hm? But you need to know, you don’t have to go through anything else alone in this world. Because you’re fucking not. You have me.”

Cal’s jaw shifted and he nodded. He knew what it was like to wrestle with insecurities and fears, and not want to admit them. He was glad Nigel wasn’t pushing him to talk about  _ everything  _ right then and there. With sincerity in his cerulean eyes, he held his hands. “I know...it’s hard for me to open up, but with you I will. You’re nothing like I thought you were, all hard and macho, it’s funny. I won’t tell if you don’t,” he chuckled, squeezing his hand. 

“Squeeze a little lower and you’ll see just how hard I am, darling,” Nigel crooned, grinning. He was hard, and macho. Very capable as Cal had seen when he’d nearly killed that ginger fuck, but he wasn’t that way with someone he loved. He couldn’t, not ever, so he just leaned in and kissed him. With a kiss to Cal’s hand, he laced their fingers, getting ready to head back to Hawk. But before he did, he gave his boyfriend another smile. “You’re full of surprises too, draga. We can keep each other’s secrets, hm?”

Cal couldn’t fully relax here, but he smiled in spite of himself and slid his arm through Nigel’s as they walked back towards Hawk. “Without question, we can,” he answered, pivoting towards the young man who was doing his best not to stare at them and look busy.

“Everything alright, gentlemen?” Hawk asked formally.

Cal grinned and patted him on the shoulder. “Of course. Come on, let’s go. And maybe we can go off campus and have a pizza or something, catch up a little. Nigel does that sound good?”

“Yeah, baby, it sounds good, and everything is good, Hawk. I apologize for my behavior eh?” Nigel said, letting it rest at that. He smiled at him, chastely, then gave Cal a reassuring wink. At least he knew where they stood.

Hawk shook his head and chuckled with a blush. “No need, Sir. Let’s show you around, then get some food,” he offered, and led them off to the chapel to start. 

The tour went well, uneventfully, Cal stopping to talk with a few people he knew, and Hawk explaining the significance and purpose of the various areas of the compound. Nigel didn’t say much to the strangers but more just took them in. Observing everything. They seemed happy but to him, they were just brainwashed.

“Thanks for the tour, yeah? What do you do around here?”

Hawk looked around. “Mostly business stuff, setting up intake and organizing the interfaith group meet ups. I’m delegating more now because I’ve just kinda had a lot going on lately. But it’s been good.” His body language was laced with hesitation which Cal read easily, having known the boy since he was a child. “Hawk, something on your mind?” he asked, putting a hand on Hawk’s shoulder.

Hawk glanced at Nigel and shook his head, sighing and looking at the ground. “There uh, actually is something I’d like to run by you but, I don’t want to…you know it’s uhh…”

Cal chuckled. “Nigel is an intimate friend of mine. I know he’s intimidating,” he grinned and rubbed a thick, tanned bicep, squeezing Nigel’s arm affectionately. “He can be trusted with whatever it is, it’s ok,” he finished. “You have our confidence.”

“I’m his boyfriend,” Nigel grinned, rubbing Cal’s back. “You’re safe with us.”

“Why don’t we go into town and get that pizza and talk there? I’m just...sketchy on talking about things around here. You know how it is. The trees have ears,” he joked.

“Now's as good a time as any.” Cal turned to the Romanian to see if he agreed.

Nigel nodded. “Agreed. Let’s go then, yeah? Don’t think I fit in too well around here anyway,” he chuckled, “but you know, I appreciate the chance to have a look around at my darling’s old stomping grounds.”

Hawk looked at Cal with an arched eyebrow. “You and Nigel? Congratulations. That’s kinda one of the things I wanted your advice on, seeing as how my dad’s not around anymore,” he said, hands jammed into his pockets, shoulders more relaxed as they walked.

They were nearing the cars already, and Cal glanced at Nigel. “Thanks. You know you can talk to me about anything, of course. You’ve always been like a son to me. Is it...Noa?” he asked, not really sure who Hawk was seeing anymore, and he’d thought that romance had gone to the wayside awhile back.

Nigel pulled out the keys and unlocked the car, getting into the driver’s side. “I’ll just let you two talk.”

He didn’t want to make Hawk uncomfortable seeing as how he was important to his darling Cal.

Hawk got in the passenger seat as Cal had deferred to him, and turned to talk to him. Nigel looked at Cal when he got in, then started the engine once Hawk was inside too. He put it into reverse and took off down the road towards town.

“It’s not Noa, no. It’s...a guy. Caleb. I’m uh, I’m not gay, I really don't know what exactly I am, I guess bi. Mom and Dad know. They’ve been great,” Hawk blurted out in a jumble of words.

“Well, obviously I love and support you too, Hawk. The movement is a place that’s never judged sexual orientation. So, tell us about Caleb,” Cal grinned, as Nigel listened, continuing to drive.

Hawk looked out the window sadly. “I met him through our interfaith program. He’s a Christian. He broke up with me, and he’s not coming back. I guess I’m just feeling sad and broken and lost over everything.”

“He sounds like a fucking idiot,” Nigel interjected, making a right at a redlight. “If he doesn’t come back, you’re a good looking kid, you’ll find someone else. I know it’s hard though, love is never easy. The way I see it is you go after him. Sometimes you fight for what you want, you take it. If that doesn’t work, you move on and show him you are fine on your own, eh?”

Hawk nodded. “Well, it gets worse than that. His Dad actually put him in one of those  _ Pray the Gay Away _ type camps. I went with Dad to try and help him leave and he wanted nothing to do with me. It’s over. But I just feel like...the memories here are just hard for me, you know?” he said, rubbing his eyes.

Cal glanced at Nigel. “I know it can be hard, especially if you had deep feelings for him. You have such a good heart though, and a gift for working with people and helping them. I’ve seen you with these kids, they listen to you, even the adults do. You’re a natural leader because you lead by example and people respect that,” he said, and he meant it, too. Considering all the shit the poor kid had to deal with between Sarah and Eddie, Hawk had grown up remarkably level-headed and strong, with a solid head on his shoulders.

“I don’t know you like gorgeous over here does, but maybe you come stay with us a spell. Take some time to lead yourself. Fuck everyone else right now. You need to do have some care of the soul and I happen to be good at that,” Nigel offered, rubbing Cal’s thigh before turning into the pizza joint. He cut off the engine and looked at his boyfriend. “What do you think, Draga? Would you mind this?”

Cal gave a look of surprise at Nigel. He was amazed at first the man seemed to genuinely care, but then, he’d been opening up more and more and there was an obvious tender side to this rough, violent man. He’d clearly shown Cal himself how much he cared for him. “That’s a really great idea, Nigel. Hawk, how’d you like to take a break in Miami for a couple weeks? I doubt they’d say no, and when was the last time you had a real vacation? You can even join me in some of my work if you feel inclined, you know? Maybe observe?” Cal suggested with a warm smile as they got out and began walking inside.

The smell of greasy, cheesy pizza wafted out rich and heavy, and the young man rubbed his belly and groaned at the scent. “Man, that smells so good. You know, I actually think that sounds great. I’ll let them know and go back with you...or, well, when you going back?”

Cal looked quizzically at Nigel. “As soon as the boss here says, right?” he joked, touching the small of Nigel’s back affectionately.

Nigel cared and loved Cal. Hawk was important to him and what mattered to his daring, mattered to him. Beyond that, the kid had this innocence to him that brought out the gangster’s protective side. Sure he’d flirted with him but that was to see what Cal would do - though if he was single, he’d be interested in doing more than just protecting Hawk. Be that as it may, he only had eyes for his gorgeous boyfriend. Till death.

With a slow and yet fiercely seductive turn, Nigel grinned wolfishly at Cal and leaned in to kiss him. “Keep that talk up and this boss will be whisking you off to the fucking bathroom, eh?”

Nigel couldn’t help himself. Or maybe he could. “But yeah, we’ll leave in the morning then. You and I need to tie some loose ends up here before we go and that gives Hawk time too.”

Cal blushed as they approached the counter and smirked. “ _Nigel_. But yeah, there’s some things I would like to close up myself. That sounds perfect. After pizza, we’ll bring you back and get it all sorted out, okay Hawk?”

“Yeah. Hey can we get cheesy breadsticks with marinara, too?” the youth asked, rubbing his flat belly hungrily.

Nigel canted his head proudly at Cal’s blush. He nodded though, and hooked his arm around his lover’s waist as they stood there. “Get whatever you want. Both of you. It’s on me. Then we’ll do like gorgeous said.”

Cal ordered a large pizza with half pepperoni and half mushroom, an order of breadsticks, and soda, and then as Nigel paid for everything he sauntered to the dining area to get a table with Hawk.

The men chatted over dinner about more pleasant, less intense things- stuff to do in Miami, favorite foods, differences in Eastern European and American culture, even differences and similarities between Meyerism and Catholicism, the popular religion in Romania. Nigel wasn’t usually one to talk about such things, not religion anyway, but he wanted to know all he could about anything of interest to Cal.

After they finished, Nigel rubbed his belly. “Time for a smoke. If you two are ready, I say we get the fuck out of here, hm?”

Hawk leaned all the way back in his chair and gave a big, lopsided grin, moaning as he wiped his mouth with a napkin. “That was delicious. Thanks so much, both of you,” he gushed. “And I really appreciate letting me come down to Florida with you awhile too. I think the space will give me a chance to think and heal from...all this. Especially since my folks haven’t exactly been too  _ available _ lately,” he sighed.

Cal leaned across the table and squeezed his hand. “It’s really our pleasure, Hawk, no trouble at all,” he said warmly. “Let’s go,” he said, sliding out of the booth, and they headed to Nigel’s car and on to the compound.

It was getting later, and after Hawk went on his own way, Nigel looked over at Cal, sitting in the car. “What loose ends do you need to tie up, draga mea?”

Cal looked out the window and rubbed his knee thoughtfully. “Something is just bothering me that I need to check out. Before I’d left, Sarah told me about some cave out here in the woods, and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’d like to try and find it. There are things from my past I’ve forgotten that...well...I’ve avoided for a long time. But maybe it’s time to remember.”

Nigel lit up a cigarette, taking a long pull from it. “Yeah, darling. If that’s what you want, we’ll find this place,” he promised. He wasn’t sure what Cal was avoiding but he’d help him if he could. It was just that he wanted to know everything he could about him. “If something is bothering you, we can’t fucking have that.”

Leaning over, Nigel kissed the corner of Cal’s face, and then sat back correctly, backing up to head towards the woods. “Different woods from before or the same? This place is like a fuckin’ labyrinth.”

Nigel was nearly there already as soon as he got the go ahead. He parked once again, and killed the engine at the edge of those woods, and they both got out.


	9. Chapter 9

“Alright, so I’m counting on you, gorgeous.” Nigel looked at Cal, standing next to him, waiting to be lead.

Cal chuckled. “It can get confusing when it’s all so green and lush. Follow me. A bit of a hike this way,” he suggested. There was still light for another few hours which would be helpful as well.

They walked through the woods about a mile and a half and after a little hesitation and Cal consulting a small map, they found a cave largely hidden by trees and foliage. He brushed the way clear for them and turned on his phone’s flashlight. “This way. Watch your step,” he cautioned as they walked down into the rocky area.

“I’ve been told I’m good on my feet. Who knows, in another life, I may have been a dancer,” Nigel chuckled, but he stayed close, letting Cal lead. He had his gun too, just in case.

It was a bona fide cave, obviously had been in use in modern times as there were mounted torches on the walls. Cal took one and, asking Nigel for a light, ignited it and the others to illuminate their way.

Waving it towards the path, they came to a clearing that appeared to be a room; there were large, flat topped stones around, looking as though they may have been used as tables or seating, and against the farthest wall was a large case, a box. Cal approached but was completely caught off guard when he saw what was in the walls. Crouched over to accommodate the low ceiling, he stumbled in his shock, turning and staring all around with frightened eyes. He fell down, looking up, breath shallow and fast. The walls were painted in colorful flowers, large vibrant childlike paintings, all over, and a Meyer eye in the center.

Nigel made sure the torch wasn’t near Cal, and then was right there crouching next to him, looking him over. “What’s wrong, baby? Talk to me, yeah? I’m here.”

Cal’s body language and demeanor had transformed entirely. Gone was the confident, commanding leader, or even the competent adult. Shoulders rolled forward, kneeling huddled in on himself in a childlike posture in the dirt, his blue eyes were wide, pupils dilated with fear as memories came back. A vision hit him then, one of Steve standing by the wall. It was nothing like the vivid things he saw during his journey with Eddie, just a brief flash. Enough to remind him what this place was.

Nigel didn’t know what the fuck was happening to his darling. All he knew was some bad shit had gone down in that fucking cave. He also he knew he wanted to kill whoever the fuck it was that had Cal so shaken. He rubbed his back. “Baby, baby, it’s okay.”

Scrambling to him feet, he stumbled to the box by the wall and broke it open. Attention focused as he rifled through the box, he tried to explain to Nigel. “Steve took me as a son when my father left me here, when I was five. He’d take me with him everywhere, town to town talking to people about Meyerism. This cave though is...another place he took me. A lot of pieces are missing but somethings are coming back, and...and…” his eyes landed on a book, dusty and dog eared. Flipping through it, he stopped as he read a few passages as Nigel listened but stayed close. “Steve’s writings about Lilith. And...there’s more.” A few photos fell out, which he hastily picked up. Looking at them, an expression of twisted pain and shock came over him.

Dropping them, he turned his head to the side and doubled over, throwing up, and passed out.

“Fuck!” Nigel said, and made sure Cal didn’t hit his head or fall into his throw up. He did take a second to look at the pictures. He felt sick himself when he saw them. How the fuck could anyone do that to a kid? He knew Steve was dead. He wished he wasn’t, so he could kill him, slowly. It bothered Nigel that there was no one he could get his hands on to avenge his love. That wasn’t the point though. He needed to get Cal out of there. He grabbed the book, tucking the pictures inside, and then hoisted Cal into his arms, walking him out.

Nigel didn’t try to wake him till he had him in the car. He reclined the seat a little, and pulled a water out of the back, after using a napkin to wipe his mouth gently. “Wake up, baby, please,” he begged, never one to do that but this was his everything, his love. “You’re safe, draga, I promise you that.”

Cal stirred and looked at Nigel, blue eyes bloodshot from the shock and his terror. “Oh fuck, the book, the...I’m sorry,” he said, looking down and back up at Nigel timidly. “T-t-thank you. Did you grab them? I don’t want...anyone else finding those.”

“I got them, yeah,” Nigel said, his tone softer than usual but still rough. He cautiously hooked his fingers under Cal’s chin and turned his face towards him to kiss his lips softly. It was clear that he’d been violated as a boy and while the Romanian was a criminal, he never hurt kids, nor anyone he loved. “You have abso-fucking-lutley nothing to be sorry for, darling, okay? And no one will ever hurt you. No one will touch you without your consent. I’ll kill anyone who tries. Do you know and understand what I’m saying?”

Cal nodded, his blue eyes filled with a heaviness that hadn’t been there before. “It’s starting to come back to me now, the memories of everything that happened. He...he’d take me with him on the road. No one ever questioned him, never doubted. This place, it’s full of demons for me, but it’s all I’ve known.” He looked around, waving his hands, before placing one back on his thighs. “I need to look at that book again and find the answers. If I don’t fill in the blanks and finish this...this puzzle of nightmares in my mind, I’m afraid I’ll never be rid of it. I have to know it to purge it.”

“Alright, gorgeous. If you think that will help,” Nigel said, rubbing his stubbled jaw. He closed the car door after jogging around to get in the driver’s side and started the engine. He handed Cal the book. It all just made him want to find some random fucking criminal and take out his frustrations on him; he could imagine it was Steve. But no, right now he needed to make sure he was okay. Top priority. “You still up for bringing Hawk with us after this? I just want to check. You’re the only thing that matters to me. I can’t go back and kill that fuck like I want to, but I’ll do whatever I can, yeah?”

Cal shook his head and met Nigel with a sincere gaze. “That means everything to me, Nigel. But yeah, I think it will be good to have him come along. He’s the next generation of Meyeris-well, whatever it’s going to be. It would be good to see him work. Good for me, anyway,” Cal said with a sigh. He was going to need all the positivity he could get. He leaned in closer to Nigel and kissed him, sucking his lower lip between his teeth softly with a light hum, a little extra gesture to show how much he really did love him.

They’d only confessed their love once, and just earlier that day but Nigel felt it. He smiled and closed his eyes, stroking Cal’s face before kissing him back once more. “Then that’s what we’ll do,” he said finally, moving back to return to their hotel room. Tomorrow they’d be leaving anyway. “Anything else you want to do on our last night here? Maybe text Hawk and see if he’s good for us to pick him up in the morning, or I can, since you’re going through all of this.”

Cal pulled out his phone. “No, no, I’ll text him, ask him to confirm it’s all set and morning pick up. You drive us back, it’s okay, Nigel. Thanks,” he said, fingers skating across the phone as he wrote the boy.

“Alright, sure,” Nigel nodded, squeezing Cal’s thigh as he drove them away from the wooded area, towards their hotel. The drive was quiet and went by quickly; when they arrived, he parked and jogged over to get the door for his boyfriend. Up they went to the room and once inside, he locked the door behind them then gave Cal a warm, full bodied hug to show him he was safe in his arms. “I love you baby.”

Cal sank into Nigel’s arms with a long sigh, inhaling deeply. On a shuddering exhale, he felt a release and felt several hot tears flow down his cheeks and soak into Nigel’s shirt. “I feel so lost. But I...I know I love you too,” he confessed.

Nigel ran his hand over Cal’s head, around his ears, down to the nape of his neck; he travelled to his back, holding him tightly, burying his face into the crook of his neck. “I’ll find you, hm? Or we’ll be there together. Either way, you’re not alone,” he offered, even if he knew he couldn’t protect him from the past. “I fucking promise you that.”

Cal nodded, sniffing and finally meeting Nigel’s eyes. As he looked into the Romanian’s he saw him clearly. He knew there had been a lifetime of pain and hurt and betrayal, all hidden and covered for the sake of survival, and here with each other they were finally safe. “I know. Tonight I just want you to make love to me, hold me. Okay?” He asked, touching the man’s sharp cheekbones.  

Toeing off his boots, Nigel licked his lips. Nothing hard, or rushed, just passionate, slow - at least to start - love making. “Yeah, baby. I’m going to help you forget, hm? At least for a bit,” he said, his tone low as he started removing Cal’s shirt. He threw it aside and took off his own, then dipped his head down to kiss his lips, slow and steady, walking him back towards the bed as his hands explored muscle and smooth skin. “You feels so good, do you know that?”

Cal bit his lower lip and his blue eyes darkened to a smoldering hue, enjoying the feeling of giving control to Nigel, letting him undress him this way, and feeling those calloused hands roaming all over him.

Nigel stopped when he felt Cal’s calves hit the mattress. He gazed into those eyes, his cock hardening as he peered deeper. “Goddamn…” he murmured, then unfastened his pants, and his lover’s, removing both sets along with their underwear. Kissing Cal onto the mattress, he took his time, licking and sucking along the side of his neck, down to his chest, where he captured a pert nipple between his lips.

The younger man had lifted his hips to allow Nigel the space to pull off the trousers, but he gasped aloud, back arching off the bed, at the feel of those sharp teeth on his sensitive, hard nipples. “Oh god, yes…” he whispered, his cock swelling to full hardness and pulsing against his belly between them, even as he pressed his pectorals closer to Nigel to allow better access.

“Love how fuckin’ responsive you are to me, darling,” Nigel growled, kissing over to the other one, suckling. He kneaded Cal’s chest, licking down his perfect abdomen until he reached his navel. He dipped his tongue inside, just a little, then moved to his exposed groin, nosing in the thicket of hair around his cock. Amber eyes burned to meet multifaceted hues, just before he started slowly laving his tongue around and between his balls.

Cal’s hands flew down to Nigel’s dirty blond and silver strands of hair. He gritted his teeth, jaw shifting as he released a low, throaty moan. “Fuck...fuck...yesssss,” he hissed, thighs flexing and belly tensing and releasing as pleasure spread through his limbs.

Nigel grinned, more than pleased that Cal was continuing to react that way. He sucked a fat ball into his mouth, gently licking before he let it go and took his cock between his lips. “Mmm,” he groaned, never letting his eyes falter. It was incredibly hot and he never wanted to stop tasting him.

Cal writhed beneath Nigel and gripped his head in both hands, looking down at him to watch him take every inch of his cock between those plush, sinful lips. He wouldn’t have thought he’d find something like that so erotic and yet he very much did, completely enthralled and taken with Nigel. “Perfect...like that. Under the head...god…” he gasped.

Hearing Cal talk like that, telling him what he wanted, turned Nigel on even more and he popped off, snarling lustfully. “Fuckin’ dirty, bossy, boy,” he rumbled, then sucked him back down to the root, then back to the tip, where he laved his tongue under it. He massaged the bundle of nerves there, focusing on that as his hand reached up to tweak a pert nipple.

The younger man knew what he wanted and loved it when Nigel spoke to him like that, in his raspy Romanian accent. “Nigel...I just...ahhh fuck...get up here, I need to feel you inside, okay?” he ordered, blue eyes blazing hot, exhaling hard from flared nostrils as his biceps flexed. He leaned up on both elbows and tugged at Nigel’s hair as he stared intensely, swallowing hard.

There was no way in hell that Nigel was going to ignore that. He couldn’t. He didn’t want to. With a lick of his lips, he climbed up Cal’s body, grabbing the lube. Quickly, he slicked up his cock, positioned himself between his legs, and pressed inside slowly, inch by inch so that he could open him that way. “I need this too, you know? Mm, goddamn. I love being inside you. You fit me like a glove, baby,” he whispered huskily, moving slowly, making passionate love to his darling.

Cal closed his eyes and let out a slow, long breath as Nigel breached him, giving himself a minute to adjust. The burn was significant, but the lube and Nigel’s patience meant it was only a few minutes of discomfort soon replaced with a deliciously full feeling. He shifted his hips, letting the other man know he could move. Wet lips pressed against bronzed skin as Cal’s moans became threaded and higher with each pass across his prostate. His mouth found Nigel, and he licked across his bottom lip with a rough groan. “Take me Nigel. Take the memories away.”

Nigel bracketed Cal’s head with a strong forearm on either side. He swiveled his hips, grinding slow but picked up the pace a little. He was savoring the feel of the tight, silky passage, of his darling, his everything, and while he knew he likely couldn’t take away those memories, he would sure as fuck try. “I have you, draga. You’re all fucking mine, and no one can come between us,” he managed to say just before covering his mouth again, sucking each lip between his teeth.

Cal let himself drown in Nigel’s words and in every sensation enveloping him in the moment, from the strong wet tongue exploring his mouth to the fullness pervading his body. He raised his hips and thighs, trapping Nigel between them and tightening his legs around his waist, ankles locked behind his strong back. “I am all yours, completely,” he huffed.

Fuck. That was exactly what Nigel wanted to hear. He set a good rhythm, pumping slow, then faster, then back again into Cal’s ass, grunting as he did so. Long strands of ashen blond hair hung in his eyes, his hand exploring various parts of his lover’s body, hooking under his raised thigh as his other supported his body weight. There was nothing better than being inside his boyfriend. “Yeah, baby. Fuck yeah. Mm, my Light, my fucking religion is right here… inside you.”

“I feel it...yes,” he whispered, blue eyes blazing hot in response, the words sounding just like a prayer to Cal’s ears. They were what he needed to hear, exactly, word for word. The uncut, thick head of the Romanian’s cock tapped relentlessly against his prostate, and he concentrated hard on staving off his climax, edging himself away from the brink, desperate to make it last.

As if he was reading Cal’s mind, Nigel pulled out. “Let me just,” Nigel began, unhooking his legs. He got him onto his side and got behind him reentering as he wrapped his arm around his chest, starting to lick and kiss on his neck. The gangster’s breath was hot against his ear, panting there while pumping into him slowly and deep. “Oh fuck. Te simti atat de bine. Esti al meu. Toate ale mele. Acum și întotdeauna. Te iubesc dragă.”

Cal’s back arched and he rocked back against Nigel. This was what he wanted, what he needed, the man’s strong arms wrapped fully around him, secure against his solid form, and he pressed himself back against him. “I...love you so much...fuck it feels...perfect…so deep,” he moaned, one hand reaching back to hold his furry thigh. “Stroke me, please,” he begged.

“Was just getting there, darling,” Nigel assured, grinning against Cal’s fevered skin. He let his hand glide down his chest, his belly, right to his cock which he took in his fist and began to stroke. He thumbed over the slit to gather up some precome, then went down, gently twisting as he moved, his hips working. “Could do this to you all night and into the next day. Mm.”

Cal’s breathing became labored and ragged, heavier as his chest heaved up and down and his hips ground faster. “Oh god...f-f-fuck…” he gasped, before his entire body shuddered, and he shot thick ropes of come across his belly and up his chest.

Nigel erupted seconds behind him, the pulse around his cock and the sounds of Cal coming all too much. He rammed into his ass as he did, his muscles tensing, kissing and biting through pants and groans until he’d emptied out completely. “Fuck, mm,” he huffed, catching his breath as his cock softened and slipped out. He turned him back towards him enough to capture his mouth for a slow, passionate kiss. “That was perfect, gorgeous. Fucking perfect.”

Drained and sated, Cal returned the kisses. “It was what I needed. Love you, so much, Nigel,” he whispered. To have someone understand him and see him as clearly as Nigel did, and someone as unexpectedly as he did, was truly amazing.

That was something that Nigel would never get tired of hearing. It fed the obsessive, love struck beast inside. The one that would never let go of Cal. Not fucking ever. He turned him the rest of the way towards him, needing to see his beautiful face and then kissed him again, holding his jaw. “I love you too. I need you, gorgeous. Always, you know?”

“Always,” Cal repeated, stroking his face in return as penetrative blue eyes stared back.

***

The next morning they picked up Hawk as arranged. Sarah hadn’t been thrilled about his departure, but she know while she could “say” no, he would do as he pleased, so in an effort to keep the peace for once, she agreed. Eddie gave him his blessing and with a hug from his little sister, the young man was off with Nigel and Cal.

The flight back was significantly less eventful than the one there, Cal keen to behave in front of Hawk, set a good example. Nigel still tried though, even if it didn’t work. He grumbled once but decided to have a drink and take a nap on Cal’s shoulder.

It didn’t take long once they landed, and soon enough Nigel’s men had driven them back to his club. He check to see how Hawk was reacting; the young man followed them quietly, not saying much.After getting home, Nigel took the back way to spare the kid too much at once, and he lead them to the apartment.

Inside he showed Hawk where he’d be sleeping, a little spare room off to the side since he and Cal were in the same room. Nigel winked at Cal, leaned over and gave him a kiss, then turned to Hawk. “So what do you think? You want to see the rest of the club yet? We can go down and meet everybody, maybe walk to get some dinner after that.”

“Yeah, that would be good,” he said all at once on a nervous exhale, looking to Cal for some kind of confirmation that that was the correct response. He was excited and curious, but entirely uncertain how to behave after months of being in charge and looked up to at the compound.

Cal smiled, detecting his nerves, and patted his shoulders. “That’s a good idea. Long flight, a lot of settling in. Let’s get some food and walk around. Uh, Hawk, this is of course a nightclub so, you know, I uh...I know you’ve spent some time in the city now, and well,” Cal started, sounding very much like a Dad talking to their kid about the dangers of the world.

Hawk interrupted him with an eye roll and laughter. “God, you sound like mom. I’ve been to nightclubs, Cal. I’m twenty two. Relax.”

Cal looked at Nigel and shrugged. “Okay then, shall we, Boss?” he said playfully.

Nigel grinned toothily at Cal and nodded. “Yeah. Let’s,” he said, and grabbed his gun. He tucked it in the back of his pants, not minding if Hawk saw, then took his keys and walked them out. “So be prepared to see a lot of flesh, kid.”

No sooner than he’d said so, and when they reached the bottom of the stairs, two girls walked by, just in thongs and heels, giggling. They eyed all the men, stopping on Hawk, whispering before Nigel snapped his fingers to get them gone. They rounded the corner, and went down a long hallway, Darko eyeing Hawk from his office, but he was on the phone making a deal. When they reached the end just before entering the heart of the club, the door opened and Vince walked in, nearly knocking right into Hawk.

Vince was just wearing a thong as well, and fishnets. Blue eyes scanned over Nigel first, then when he saw Cal, he averted his eyes and really looked at who he almost ran into. He grinned, all dimples and fluttering lashes.

“Hey there, handsome, don’t think I’ve met you yet…”

Nigel snorted. “Hawk, this is Vince, Vince this Hawk. He’s staying with us for a bit. Hawk, Vince works for me.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Hawk…”

Hawk’s mouth went dry at the enormous, gorgeous blue eyes that fluttered at him. An innocent face, the most handsome, beautiful guy he’d ever seen even in magazines, all pink cheeks and full, plump, bee stung lips, insanely thick lashes and jet black hair...and the rest of him. A perfectly smooth, chiseled torso, six pack abs, just a bit shorter than himself. Nothing left to the imagination in a blue thong that matched his eyes. Hawk stood there staring - speechless - jaw open, trying to remember words or breathing.

Cal looked back at Hawk and then at Nigel. That boy was quite merciless to hit Hawk with right in the gate, and he chuckled. “Oh, Nigel,” he said under his breath with a laugh.

Nigel laughed roughly, and discreetly nudged Cal. He leaned over to those elvish ears. “Let’s let him have some fun, hm? He’ll forget that other asshole in no time.”

His lover nodded and took his hand, squeezing it and kissing his cheek.

Vince continued smiling, well aware of his prowess. He was a flirt by nature, as was required of his job but he was truly interested in Hawk. So handsome and manly for someone his age. The dancer extended his hand. “What’s the matter, Hawk? Not a man of many words? Maybe a drink will help with that? On me… especially if it means I get to sit with you and get to know you better.”

Hawk took the other boy’s hand and met his gaze, the blush on his face traveling to his ears as he smiled. “Oh, yeah, uhm, yes, that would be, sure that would be nice, of course yes! Are you, like, just...uhhh...yeah, a drink would be good.” He stumbled awkwardly with his words, though he was relieved Vince was smoother than he and happy to see Nigel and Cal heading away.

Vince licked his lips and smiled, still holding Hawk’s hand as Nigel lead Cal to a nearby both inside. “Alright, good. C’mon,” he said, and gently tugged him inside the club, up to a booth in the back. “I’ll take good care of you. What do you want to drink, handsome?”

Hawk’s eyes roamed over Vince’s shapely backside and calves, quickly moving back up to his face; he couldn’t have been dressed like that if he didn’t want the attention, and yet the Meyerist was still shy, though he did his best to conceal it. He wasn’t very good at it, though he did still have a bit of his own innocent charm. Laughing as he rubbed a hand over his face, he looked over at the bar for a minute before finally replying. “Uhh...you know...Vince...surprise me,” he answered.

Vince stretched, arching his back to expose his pert, muscular ass. He looked over his shoulder at Hawk, the girl waiting for the order, and smiled. “Then I will,” he said sweetly and ordered a rum and diet coke for Hawk and a cosmopolitan for himself . The barmaid walked off and he he sat down, crossing a leg over the other. “Come sit by me, sugar.”

He did just that, stretching his arm behind Vince, his hand hovering over bare skin, not yet daring to touch, almost like the boy was a live wire. But god did he want to. Hawk was positive he’d never been so turned on or attracted to anyone before. He crossed his legs too in an effort to hide the partial hardness already throbbing in his skinny jeans. “H-h-h-hey,” he exhaled with a little sigh. Vince even smelled amazing, clean, like soap and musk and honey. Up close, his skin was peachy and glistened under the lights.

“Hey yourself,” Vince purred, and then angled his body to hook a muscular leg over Hawks, which made him uncross the legs. The dancer eyed his groin, seeing the partial erection and then leaned into him. The drinks were brought over a moment later and he took his holding it up. “So… maybe we toast to chance encounters? I flirt a lot, but I don’t do this. You should know, you’re special, and this is all without cost, sexy.”

Of course as relatively naive as Hawk was, he’d kinda figured the girls before and Vince were “employed” by Nigel. “Yeah, hmm, a toast sounds good, Vince,” Hawk said, his hazel eyes focused on the boy’s lips. God, his mouth was so tempting, and all he could think of was what he tasted like. He was like walking, breathing sin sitting there mostly nude like that, leaning towards him, and even his slightly sassy, clipped East coast accent was sexy to the young man. “Gotta say, all of it sounds good,” he said, lips curling to a smirk.

Vince downed a few more sips and set it on the table, climbing onto Hawk’s lap, the music picking up as he did. He let his hands rest on his shoulders and moved his face closer. “Does it? Maybe I should come home with you tonight? I think that would be fun. Or I can take you to a private room,” he suggested swiveling his hips to the music. “Haven’t been so drawn to someone like you ever. You have this…aura about you.”

Hawk kept his hands on the seat beside him, not yet touching him. Going to a room felt tawdry and a little overwhelming for him, too public. “I am not sure about staying here just cuz it’s so...so many people. I...I think Nigel gave me a place to stay though and...uhh...it would be nice to...talk to you there, and, hmmm...stuff,” he replied, shifting his hips. There was no hiding how hard he was now, Vince had to feel it. His cheeks darkened. “I’d like to touch you,” he admitted shyly.

“You can touch me all you want,” Vince said, grinding down on Hawk’s erection. He leaned back to grab his drink and downed it, noticing Hawk hadn’t had any of his. That was okay though, he wasn’t focused on it. Leaning forward again, he took Hawk’s face in his hands and kissed his cheek. He could tell he wasn’t very experienced but that was just more of a turn on. “Looks like Nigel and Cal are busy over there. Let’s go to your room, big boy…”

The young dancer smirked and got up, holding out his hand to Hawk.

Hawk took Vince’s hand, and reached back for his drink. “Maybe I should drink this first,” he said, and quickly downed it, making a face afterwards. “Wooo!”

A bit braver as the liquid heat courses through his veins, he bit his lips and more blatantly checked out Vinces ass. “Well, I’ll follow now! Let’s go…”


	10. Chapter 10

Vince grinned, and led Hawk. Obviously he knew the way to Nigel’s… he’d been there before after all, but that wasn’t something he was going to tell Hawk.

He shook his ass as he walked in front of Hawk, past a smirking Darko, up to Nigel’s apt. “I hope he gave you a key,” Vince singsonged, leaning against the wall beside it while he waited for Hawk to unlock.

Hawk found his hands shaking a bit as he pulled the key from his pocket and promptly dropped it. Laughing at himself, he bent down to retrieve it, turning back to grin at Vince. “He did...uh, sorry,” he huffed, and put it in the door, turning the knob.

Vince walked over and gently pushed it the rest of the way open. “Nothing to be sorry about,” he said, and then tugged Hawk in, closing and locking it behind them. His muscular ass jiggled as he walked, knowing which room was his because he knew the others, and stopped right outside of it. “Don’t be nervous around me if you can help it. I won’t bite. Unless you  _ want _ me to, baby.” 

Hawk’s eyes were wide, drifting to his mouth. He moved closer to Vince then, dipping his head down and bringing one hand up to the side of his head, tilting it. With his other hand, he placed the flat of his palm on the boy’s collarbone, staring intensely. “You’re just the most beautiful  _ person _ I’ve ever seen. Man or… anyone really,” he whispered.

That made Vince’s heart flutter, the flirty coy act morphing into genuine interest. It wasn’t that he hadn’t been before, but more of that light or  _ whatever _ it was, was shining through in Hawk. It wasn’t anything he’d experienced from customers, or even Nigel. That had just been a fling. This though, it was unique, and the young man really looked into Hawk’s eyes. “Thanks,” he whispered back, then hooked his arms around his neck, using his foot to open his room door just before he pulled him in and then leaned up to kiss him. It was slow and soft, a full press, and oh was it amazing. “Wow…”

The taller boy felt lightheaded from the kiss, and pressed back against Vince again, running his tongue along his full bottom lip and sucking it between his teeth lightly. Pulling back, he was panting. “God,” he gasped, almost beaming. There was a light in his intensely blue eyes that pulled at something deep inside him, made him want more, feel more, know more, everything. Whatever it was, he wanted to explore it.  _ Him _ .

Vince reached over to close Hawk’s room door, blindly, then pulled Hawk back to him, then walked him back to the bed that hadn’t even been slept in yet. At least not by either one of them. “Don’t stop kissing me,” he murmured, his fingers slipping into Hawk’s hair, his blue eyes nearly black with lust. “Never met anyone like you. I want to know you, but first, I want you to kiss me again, please.”

Hawk pulled his own shirt off over his head frantically, wanting to feel that smooth, glistening chest against his own, and did so as fast as he could. Tossing it across the room, he grabbed Vince’s gorgeous face in both hands and resumed their kissing, wet, messy and desperate. “Yeah,” was all he could murmur between gasps.

Vince’s calves hit the bed and he moaned, pulling Hawk down on top of him onto the mattress, he hooked fishnet-clad legs around him, writhing underneath as he kissed him hotly, tongue exploring and dancing with his. “Mmm,” he managed, his nipples rubbing and pressing against his, nails raking gently down his back. “Ah, baby… you… mm….”

The taller boy fumbled at his own fly, pushing them down part of the way while running his hands once free over every available inch of skin offered to him. Rolling them both over, he pushed Vince on his back and climbed off only long enough to tumble straight off the bed as he tried to take off his pants altogether, laughing as he landed with a crash. “Whoops,” he said, before bounding right back up, completely naked this time, and climbing back on the bed. His cock was long, cut, and pink tipped, curved slightly, jutting out proudly from pale hips and a dark nest of hair. “Ah, now where were we,” he smirked, a little more confidence in his voice as he crawled back over Vince to kiss him again.

Vince had removed his thong by then, and was just in fishnets by the time Hawk was back on him. He grinned, his cheeks flushed as he spread his legs wider, his cock shorter than his but still very impressive. It was a little thicker and a darker shade of pink. “Right here, I think,” he crooned, rutting his hips so they could slide together - a delicious feeling, and he wanted more. The dancer let his hands run down his back again, this time stopping to grab Hawk’s pert ass, giving it a squeeze before kissing him more passionately. “You’re so sexy. Fuck… just so _so_ hot. I want you to take me.” Hawk took Vince’s chin in his bigger hand and kissed him possessively, teeth clashing against teeth, tongue exploring his mouth, hungry and needy. “Is that what you want? Okay, hmmm...yeah I think that works for me,” he grinned, kissing down his neck with a self deprecating laugh and blush. “God you taste so damn good…”

“I do, yeah,” Vince answered, feeling his body burn with passion for Hawk. He turned his head to the side, giving him room. It was fast, yes, but in his line of work he’d learned to go after what he wanted - usually for money; this time was different, he really did feel an instant, real attraction. Love at first sight? He’d never been in love so he didn’t know, but he did know that this one was special. His chest heaved as he was kissed like that, soft moans coming from his lips, idly wondering if Hawk had ever been with a man before, and if so, how far? It didn’t matter. “Oh, Hawk… don’t stop.”

The bigger boy pushed Vince’s arms above his head with one hand as he kissed him, rubbing their cocks together and moaning. Momentarily, a strange thought flitted through his head; he wondered if Nigel was the kind of man who had video cameras in the rooms to spy on people, and if he and Cal were watching them right now. It was kind of a weird, kinky thought, and made him want to get a little more demonstrative and showy. He rolled off him and laid beside Vince, pulling him on top. “God, you’re really something else,” he said, looking up at him with a broad smile, lips red and swollen from their kissing.

Vince was surprised by Hawk’s actions, but they turned him on in wonderful ways. He leaned down, a seductive smirk on his lips. “Oh baby, you haven’t seen half of what I can do yet,” he whispered, then plundered his mouth, rutting and writing atop of the other boy like a bitch in heat. He licked down his jaw, to his neck where he bit and kissed. He wanted to enjoy all of him, every inch and it felt so depraved, which was saying something for the experienced dancer. “I will show you though…”

Slowly he slithered down his body, to Hawk’s nipples, which he took in his mouth one at a time, suckling.

Hawk ran his hands down through the boy’s hair and over his shoulders, looking down as he watched him slither and work his way gracefully down his body. The contact to his nipples made him hiss at the delightful sensation, sending a shock of pleasure through his body. His cock throbbed against his thigh, poking Vince as it twitched demandingly. “Ahh...sorry...just that’s...that’s so good…”

“Oh god yes,” Vince groaned, and reached around to grab his cock, giving it a few strokes. He licked his lips then got between his legs, taking it again in his hand. He licked a hot stripe up the shaft, taking the tip between his lips to press his tongue underneath it. Hawk tasted amazing, and it took all his reserve not to hop right on it. Instead he took him down to the root, blue eyes gazing up. “Mmm…”

Hawk’s hips jerked up, hands flying to his sides to bunch up into the sheets below, and he gasped loudly. “Oh fuck yeah, god!” he exclaimed, trying hard not to thrust up into his throat as bad as he wanted to. He reached down and massaged his scalp, encouraging him. “I wanna do this to you too...you look...you look so good like that,” he managed to say, in awe of Vince’s beauty and skill.

Vince hollowed his cheeks, his full lips stretched around Hawk’s cock. He hummed his agreement, eyes watering a little, then began to expertly bob up and down. Reaching down, he took his balls in his hand and starting rolling them and tugging gently, careful not to hurt Hawk. Oh he was so wet, the head of his dick was just slathered with precome from how aroused and eager he was, but he also wanted to enjoy this time.

After several minutes, Hawk knew he couldn’t hold himself back - he needed a break before he came. He wanted more of Vince. Pushing him off, he immediately pulled him up to meet his face, muscular biceps flexing as he did. “God, baby. Can I...can I kiss you again? I just don’t wanna come too uhh...too fast ya know? I don’t know if there are any condoms around here either. Can we like...maybe let me taste you now?” he asked shyly, looking deep into Vince’s eyes.

“Yeah, we can,” Vince answered sweetly, and seductively. He knew where the condoms where, and in fact, there was some right in the room. He leaned over, his body pressing against Hawk’s and reached into the night stand - lube and condoms, as he’d suspected. “I’d like to kiss you again, over and over. I don’t want to rush you either, I just…”

Vince kissed him then, letting the procured items fall the side on the bed, and rolled back on Hawk. He held his face, slowly and deeply making out with him. He also really liked being called ‘ _ baby _ ’. His whole body was hot. Resisting the urge to continue, he turned and got on his back, flat on the mattress. “I’d love for you to taste…”

Hawk spotted them and grinned, but was quickly drawn back to the beauty splayed on the bed all for him, for his enjoyment. “God…” he whispered, broad rough palms skating over creamy soft skin. He dipped his head down and swirled a tongue around one pink nipple, suckling in against his tongue until he felt the little bud peak up and pebble to a hard peak. Grazing the edges of his canines against it, he moved to the next one, teasing before moving down his belly. Short little well groomed public hair tickled his nose as he moved even lower with heavy panting breaths. “You’re so gorgeous, Vince,” he said almost reverently just as he took the boy’s hot, hard cook in his hand and licked up the side, swallowing the head whole.

The attention to his nipples had been amazing but this? This was hot as fuck. Vince arched his back, careful not to come back and thrust his cock down Hawk’s throat. He moaned loudly, hissing out pleasurable sounds as he watched his cock disappear. “Oh… fucking…” he managed, blue eyes locked onto beautiful brown hues. He felt lost in them, and in a way that assured him he never wanted to be found. Truthfully, and ironically, maybe he  _ was _ found. Maybe they’d found each other. There was time to ponder that later though, currently, all he could focus on was the handsome man with his lips on his dick. “You’re so sexy, so handsome, and so,  _ so _ good at that…”

Hawk was just going on sense, what he thought felt good, and what Vince responded to. “Haven’t mmmmm, haven’t done it much but god...you make me wanna do it a lot more,” he said, lapping up a string of pre come and swirling the tip, flicking his tongue under the glans and pursing his lips over the spongy head.

Vince flung his arms over his head and gripped the pillow, gasping when he felt the tongue under his glans. “Yes, yes, baby,” he cried out, his muscular chest heaving, thighs flexing inside the fishnets he wore. He didn’t know much about Hawk’s experience, but he knew that it felt perfect. “Either way, please don’t stop, you’re… oh god, it feels amazing.”

Hawk was leaking against his own thigh at that, and began to play with a fat, fuzzy ball, rolling it lightly in his palm, tugging a bit of skin with his fingertips the way he liked, and experimented with seeing how far he could take his cock. Timing his breath, he hollowed his cheeks and inhaled, them dipped lower, sucking and pulling back, before cycling again, and finally was able to take him all the way back. He didn’t stop until he felt the head hit the back of his throat. He choked just a little bit, but quickly recovered. Humming around the thick member, he pulled off with a wet pop and spit on it. He’d seen that done in porn and it was so hot. Looking up at the gorgeous guy on the bed, he was hotter than any porn he’d ever watched. “Wow,” he exclaimed.

“You’re kinky… I like it a lot,” Vince nearly growled, or maybe it was more like a purr, but he liked it. He swiveled his hips, making his cock smack the sides of his body, grinning lustfully at Hawk. Realizing that the ‘ _ Wow _ ’ was for him, he hooked his finger, beckoning him closer, needing to feel his body covered by the other. “Come here, I want to kiss you. I want to taste myself on your tongue before you fuck me.”

Hawk’s lips were red and puffy as he smirked back and moved up his body slowly, lean muscles flexing and sweat shimmering off his bare flesh. “Gladly, beautiful,” he murmured, and emboldened by the praise, took Vince’s mouth harder than before. Licking into his mouth with a newfound confidence, he slipped the pre come slickened muscle over Vince’s own, giving him the taste he wanted. “Mmmmm…”

“Mmmm…” Vince moaned, at the same time as Hawk, and in nearly the same way. He hooked his legs around him once more, arms too, both twinky boys feeding from each other’s mouths ravenously. That alone was obscene in a delicious way and the dancer swore to himself that he could come just from that. He wouldn’t though. No, he wanted to come when Hawk was finally inside him. When they paused to breathe, he panted. “Please...fuck me. Have you ever… have you done this before? If not it’s okay. I don’t mind, I just  _ need _ you inside me.”

Hawk blushed deeply. “Ohhh ahhh...well…” he hesitated, embarrassed to admit his lack of experience with the handsome young man. “No I haven’t but ahh … I’m a quick study. Err, not  _ quick  _  like  _ that, _ just uhm,” he stumbled, rubbing a hand over his face completely mortified at himself now.

Vince smiled, stroking Hawk’s face. He pulled him close for another kiss, letting his hands trailed down to his cock, which he stroked. He loved the feel of the other’s cock in his hand. It would be amazing to be fucked by him. “Oh I have no doubts about your abilities, baby. If you want me to be the first, I am honored.”

Hawk stared into Vince’s strikingly vivid, sapphire blue eyes and could feel more than just sexual desire there between them...he had so much exploding inside him at the moment, but this felt deeper than just random sex to him in the moment. Right now...god right now all he could think about was this perfect specimen of man in his bed, giving him his blessing to fuck him. “You might have to uhh… show me…” he said kissing him slowly again.

“I will be glad to,” Vince murmured, rolling his hips up towards Hawk. He gazed at him, just looking at how lucky  _ he _ felt. Sure, many wanted him. He’d fucked quite a few too, but this was entirely different. He reached over and handed Hawk a condom, then popped the top on the lube. Slicking up his fingers, he moved up the bed enough to give himself room to insert them into his own ass, not breaking eye contact. “We can do it like this, doggy, or me on top. Anything. Have a preference handsome?”

Hawk was nervous, however Vince’s deep, smooth voice and manner distracted him from himself and focused him entirely on the brunet beauty. “You on top. You’re just...wow…” he sighed, palms skating over his skin as he bit his bottom lip and grinned up at him, after Vince climbed right on and over him.. “I just need to say before...I really...I really like you, Vince, okay?” he confessed shyly.

Vince smiled, blushing, and looking down at Hawk. He was wet, Hawk had put the condom on, and he could feel the erection there between his cheeks ready for him. It was great but the words the other boy had spoken really warmed him. He leaned in and kissed him, soft and slow, holding his face with his clean hand. “I really like you too, Hawk. This isn’t just a...um… a one time thing for me. I want to keep seeing you, if you want.”

“Yeah...god...yes,” Hawk whispered. “I’m so happy to hear that, too.” Holding Vince’s hips steady, he kissed him and then looked into his eyes again, his erection sliding between his ass cheeks in a lazy rhythm. “Are you hmmm… can I…?” He asked, nipping at his full bottom lip.

Vince giggled, and nodded, his own cock hard and jutting. “You can. I want you to. Let me just,” he whispered, then sat up, wanting to help. He reached behind him, taking ahold of Hawk’s cock, positioning it, then slowly worked it in. With a moan, he placed his hands on his new lover’s chest, his eyes blown with lust. “You can push too, just slow at first.”

Hawk’s lips formed an  _ “O” _ , the constriction of Vince’s body was like nothing else, even just the tip as he pressed in. “Got it, nice and slow,” he whispered, pushing in and trembling as he fought to steady himself. He could feel the resistance there, Vince’s body pushing him out, and he stopped, looking up at Vince and focusing on his every breath, his eyes and lips. “How….how is it?”  

Vince relaxed and opened up fully, sitting all the way down on his cock now. “It’s so good. You’re big,” he gasped, holding Hawk’s eyes as he smiled and started to rock. He braced himself on his chest, working his hips expertly, arching his back. It made his cock start to sway, his nipples hard, and breath coming quicker. “You like being inside my ass? Mmm. I bet you do, baby.”

Hawk was panting hard, eyes wide, and whispered, “Oh yes...it feels so...I can’t even…” he said, looking down Vince’s body with disbelief at how debauched and sexy he was. Licking his lips, he spit into his palm and wrapped it around the other boy’s cock, stroking it slowly. He slid another up his chest to his nipple and began rubbing his pectorals. “Fuck, you are perfect….wow...this is...amazing…”

“You’re amazing,” Vince groaned, placing his hand over Hawk’s. He brought it to his mouth and inserted a finger between his lips, sucking on it as he picked up the pace. Muscles rippled as he rolled and undulated, taking every inch of him into the hot, tightness of his passage. His prostate was pressed on perfectly, and he felt his body clenching because of it. Hawk was sexy too. That strong jaw, his eyes, his hair, everything about him right down to his soul had the dancer pulled in and he didn’t want to be free of his spell. “Oh my fuck… I’ve never… you just… mmm….”

Hawk had never felt so alive and confident with the gorgeous boy riding him like some kind of young god, and he shifted his hips, lifting him up and slipping out enough to flip him onto his back. On top of him now, he lifted one leg over his shoulder and slipped his lube-slickened cock back inside Vince with a rough groan. “Fuck, oh fuck yeah,” he cursed, leaning down to kiss his bite-swollen lips again messily.

“Yes, oh my fuck yes,” Vince moaned, whorishly, playing with his nipples as he licked his lips and watched Hawk. “You’re so good,” he added, clenching his hole around the cock inside his tight little ass. He wanted to do it again and again, there was no way he was letting him go.

The bigger boy knew Vince probably didn’t want any marks on his body, but damn did he want to bite his neck. Instead, he settled on moving down to lap and nip at a taut nipple, sucking it hard as he rocked his hips against him, watching his cock grind in and out of Vince’s pink hole beautifully. “I never wanna stop…” Hawk said, licking back inside his mouth and swirling around his tongue, sucking hard. He pumped relentlessly until he felt himself losing it, and he was just about to pull back but it was too late. He was coming hard inside the boy, in the condom, gripping both thighs and howling against his neck.

Vince was about to say he didn’t either, but when Hawk came like that, he pulled him close, feeling the friction against his cock. It was enough to send him over the edge too, and with a moan his vision blurred, stars behind his eyes as they rolled back into his head. He came hard, hot, and thick, his hole throbbing as his seek spread between them. “Hawk, oh shit, baby!” he cried out, panting, his chest heaving quickly. He kissed him again, his skin coated with a fine sheen of sweat as his hands roved desperately over the other boy’s body. He hadn’t even heard the front door open minutes before, likely neither one of them knew that Nigel and Cal had returned. It didn’t matter. This was heaven, if there was such a place. “Mmm…. god that was good.”

Hawk wrapped his arms around Vince, trying to catch his breath and oblivious to anything else but his own heart pounding as he held him. “It was...wow,” he said, smiling and wiping the sweat from Vince’s brow. “Maybe you can hang out with me a little longer? Have a bite? Talk and stuff? I...like you. Like I ya know, said,” he chuckled, blushing self consciously.

“I like you too, and sure! I’d love to stay, as long as Nigel is okay with it. Um, and Cal,” Vince said with a chuckle, then kissed him once more, stroking his face. His tummy rumbled, and he laughed louder, letting it ebb into a smile. Cute dimples and all, he licked his lips. “I am hungry.”

“Well get the fuck out here and eat then, both of you,” Nigel yelled as he walked past their room, giving Cal a cheeky look.

Vince covered his mouth, shaking his head, as wide blue eyes gazed at Hawk. “Fuck. I wonder how much they heard. Oops.”

Hawk turned bright red, gathering the sheets around him to cover himself and throwing them over his head. “Oh god. I can die now.” He peeked out over the blankets at Vince and laughed. “Ahhh. Well I guess at least it wasn’t Mom or Dad,” he groaned. It was still a bit embarrassing, but he hoped they hadn’t been there the  _ whole _ time. “Let’s clean up and eat, yeah….”

Vince leaned forward and kissed him sweetly. “You can  _ not  _ die,” he said, smiling. He got up then, his muscular ass flexing before bending over and exposing it. Standing up, he pulled on his thong. “I’m sure Nigel isn’t phased but yeah, let’s go eat. Have any sweats I can borrow?”

Hawk stared appreciatively at the sexy boy and grabbed his duffel bag, pulling out some clothes. “Sure do. Here, these will probably work,” he said, and gave him a pair of grey sweatpants and a pale blue tee shirt with a Meyer eye on the front, as well as another for himself and some jeans. He strolled towards the bathroom and gestured towards it. “We can share if you want. Ya know to save time and all,” he smirked.

“Thanks. I like that idea a lot,” Vince said with a blush on his face. He walked into the bathroom with him, then pushed him against the door, kissing him, before shutting it so they could clean up.

Outside the room, Nigel sat next to Cal on the couch. “You bothered that the kid fucked one of my dancers, darling?”

Blue eyes looked over Nigel thoughtfully. “He’s an adult. I don’t know anything about your workers except they appear healthy and happy. I am concerned Hawk may develop feelings though, since he’s just coming off this thing with Caleb. Is Vince a good kid?” He asked.

Cal knew about Nigel having fucked him a few times before, they’d talked about it when they first got there, but he didn’t bring it back up and he sure as fuck wasn’t going to say shit to anyone about it. He thought about Cal’s question. “Vince is a good worker, he brings in a fuck ton of money, but he’s only here trying to get ahead. He’s not fucked up like a lot of my dancers are you know? He’s got a lot of potential and a big heart too, from what I’ve seen.”

Of course Cal remembered what Nigel had told him, but didn’t see any point in rehashing it himself. They both had past lovers, and he doubted Nigel wanted to discuss or be reminded of his, either. Be that as it may, he had a slightly paternal, protective feeling towards Hawk and was glad to hear Vince was of good character. “Well, that makes me happy to hear.” He moved close to Nigel and slipped his arms around his waist and kissed him softly.

Nigel had no reason to want it rehashed either. He sure as fuck didn’t want to think about Cal’s exes anymore, or past lovers, whatever. He was starting to grow fond of the kid too though, especially since Cal was. He wound his arm around his darling’s shoulders, and angled his body to reach over and hold his face. “Good, baby,” he whispered, kissing him a little deeper, not starting anything but just to taste him. “I love you. Do you know how much I fuckin’ do?”

“I think I do, actually,” Cal answered with a small smile, his hand wandering to Nigel’s muscular backside. He rubbed, feeling him up a  bit and enjoying each curve and flat plane of sinew, up his lower back and spine. He was such a stunningly handsome man, Cal was rather awestruck, and certainly very smitten.

Nigel basked in the affection. He craved it from Cal, and more so than he had with anyone else. He pulled him close, kissing him again, down to his neck. “Good, darling.”

His phone rang, which made Nigel move and it was one of his clients. He’d been out of town long enough that they were starting to get impatient and want to book appointments again, it seemed. He let it go to voicemail, but it would have to be handled. “I should think about getting back to counseling, helping people, the ministry, if you have no objections, Nigel,” he said, checking his phone and seeing he had many emails.

“Course not, blue eyes. If that’s what makes you happy and all,” Nigel said, still not fully grasping the need to help others but he wouldn’t object to Cal doing something he loved. He pulled out his phone as well. “I need to go down to the office later too. I have to make sure Darko has been moving the product and not chasing after ass. He gets distracted sometimes.”

***

Cal had messages waiting for him. Word spread amongst his clients, positive word, people who’d been fighting demons and failing until they’d attended his seminars and listened to him speak. As dynamic as he was on stage, the man was ten times that one on one. Holding someone’s hand and looking into their eyes, he could convince anyone without the shadow of a doubt that they had the power to change a white wall to red simply with a thought. That they could cure addiction and destructive patterns of behavior and heal themselves, and there were broken people lining up to stare into Cal’s intense blue eyes and take the journey with him.

Hawk worked steadily alongside Cal, and he found instead of it being just a “vacation” or mission trip, he really wanted to remain. He’d fallen hard for Vince, as well as Vince with him and Cal was proud to see what a good speaker and leader he’d become in his own right. But Vince was a big, big source of light for him. It turned out though they’d had vastly different upbringings, they saw eye to eye on so many things.

While the young lovers were busy, Nigel focused on Cal firstly, but his business, too. He and Darko still had something in the works for Matteo. They would take him out and take over.

Tonight wasn’t the night though, so it was business as usual. He came back early, knowing Hawk and Vince would be out together, and surprised Cal with some dinner. They ate, and he hooked his arm around him on the sofa. “Life with you is fucking perfect, darling,” Nigel said, then heard a knock on the door. He looked at Cal, reaching for his gun. They weren’t expecting anyone. At least he wasn’t. Quietly: “You expecting anyone?” 

Cal furrowed his brow and shook his head, one hand already around his love as they were relaxing. “No, I have no idea who it could be,” he said, getting up at the same time.

Nigel pulled out his gun, cocking it. In his line of work it could be any one, so he was prepared. “Then let’s find out,” he said, and walked over the door. When he opened it, he uncocked his gun, putting it away, seeing a pregnant blonde woman. “Who are you?”

The woman stared at him with large, scared blue eyes, and Cal stepped up beside Nigel quickly. “Mary, what the hell are you doing here?”

Tears welled up in her eyes and her lips began to shake. “I’m sorry, Cal, I didn’t know where else to go. My father’s trying to get back into my life, b-b-but,” she stammered, her hand resting on her belly.

Nigel wouldn’t hurt a pregnant woman and he could see fear on any man or woman, he’d caused a lot of it actually in the past. “Mary, yeah? Come in, won’t you? I’m Nigel,” he interjected, stepping back. If she weren’t pregnant and so fear laden, he might’ve been jealous, but that wasn’t the case. He felt for her in all honesty, though he wondered how the fuck she knew where they lived. “You’re safe here, sweetheart.”

She exhaled a little shakily, relieved when she saw the tall, intimidating looking man seemed to soften from the original look in his intense eyes when he first opened the door. Her vision shifted to Cal and she stepped inside, not moving her hands protectively from her belly.

“I’ll get you a glass of water. Nigel, take her to sit in the living room, please? ” Cal asked, ushering her inside and stepping away to go to the kitchen as Nigel nodded.

Mary looked to Nigel and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. “I’m so sorry to intrude on you, I just need help,” she said quietly.

“I have a soft spot for pregnant women,” Nigel said softly. And it was true. He did. Leading her to the living room, he gestured to the couch and then passed her a box of Kleenex. “It’s alright. We’ll help you. I don’t know you, but anyone who is a friend of my darling Cal’s is a friend of mine.”

She took the tissue gratefully and sat down, dabbing her eyes and blowing her small nose a little. “Thank you. It’s not for me, it’s for him,” she said, rubbing her belly again. “I just don’t want the baby hurt. I’ve been to hell and back. He deserves a fair chance. It’s not his fault he’s…” she drifted off weakly, and Nigel nodded, as Cal came in with the water.

He handed it to her and sat beside her on the sofa, brows knitted together. “What’s he done?” he asked.

Nigel listened, waiting to see what she would say. He was still a little watchful, hoping she wasn’t trying to get back with Cal but he was going to give them both the benefit of the doubt - which wasn’t something he’d normally do. “Yeah, let us know, so we can fucking do something about it.”

Mary’s blue eyes drifted between Cal and Nigel, and watched as Cal’s hand moved to Nigel’s. “Oh,” she whispered quietly. “Are you  _ together _ ? I-I didn’t know,” she said.

“Yes, we are, Mary. But please tell us what’s going on, won’t you?” Cal encouraged in a gentle voice. “We will help you, whatever it is.”

The blonde sighed and shook her head, crying anew. “I really don’t know what to do anymore, Cal. My father wants me to go live with him so he can take care of me and the baby since...since I’m...alone. I...I left the compound. I couldn’t bear it anymore. They all know who...well, who the uhm...who the father is. I didn’t tell them. Sarah did, and I was run out. Dad claims he’s a born again Christian but I can see how he treats me. It’s the same. The exact same.” She burst into full on tears then, her face sinking into her hands in desperation.

Cal’s face became pale and realization dawned over him. “I see,” he said. “Mary...is it...am  _ I _ …?”

She wordlessly nodded and turned her head towards him. “I’m so sorry. I’m not trying to interfere in anything but I have nowhere to go,” she said in a weak voice. 

Cal pulled her to him and patted her slight shoulders, looking at Nigel in a way that said they’d talk about it later, hoping he wouldn’t get upset right now, not with a fragile pregnant woman there. “Please just drink some water and take a breath, Mary. No one’s saying you’ve done anything wrong, and of course we can help you. Nigel...is there anywhere you have she can stay? And perhaps have a doctor look her over?” he asked gently.

Nigel wasn’t thrilled with Cal pulling her close in all honesty but because Mary was so upset, and pregnant, he decided he definitely have a talk with Cal later. He nodded at the question. “I’ll talk to Darko. He knows more fucking people here than I do already,” he said, rubbing his jaw then turned to Mary. “Listen sweetheart, we are going to take care of you and the little one, yeah? Are you hungry?”

She shook her head. “No, no I’m not really. I’m too stressed out, but I probably should try for his sake,” she said.

Cal got up and motioned for her to stay put. “Please get comfortable for now here. Nigel and I are going to have a quick word and arrange for Darko to come get you and take you to a clean apartment, with food and all you’ll need.” He took Nigel’s hand to guide him to his office where they could speak privately.

“Thank you, both,” she said softly, sitting back and drinking more of her water. Nigel nodded at her, and then ran his fingers through his hair as he walked with Cal into his office. He shut the door and crossed his arms over his chest.

“So … it looks like you’re a father.”

Cal was rubbing both hands over his face and pacing anxiously. “Yeah. It does. Look, this was obviously before I even met you, and I had no idea until this moment. We split up months and months ago,” he sighed, walking to a bookcase and running his fingers along the edge before turning to face Nigel.

“Yeah,” Nigel began, pursing his lips with a sad cant of head. He pulled out a cigarette and lit it up since they were in his office anyway and the door was shut. Still, he went over to crack a window. That alone said how much he loved Cal. “I know that. But I need to know if you’re going to try to do the family unit shit. I’ll still help her either way. We will. I’m not mad at either one of you. I just...I just fucking need to know before I go insane.”

Cal looked over at him sharply. “Family unit? I’m not getting together with her if that’s what you’re asking, and I don’t think she wants that either. But I mean...if I’m the child’s father, I would like to be in his life, yeah. In fact I should be. It’s the right thing, and it’s not his fault his parents are two fuck ups who made a huge mistake, right? Why should he suffer because of us...I mean...I don’t even know how to feel about it to be honest. What do I even do. Do….do you have any kids?” Cal asked Nigel, blinking up at him.

Nigel’s whole expression softened when he heard Cal panicking. He gently took his face in his hands. “Hey, hey, gorgeous,” he said, kissing him, “it’s okay. I get jealous sometimes but I just don’t want to lose you. As for the baby. He or she will have three parents. A mother, a father, and papa Nigel. This kid will be one spoiled baby.”

With a smile, he let his face go, then raised one brow. “I mean that is if you want me to be a part of his or her life too? And if Mary does, but we can talk about that later if you want. Right now you just need to be calm. I don’t have any kids though, no, and you’re not a fuck up.”

Like a warm blanket of calm washing over him, Cal took a deep breath at Nigel’s words. His voice was just the right amount of calm - deep, rough and soothing. “Thanks. I guess I just really wasn’t expecting this at all. It helps to know that you’re behind me, though,” he said, and slid his arms around him, embracing him. Laying his head on Nigel’s strong chest felt good.

Nigel rubber Cal’s back, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, into shorn locks. “You’re welcome, baby. We’ll work it all out,” he promised, taking in Cal’s scent, enjoying the fact that he could calm his boyfriend. “It sure as fuck was shocking though.”

Cal chuckled and squeezed the bigger man, kissing him. “Why don’t you call Darko and get her set up somewhere? I think I’d like to be alone with you again, if you know what I mean,” he said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“That’s what I was getting to, yeah,” Nigel nodded with a chuckle. He grinned and squeezed Cal’s ass, just once, letting him know he understood perfectly. “Darko will be more than happy to have a hot little blonde like Mary around. And I’ll be pleased as fucking punch to have you to myself again. I’ll call him.”

 


	11. Chapter 11

Cal waited with Nigel for Darko to come over and get Mary settled, and he did just that, setting her up in a furnished apartment in his building. They got her some food, and made plans to have the staff doctor look at her the next day to make sure she and the baby were still okay.

Nigel decided it wasn’t just Mary that needed to move. He’d been looking into getting a house for them, and found the right fit, finally. He bought a place out of the city, and when Cal gave the go ahead, liking the garden space there, Nigel got it set up. He even decided to let Hawk and Vince stay back at his old apartment. Things were falling into place.

After a few weeks of enjoying time together, Nigel realized there was one more loose end needed to be tied up though. Matteo. He’d not forgotten about him, even if it had been great taking a mental break. Over the next few days, Nigel and Darko planned everything out, having been watching his every move. When he comes, when he goes, when he shits. All of it. All the was left was for Nigel to talk to Cal about it, just in case something didn’t go well and all.

Nigel knew Cal would be about to do one of those evening motivational talks, so he showed up at the center and went into Cal’s dressing room, walking right in. “Hello, gorgeous.”

Cal was standing in front of the mirror, practicing his monologue, black tee shirt stretched tight across his chest and biceps straining against the fabric. He had a serious look on his face, hard and stern, usually what he did when he spoke directly to someone, to arrest their attention. Once he had it, he’d switch to a softer tone, his large blue eyes shifting to a look of empathy and kindness.

Hearing Nigel’s voice roused him, and he turned to face him slowly. “Oh hey! I’m so glad you came. What an unexpected surprise,” he said, walking towards him. His jaw shifted as he looked the tall Romanian up and down with a lustful smirk.

“Wanted to come see you, blue eyes. Talk to you about my plans and all. For the night. But I have to fucking admit that seeing you like this again, like the first fucking time I saw you, it has me feeling nostalgic, some might say.”

Nigel saw that look, and he looked at the clock, backing Cal up against the dressing room door, a dark smoldering look in his amber hues. He ran the tips of his finger along his lover’s jaw, to his mouth, which he traced. “Everyone gets to see you looking sexy as fuck like this. Maybe I should fuck you before you go on, so you’ll be thinking of only me while you’re motivating everyone else, hm?”

Goosebumps formed along Cal’s arms, and his nipples hardened at the smoky words and the suggestion. He glanced at his watch and smirked, locking eyes with Nigel and not looking down as he began to unbuckle his belt. Licking his lips, he sauntered towards the other man, the only sound between them his short, sharp breath and the unzipping of his fly. “I think I have time for that. For  _ motivation _ .”

The Romanian was unbuttoning his fly as Cal spoke. He pulled out his hard cock, and pumped it a few times, then some lubrication from his jeans pocket. Nigel slicked up his cock then pinned Cal back against the door where he took his mouth, licking into it hotly, and hastily. “Goddamned right you do, baby,” he groaned, as he took both their cocks in large, slick palm to stroke. He let go then turned him around, pressing against him from behind. He pulled down his lover’s pants and rutted his cock between his cheeks. Whispering near his ear, he rubbed the head over Cal’s hole and pressed in. “Been thinking of fucking you all day, if I’m honest.”

“Ahhhh,” Cal groaned as he was pinned to the wall. “Fuck yes, god, Nigel,” he gasped, arching his back and pressing into him, leaning into the intense burn of being filled so fast and hard. His vision whited out, a moment of sharp pain gradually giving way to an intense pleasure.

Nigel took it a little slower at the gasp but once he felt that sweet little hole open up and stretch around his girthy cock, he started to pump in earnest. “Yeah baby. You take me so well,” he growled, one hand on Cal’s hip, the other wrapped around and up his chest. He licked and bit the back of his neck as he thrusted relentlessly, knowing there wasn’t much time. “You fucking feel so good. You’re gonna feel me when you give your talk.”

Cal’s cock bounced against his thigh and into the wall, and he reached between his legs to grip it, pumping himself steadily. The thick uncut dick penetrating him struck his prostate over and over, pulling him to the edge. Head tilted back and neck exposed to Nigel’s teeth, he panted raggedly, begging for more. “Fuck me harder, Nigel, give it to me, every inch, fuck…”

The gangster groaned at that and reached around to take Cal’s cock from him. He clucked his tongue. “ _ No _ . That’s for me to fuckin’ do,” he growled, and pumped into his ass harder, large balls slapping against firm cheeks. He stroked him in time, biting at his neck. With his free hand, he turned his lover’s face to his own and kissed him from behind, demandingly, wanting to claim every inch of him all at once. Nigel was a greedy lover; he had to have every bit of Cal, and he had to be the only one pleasuring him. “Yeah, baby. Every inch is yours. Oh fuck, how you  _ motivate  _ me like this. Life fucking changing, gorgeous. Mm.”

Cal relinquished his cock to the bigger man and placed both palms flat against the wall, bracing himself and arching into Nigel. He groaned into the Romanian’s mouth, teeth biting, sucking his tongue as he felt sweat trickle down his back. “I’m gonna come, oh I’m so fucking close,” he whispered.

“Fucking come on my cock, draga,” Nigel moaned, roughly, swiveling his hips, his ass flexing and pants hanging beneath tawny cheeks. He bit at Cal’s lips, sucking his tongue and panting in his mouth as his hand twisted and worked. “Give it to me. I want it all.”

His black tee shirt rode up his cut physique, and Cal came hard with a deep grunt, shooting thick white come over the wall, and Nigel’s tanned knuckles. “God, fuck, oh fuck, Nigel,” he gasped. “You...you… I want you to come inside me, please,” he said, his body still pulsating with his orgasm.

“Your wish is my fucking command, gorgeous.” Nigel all but roared at that and he thrusted harder, his cock tapping Cal’s sensitive prostate. It only took a few more whips of hips and he was coming. He kissed him as he filled his darling’s hole with his hot spend, feeding from his mouth like a starving man. “I love you. Oh fuck, I fucking love you so much, baby.”

Cal was spent, but in the best way. His chest still pounding, he laughed with joy, hoarse from his breathing, and kissed Nigel with abandon. “I love you so much, Nigel. You’re just...you’re amazing.”

Nigel pulled out and turned Cal around. He kissed him again on the lips, then his jaw, then his neck. He held his face and looked into his eyes. “So are you, darling. My whole world. Fuck everyone else but us, yeah?” he laughed, a warm twinkle in his eyes. Only for Cal.

“Yeah...but I have paying customers waiting, as much as I’d love to stay like this,” Cal replied. After kissing him once more and walked to the sink to slash water on his face and tuck himself back in. “It’ll only be an hour,” he smiled in the mirror back at his lover.

“Alright, darling, but then I need to talk to you. Shit with Matteo is going down later tonight,” Nigel said as he put his cock away and fastened his pants. He liked the fact that Cal would have to clench his ass during the talk to keep his come from dribbling out and into his pants. Unless he cleaned that first, but at least he’d be sore from it. Nigel smiled. “So I’ll wait in the car, make some calls, then take you home if you want?”

“Yes, that’s good. I should clean up and go out there, but uhh...see you soon,” he grinned. Cal headed for the bathroom and tidied up before heading out to the ballroom.

Cal was a force of nature, gesturing animatedly and passionately speaking of running away, of not accepting defeat or mediocrity. About taking control of one’s future and believing in something. He could see people react, nodding vehemently and responding well. This was where he felt the most worthy and alive. He was raw electricity, a live wire, passion and conviction in one package.

***

Back home, Nigel embraced Cal. “Alright, darling, I’m leaving soon. Need to go over a few things with you first though. You hungry?” he asked, speaking into his neck, rubbing his muscular back.

Cal leaned into him and sighed. Caressing his stubbled jaw, he stared at his lips for a moment and back to his eyes. “I have a meatless vindaloo in the fridge I can heat up. What did you want to go over?” Cal hated the idea of Nigel going, but he couldn’t stop him. He just believed the light would protect him.

Nigel kissed Cal once more, then took his hand. “I want to you show you the safe, gorgeous. In case anything happens, you’ll be taken care of,” he said, and lead him into the basement. There was a bookshelf there, and behind one of the books was a flush button, which Nigel pressed to make a secret door open. He looked at Cal and winked, then walked him inside. “Watch the code I enter, yeah? Something happens to me, you take everything that's in here,  and get the fuck out of town, preferably the country. Get Hawk and Vince out also. Understand, baby?”

Cal’s eyes widened. “Nigel...should I come with you? I don’t want to leave you behind. You’re not doing this alone, are you?” He leaned against the wall and looked between the safe and Nigel with concern and worry.

“I’d rather you not, darling. Darko and a few of our men are coming. We have it covered,” Nigel assured, wrapping his arm around Cal. His free hand stroked his face, tracing his jaw. “I just needed you to know what to do. You know, in case and all.”

“I know you don’t believe, but I’ll be praying for you, Nigel. The Light will guide and protect you… for me,” Cal answered, pressing his lips to the older man’s mouth.

Nigel smiled over Cal’s lips, and held his face in both hands as he kissed him again, reverently, and passionately. “Your prayers are the only ones that matter to me. If you believe it, then I have more faith in your words than any fucking thing else,” he murmured, gazing at the love of his life. “So I appreciate it, blue eyes.”

Cal embraced him, taking a deep breath as if to memorize the warmth and scent of his love. “Thank you...it means a lot to hear you say that. Just hurry back, okay?” he said with a smile.

“I’ll be back soon. Shouldn’t take too long to take Matteo and his men down, then we’ll double our revenue, eh?”

Nigel kissed Cal once more, then closed the safe, leading him back upstairs. He grabbed his gun, his keys, and his phone, then turned back to his lover. “You paid attention to the code to the safe though right? You remember it?”

Cal nodded. “I’ve got it, Nigel, but I won’t need it,” he said, laying a hand on Nigel’s back and rubbing his shoulders. Nigel smiled, and nodded.

“Be back soon, baby.”

***

The time finally arrived, and Nigel met Darko at their decided location. Their men were already in place and it didn’t take long at all before they’d killed off all of Matteo’s guards and his men. A few defected and wanted to work for Nigel but honestly, he couldn’t risk it. So he shot them, cold blood, no regrets.

By the time they reached Matteo, he knew they were coming. Of course he knew. The gun he had didn’t serve him well. A knee cap shot out, Matteo dropped his gun, and fell to the floor in agony. Nigel wanted to take care of him personally, and Darko stood by, waiting and watching, as their men kept watch outside.

Nigel had to admit it was pretty surprising that Matteo didn’t beg for his life. He didn’t try to bargain or sell him bullshit. He was met with iron fists, and a firm and vein lined hand around his throat. The Romanian squeezed the life out of his rival -- once his boss -- and watched his light fade to black. It was beautiful in its own way and killing him in that way just felt more intimate somehow. Not usually something he gave a fuck about, but this was a victory.

When they were done, Nigel had a couple guys come in and start cleaning up the mess, and ordered them to get rid of the body, and take their remaining product back to the warehouse.

“Well asshole, no one else to get in our way, least for now,” Darko said, patting Nigel’s back as they smoked and walked back to their vehicles.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Now go watch the club for me, eh? I need to get back home.”

“This Cal has your balls in a vice? You  _ are _ a love addict.”

“Fuck you. I’m going there because I want to be there,” Nigel grunted, pulled out his keys. “Just keep an eye on Mary. She’s important to Cal. So is Hawk.”

“Mary and I are doing good.  _ Very _ good. And, Hawk stays fucking Vince. They are better than we’ll ever be,” Darko laughed.

“Not better than me. I’ve got Cal. Fuck everything else that isn’t him.”

“Fuck you too, brother,” Darko laughed. “See you tomorrow when you decide to come show your face.”

“Yeah, tomorrow.”

***

Nigel had a gash in his brow from the headbutt Matteo had given him, but he was otherwise in good shape when he turned the key and walked inside the home he and Cal shared. It was three am, and he went to see if he was still up or in bed once he toed off his boots and removed his shirt.

Cal was kneeling at the foot of the bed, eyes closed in prayer. The light was on, and he’d placed a small wooden carving of the Meyer eye in front of him to focus on. Turning when he heard him come in, he stood and looked in relief. He quickly closed the space between them, looking at the cut on his head. “Are you okay? Is that serious?” he asked, hands reaching for him.

The image of Cal prayer and likely for him, touched Nigel in a way that no one else had. He wrapped both arms around him and kissed him soundly. “Yeah, baby. Just a scratch. Nothing serious.” Feeling his darling’s body in his arms warmed him. He was home. Cal was his everything.

“I’m home safe and sound, just like I promised you, draga mea.”

Cal exhaled heavily in relief, burying his nose in the crook of Nigel’s neck, and kissed him. “Thank...well thank the Light. I’m just glad you’re back and here with me. Did it go as you’d hoped, then?”

Nigel smiled and kissed Cal softly, stroking his cheek. “Yeah, darling, it did. Matteo and his men are a thing of the fucking past,” he said, drinking in every bit of Cal Roberts, the man he loved more than life itself. More than any light, or anyone.

Cal pulled back and sat on the edge of the bed, looking serious up at Nigel. “I’m relieved. I’ve been thinking and...well, reflecting. Something I realized while you were gone.” He stood then and took Nigel’s hand to lead him out to the kitchen. He pulled the recycling bin out and looked down inside, gesturing. The box was full of empty beer bottles and whiskey. “I’m not doing well. I’ve been struggling and I can’t...I’ve been asking the light why. I think it’s my past. There’s stuff I’ve been pushing down.”

Admittedly, Nigel had been offering Cal whiskey and beer, wanting him to relax, and just live life. He rubbed his scruff, scratching at it with his free hand. At first it had been to just get him to be with him, in a way anyway, to let his guard down a bit, but now, well now he had his darling, and if Cal wanted to be free of his past and his struggles, Nigel would support that. “Baby… I hate hearing that you’re not happy. You know you can talk to me, right? Or see a therapist if you  wanted?”

“Therapy doesn’t work on me,” Cal said, a stubborn edge to his voice. “I’ve tried different things. None of it’s worked.” he cracked his knuckles and rubbed his palms together. “I’m not sure what to do, but yeah, I need help.”

Nigel sat down next to Cal, sighing. “Listen. So remember when I told you about how I grew up and all? There’s more to the story. I have a brother. Mom gave him away when we were just little lads. He’s my twin, actually, Hannibal Lecter. The reason he has a different last name is because he was adopted,” he explained, looking over at his lover. “He found me when I was in my early twenties. Smug fuck is what he is. Rich, a doctor, talented as hell. He likes classical music too though, ‘spose we have that much in common, among other things, but uh, so we got to know one another before he went off to Florence. I see him maybe once every few years.”

A brother? This piqued Cal’s interest. He hadn’t heard too much about Nigel’s family, and knowing they both came from dysfunctional backgrounds, he wondered what this brother was like, especially as an only child, himself. 

Running his hand through his hair, Nigel licked his lips and continued. “Anyway, so as it turns out, he lives in Baltimore right now, but he just so happened to call me the other day. He, ah, he wants to come visit us here. Well his specialty is all that therapy shit. So if you wanted to talk to him, I figure it would be a good time to do, since he’s going to be here this weekend. Sorry I didn’t mention him before, yeah? But it’s just one of those things that’s fuckin’ hard to talk about.”

Cal raised both eyebrows, an innocently curious expression. “Really, a therapist? I can’t even fathom it, but...I don’t do well with psychoanalysis. I’ll meet him because he’s your brother of course, but I don’t want him to get all…” Cal sighed and rubbed his face. “Well, we’ll see. Thank you, Nigel. I know you...I know you just want to help me.”

“I do, darling,” Nigel admitted, reaching over to hold Cal’s hand. He raised it, and kissed the back, brushing his lips over his skin in reverence. “Hannibal isn’t your average fucking shrink though, I have to tell you that in advance. He’s sort of unique in how he does shit, you know? You’ll see though.” he said. He just hoped that… that Cal wasn’t charmed by him. So many were, but then again wasn’t the ‘devil’ supposed to be that way? It was one of his brother’s advantages. Nigel was outright with his violence, with his conquests and desires. He showed emotion more than Hannibal. Still, he trusted his darling Cal.

“I’m interested in meeting him, just because he’s your brother.” Cal slipped his arms around Nigel and kissed his chin, adding a playful nibble. “I love you, Nigel…”

“I love you, Cal,” Nigel rasped, grinning toothily at the nibble. It wasn’t often he said his lover’s name, but he wanted him to feel the full spectrum of his love and feeling. “So fucking much.”

***

The weekend rolled around, and Nigel and Cal prepared for Hannibal’s arrival. Nigel offered Hannibal a room of his own to sleep in while he was in town, but as predicted, he declined. Nigel knew his brother liked to have time to draw, write, or whatever, and that he enjoyed all that fancy shit. That was fine, especially since he didn’t know how Cal would feel being around his brother for that long and doing therapy, if that even happened.

It was four in the evening, and Nigel paced, looking at his watch. Hannibal had already called and said he was on his way. Back and forth he passed Cal, more just anxious to get this initial meeting over with. Nigel wasn’t one to be nervous, and he wasn’t, but fuck, this was going to be interesting.

Just then, the doorbell rang. Nigel looked at Cal.

“Alright, gorgeous. He’s here.”

Cal stood and smoothed down his khakis, his pale green polo shirt tucked in neatly, Meyer Eye adorning the pocket. “Hey, just relax, Nigel. It’ll be fine, I’m sure,” he said, smiling. His guard up, he had his loosely at his sides, body language relaxed. He was good at these types of meetings, and curious to meet his lover’s family.

“Alright, darling. Here goes, eh?”

Drawing a breath, Nigel cleared his throat and went to open it. On the other side waited Hannibal Lecter. Identical to Nigel in features. No tattoos, no scars that were visible. He was dressed in a three piece maroon and grey suit. Matching paisley tie,  and pocket square. Italian leather bags were in his hands, polished shoes on his feet, and his hair was impeccably styled.

“Hello, Nigel,” Hannibal said first, a smile on his clean shaven face.

Nigel grinned, shaking his head. “Hello, brother. Leave it to you to dress like that on a fucking airplane. Come in, yeah? Let me get your bags and shit.”

Hannibal canted his head, a twinkle in his eye. Nigel was Nigel, and he knew and loved him.

“Thank you,” he said, stepping inside. “I always dress my best. Travel is no exception.” 

With a snort, Nigel brought in Hannibal’s bags and set them on the couch. “Yeah, yeah. Alright, so I’m assuming you haven’t gone to the hotel yet. You’re welcome to stay here still, but first, I want you to meet my darling Cal.”

Cal strode forward confidently and smiled broadly at Hannibal. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Doctor. I’ve yet to meet any of Nigel’s family. Welcome.”

Hannibal smiled in turn, pressing his tie down before offering his hand to Cal. Quite lovely indeed, but the eye on his shirt interested the doctor greatly. “The pleasure is all mine, I assure you, Cal,” he said smooth and measured. “And please, call me Hannibal. We are family after all of perhaps we will be one day soon.”

Nigel coughed, not wanting Cal to feel...crowded though maybe he was projecting a little. “So are you staying here then? You know, being as we’re all the fucking Brady bunch apparently.”

“Nothing would please me more,” Hannibal said to Nigel, letting go of Cal’s hand. He looked back at his brother’s lover, peering into his soul seemingly when he made eye contact. “That is, if Cal has no objections? I would hate to be an inconvenience.”

Cal shifted his eyes to Nigel, then looked down, waving his hands towards the living room. He found Hannibal’s gaze to be piercing and a little too intense for his comfort zone. Normally he might’ve stared back, a show of dominance, and he felt his guard shift knowing immediately he’d given himself away. But this was Nigel’s brother, family, and there was no need to feel defensive. Still, he knew it was due to knowing the man was a psychiatrist. He smiled and blue eyes flickered from Hannibal to Nigel, where he was considerably more comfortable. “It would not be any inconvenience at all. Our home is yours,” he said, and reached for Nigel’s arm to weave his own together. Security, perhaps, but he leaned on Nigel.

Nigel held Cal’s arm in his closely. He knew Hannibal wouldn’t be as  _ rude _ to try to flirt with his boyfriend but he also knew that his brother did like to be showy. He nodded at Cal, then looked at his near mirror image. “Yeah, stay, Hannibal.”

Hannibal observed the whole situation. He knew Nigel to be an alpha male, just as he was, but he could sense a power in Cal as well. Clearly, in their relationship, his brother seemed to be the more dominant though. Doctor Lecter’s mind ran in several trains of thought at once and just briefly he wondered what he might do to entertain himself while visiting. Naturally, a plan started to form. Inhaling, he smelled a bit of soil, grass, gardening on Cal. He smelled fresh and with just a bit of musk. No cigarettes. Clean diet. Tea.

“I would be delighted to stay, yes. If you show me to my room, I will call and cancel my hotel reservation.”

“Yeah, I’ll show you,” Nigel said, kissing Cal’s jaw. “Darling, why don’t you make us some tea, yeah? I’ll take Hannibal to his room.”

Cal kissed Nigel back, relaxing with the affection. “Perfect, yes I’ll start a kettle. Chamomile to relax, I think,” he said, and went to the kitchen.

With that Nigel lead Hannibal to his room and left him to get settled. He came back and walked up behind Cal, kissing the back of his neck. “So? What do you think? Pompous as fuck, right?” He chuckled.

Cal smiled, moving the kettle off the burner and setting the time on his watch to steep for just the right amount. Five minutes and ninety degrees centigrade. “He is quite the opposite of you, but the resemblance is striking. Your mirror image but opposite. Frankly, you’re the better looking one, by far,” Cal smirked, kissing Nigel’s lips as he leaned in. “I’m honored to meet him, though. Thank you.”

Nigel kissed Cal again for that, running his hands up and down his lover’s muscular body. He grinned toothily. “I’m better looking? Even with my tattoos and shit? You don’t prefer the ah...the clean shaven, polished look then?” he asked, pressing Cal against the counter, gazing at his darling. “Love you so much. Do you know that?”

Cal grinned. “No. I love your tattoos and the way you dress, the way you carry yourself, how you look. All of it. But it’s your mind and heart I’m the most in love with,” he answered. 

Cal laid teacups and the pot out on the table, cream and sugar there if Hannibal should want it. 

Nigel palmed Cal’s ass, then pressed against it, gripping his hips. He leaned over and kissed up and down the sides of his neck. “Yeah? I’m in love with all of you, gorgeous. _ Every _ ,” he began, groping his lover possessively, “fucking part.”

Maybe it was because his charming brother was going to be staying with them, and his need to mark Cal, so to speak, or maybe he was just horny. Either way, he just needed to touch him.

“I’m going to fuck you hard later, baby. Going to taste all of you too. From your cock, to that ass, then even your toes.”

Cal’s jaw shifted and he exhaled hard through his nostrils, leaning into Nigel’s hands. He could feel himself firm under his touch, and he licked his lips slowly, blue eyes flitting up to meet Nigel’s intensely. “Good. I think we should get your brother settled in so we can get to that,” he smirked, gripped Nigel’s thick bicep and squeezing.

“Yeah,” Nigel rumbled, licking his lips as well. When Cal had turned around to face him, he’d seen the look in his eyes, and it made his cock throb. Soon. He knew they’d have to entertain Hannibal a little, make sure he had what he needed and all. “Once he’s settled, you better be ready, darling.”

Right about that time Hannibal walked in, and oh the scent of arousal was pungent in his nose. He stayed in the doorway, clasping his hands together. “As I can see that you and Cal have...matters to attend to, I will take my tea in my room.”

Nigel walked over to Hannibal and clapped a hand on his shoulder. “We do, eventually. But you just got here, brother. Let’s all have our tea -- beer in my case -- in the living room for a bit.”

“Very well,” Hannibal smiled, then walked over to procure his tea, adding a bit of honey and a little milk as well. He turned his gaze to Cal. “Thank you for the tea, Cal.”

Cal, emboldened, Met Hannibal’s gaze more easily and smiled with confidence. “We want to be good hosts. And you never know, maybe we can visit you sometime as well in...was it Baltimore?” He followed Nigel and sat beside him on the sofa in the living room, his own tea in hand.

Nigel hooked an arm around Cal, his beer in the other hand, looking at Hannibal as he sat in the recliner near them. “That would be quite nice,” the doctor replied, his eyes flitting from Nigel to Cal. He blew on his tea, stirring gingerly, and elegantly before taking a sip. “Yes. Baltimore. I have a private practice there.”

And he was due to meet a new patient not long from now. A man named Will Graham.

“But I must admit, Cal. I am far more interested in hearing about you. Tell me of this movement, won’t you? Meyerism. Climbing a ladder up to reach a proverbial Light, yes?”

This was what excited Cal, usually - sharing the Light with others. Cal sensed however that an unorthodox approach might be required with Hannibal. Academics could often be the most difficult to communicate with, however it was something he was familiar with. Everyone had something he could use to work with.

“It surprises me you know about The Ladder. But then again, Eddie has been in the news lately,” Cal said, a tinge of jealousy in his tone. Pulling his shoulders back, he continued. “Everyone has something in their life that holds them back, the damage caused by grief, wounds, scars, trauma. The times we live in are fraught with chaos and uncertainty. As I’m sure you’ve observed in your practice, more and more are becoming overwhelmed with despair, depression.” Cal paused to briefly blow over his tea cup and take a sip.

Hannibal noticed the jealousy, and the defensive body language as well. He crossed one leg over the other, listening until Cal paused. “Scars remind us that our past is real,” he said, as Nigel rubbed Cal’s shoulder. The doctor sipped his tea and nodded. “Scars, grief, despair, and chaos -- they all can serve as a hindrances or a tool for evolution in one’s self. Typhoid and swans, they come from the same place. Tell me, Cal, do yours hold you back or do they aid you? How do you lead your flock to the Light?”

Cal laughed, slightly offended at just how clearly Hannibal saw through him, and he clenched and unclenched his fist, laying it to rest open palmed against his own thigh. “I led them with inspiration, with my words, and I do the same with my new followers. They’re looking for hope, redemption, someone to confess to, to unburden from the weight of the damage inflicted by the world. I provide that. The Light provides,” he said, meeting Hannibal’s gaze with deep conviction.

Hannibal didn’t miss that Cal hadn’t answered the first question. Just as he was acutely well aware of his untamed brother shooting him warning looks from his periphery. He knew that he needed to ease Cal into this, so perhaps a bit more poking later. “Such a burden for you to bare — all the damage from your followers as well as your own. I do hope my brother is helping you with that.”

Cal grabbed Nigel’s hand then, perhaps too enthusiastically, and squeezed. “Nigel is everything I could need and more. He has helped me significantly. As to burdens - I’m the highest rung of the ladder aside from our leader...or well, I was. I’m well versed in handling burdens and managing...myself,” he said. He wasn’t comfortable yet in disclosing his struggles with someone who he’d only just met, and was wary of psychiatrists, as he’d told Nigel. “I’m working on it,” he finally relented, giving a sheepish look to Nigel.

Hannibal watched with a small assessing smile as Nigel rubbed his thumb over Cal’s hand and then leaned over to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Cal’s doing fucking great Hannibal. Any problems he has with others, he knows I’ll handle it. He’s working on himself though, yeah. Sometimes that’s hard for anyone.”

Sipping his tea once more, Hannibal nodded at his brother, then returned his gaze to the quite beautiful Cal Roberts. To the doctor, he was a bit like kintsugi. Broken and cracked, yet it didn’t diminish his beauty. It meant he was...malleable to some degree to be mended back together with gold; Were he not Nigel’s lover, Hannibal might enjoy seeing in which order he might put him back together again.

“I can see the love between the both of you. Support is always essential when coming back from battling the demons of one’s self,” Hannibal said, looking between them. “Do you have interruptions in sleep, Cal, or perhaps have lapses in time or your memory? Stress can affect the body and mind in many ways. It can even push us to do things we’d never thought possible, or drive us to latch onto addictions, or people.”

Hannibal looked at Nigel then back to Cal once more; a subtle indication that he was trying to see if the love from Cal to his brother was authentic or more of a …. Hero syndrome. He knew Nigel had demons in his past as well, so the comment wasn’t aimed just at Cal.

Cal softened his posture and leaned back with a sigh. “I’m fine, Doctor Lecter, and not really prepared to talk about my sleep or memories. Perhaps we should talk about dinner. There are a few nice places around here, or we can call in, have something delivered as we often do,” he tried to smile, but it came tight and clipped as his tone. He didn’t want Hannibal to take offense, but opening up such intimate details as soon as he met someone wasn’t anything he was comfortable with.

“I would apologize for my analytical ambush, but I know I will soon be apologizing again, and you’ll tire of that eventually, so i’ll have to use my apologies sparingly,” Hannibal stated, a little bit of a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “Just as you have a penchant to lead, I have one to analyze. I cannot shut mine off anymore than you can shut yours off.”

Hannibal finished his tea, then set it down on the coaster. “So we will talk about what comforts us all then. Supper, yes. I am very careful about what I put into my body, so I would be honored if you both would allow me to prepare a meal for us all,”  he said, straightening his tie. He knew Cal wasn’t fine, but there was time for that later. “Nigel has informed me that you do not eat meat, so while I normally prepare everything with meat, I will accommodate you. It is your home, and I am merely a guest.”

Nigel rolled his eyes, and dug out his cigarettes. He looked at Cal. “If he wants to cook, darling, I say we fuckin’ let him. He knows his way around the kitchen too,” he said, needing a smoke.

Cal couldn’t conceal the reaction of surprise, eyebrows raised. “Really? I’m surprised, I have to admit. But yes, if you want to cook, and it’s not an imposition, please feel free. I can make a mean vegan lasagna, but aside from that I’m afraid my skills in the kitchen are limited.” he exhaled, relaxing a bit more and relieved the questions had ceased. “I can show you the kitchen, if you like?” he suggested.

“You show him the kitchen, and I’ll step out to smoke,” Nigel interjected, before Hannibal could answer. He got up and rubbed Cal’s back, giving him a reassuring look before he went outside.

Hannibal stood as well. “Please, yes,” he answered. Good this would give them time alone to speak while he looked to see what there was in their kitchen that was suitable to cook and eventually eat. He considered going out to procure meat for himself and Nigel, but tomorrow night. “I would be most appreciative of your hospitality, Cal.”

Cal felt better already at his lover’s hand on his back. “Good. Follow me,” he said, and turned to lead Hannibal into the kitchen. Once there, he began pointing out features. “Nigel has far more than he’ll ever use in here. The pantry, oven, fridge.” He swung open the refrigerator to reveal and largely empty space, save for the beer bottles in the side and a few take out leftovers.

The appliances would work well, but without the proper ingredients, there would be no dinner. “Ah, I see. Thank you. Well, it appears as though a trip to the market is in order,” he said, his hands in his pockets. “Unless you have something else hidden away?”

That was a sentence that had multiple meanings; Hannibal knew Cal wasn’t opening to him.

“Well, I can show you where the market is. It won’t take long - it’s just up the road.” Cal felt in Hannibal that he was itching to ask more questions. Feeling guilty, Cal interjected quietly. ”Listen, I know you are a caretaker, maybe known to want to help people, and that’s something I relate to.Just hard to let my guard down when it’s me, you know? I’m always the one giving advice and direction.”

Hannibal detected sincerity in Cal’s words. Kindness. Most importantly, courtesy. “I do enjoy helping someone reach their potential,” he said with what could be perceived as warmth in his eyes. “I do understand. It can be hard for a leader to be lead. When the tables turn, all that we have known in our life becomes uncertain. However, yes, it would be very generous of you to be my guide in your city.”

Cal leaned on the counter and thoughtfully stroked his chin. “I’ll speak to Nigel. Maybe he can join us. Come on, follow me,” he said, and strode out to the patio where Nigel was smoking.

Hannibal clasped his hands behind his back and nodded. He noticed that Cal seemed more comfortable and confident, at least outwardly, when he was guiding and leading. Perhaps he could work that to his advantage. 

Sliding the door open, he and Hannibal walked out to where Nigel stood. “Hannibal wants to go to the market to get food to make dinner. Will you come with us?” Cal asked.  

Nigel exhaled his smoke as he saw a slight curl of Hannibal’s lips — clearly not liking the smell. He  shook his head and refocused on Cal. “Yeah, darling. Wouldn’t fucking miss it. I’d have my men go get it but I know my brother will wanna do it himself.”

As Nigel out his cigarette, Hannibal smiled. “Indeed.”

“Then it’s settled,” Nigel said, walking over to wrap an arm around Cal’s shoulder, leading them all inside.


	12. Chapter 12

A few hours later and they’d bought everything they’d needed, and Hannibal had a delicious meal prepared: Jeweled couscous and pomegranate lentils for Cal, and Foie gras au torchon with a late harvest of vidal sauce with dried and fresh figs for himself and Nigel. 

Hannibal brought in Cal’s plate and set it in front of him, then Nigel’s , and his own. He brought over a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, and poured each of them a glass before finally sitting down. Holding his glass, he raised it.

“A toast, yes? To family and love. May it ring every true and may we always strive to reach our potential.”

Cal’s azure eyes shifted anxiously from the glass to Nigel to Hannibal. It would be unkind to not toast with them, but he struggled with what to do. He reached for the wine, his hand shaking slightly. Long fingers wrapped around the stem as he lifted it in the air. “To family and love,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. He pressed the edge to his lips and tipped it back, letting the succulent liquid flood his tongue with it’s rich flavor and warmth slide into his body. He released a heavy sigh, and looked over at the doctor.

Hannibal watched Cal. His reaction, Nigel rubbing his back reassuringly, it all meant one thing. A drinking problem. He swirled the wine, sniffed, and took a sip, letting it coat his tongue before swallowing as his brother took a big drink. “Are you alright, Cal?” he asked, setting the wine down to take his fork and knife in hand.

Draining the glass in one swallow, Cal set it down and poured another. “Yes, I’m fine, Doctor. This looks good,” he said, piercing his fork into a bite of food. He’d barely chewed and swallowed and downed the second glass. “It’s a very good Cabernet,” he said, eyes glossing as the wine took effect slightly. Deliberately avoiding Nigel’s eyes, he continued to eat, but he looked at the wine bottle as it sat there, only two glasses worth still left. It burned in him, the urge to simply have more and more, as though there would never be enough space in him to satisfy his need. Warmth ebbed through his limbs as the familiar, welcome, numb sensation washed over his entire body.

Hannibal reached out and refilled his and Nigel’s, still enough for one glass left and then set it closer to Cal, though just subtly. Nigel eyed him, but Hannibal just continued to eat. “Thank you,” he said, then looked at Nigel.

“Are you enjoying the supper?”

“Yeah, thanks, real good,” Nigel said, giving his brother a pointed look, then stabbed his meat before taking a bit. He rubbed his lover’s thigh. “You know darling, I hear this shit is meant to be savored or something.”

It was a stark change from before, when he’d tried to get Cal to drink. But then again, he liked breaking and then rebuilding people to fit his liking. Not in the same way Hannibal did of course. Now, he was concerned. He knew the signs of addiction working in his trade.

Cal took the bottle and drained the rest into his glass, his breath coming out lustfully through parted lips. He ignored Nigel’s comment, as there was little coherent thought getting through the ringing in his ears. “Hmmmm,” he mumbled in a deep voice as he upended the wine glass. He placed a hand on Nigel’s, and moved it higher beneath the table, recklessly aroused and less inhibited than he normally was. He licked his lips elaborately and finally looked up at his lover, eyes lidded heavily.

Nigel was all for kinky shit, but in front of his brother? Fuck no. He wasn’t embarrassed, but more that, he felt bad for encouraging the drink before and now Hannibal was, knowingly or unknowingly. Nigel also didn’t want to see Cal looking like that. Those looks for his eyes only, even if he trusted his brother. Hannibal kept watching the whole scene quietly, he could tell his brother didn’t like having his comment disregarded.

“I’ll go open the other bottle,” Hannibal said, preparing to get up.

“No,” Nigel said gruffly, holding up his hand to his brother. With his other one he took Cal’s hand, squeezed it affectionately, then moved it off his thigh. “Eat. Focus on your food that Hannibal prepared, yeah?”

Hannibal wondered if Cal would go as far to take Nigel’s glass of wine and down it as well. Fascinating. Dinner and a show.

Cal bristled at Nigel’s rejection as well as his scolding tone. “ _ I _ would like more wine,  _ Nigel _ . Don’t be rude,” he replied stubbornly, and snatched Nigel’s glass, drinking it all quickly. “Now you must open another bottle, Doctor,” Cal purred petulantly at the other brother.

Nigel narrowed his eyes at Cal. They’d have a talk sometime soon. His patience was fading. Hannibal stood and nodded, “Of course, Cal.”

Hannibal gave Nigel a look and then exited the room, deciding to take a moment. As soon as he was out of earshot, the Romanian turned to Cal. “You want to tell me what the fuck, Cal? You’re purring at my brother like a cat  and trying to drink all his wine? What happened to our talk over the trash, darling? Slip your mind then? You’re fucking better than this.”

Cal tried to focus on Nigel’s face. “You’re just jealous and don’t want me to have a good time, isn’t that right? I’m fine, Nigel. Why don’t you want to touch me, hmmm? Afraid your brother will disapprove?” he asked, taking Nigel’s hand and brazenly placing it on his crotch. The move was hidden by the tablecloth, but the look on Cal’s face was anything but discreet. He smiled lazily at the other man, a sheen of sweat forming over his brow and upper lip as his cheeks grew rosier.

Admittedly, it was sexy as fuck. Nigel wanted to bend Cal over the table and take him, but Hannibal wouldn’t very much approve and Nigel wanted to get Cal into therapy with him. “Look, darling. After dinner. I don’t want you showing off for my brother. So stop.” Nigel moved Cal’s hand and then nudged his place to him. He gave him a very firm look. “Eat. Just eat. Now.”

Cal huffed and wrapped his lips around a forkful of food sensuously. “You needn’t worry. I’m all yours. Besides I get the feeling your brother couldn’t handle me,” he snickered, admittedly even more turned on by the thought of Nigel being as jealous and possessive as he knew he was. He chewed slowly and grabbed Hannibal’s glass, cheekily downing the last of his wine as well. “He’s too slow,” he whispered, winking at Nigel.

Nigel didn’t care much about who was rude and who wasn’t, but he was shocked by the last bit. He was angry, also aware that Hannibal was likely listening or even watching from the other room. “Stay here,” he said, then got up. He walked right into the kitchen to find his brother leaning against the counter. Hannibal gave him a look.

“He certainly does enjoy the wine,” Hannibal stayed.

“Have your glass in here, brother. I apologize for Cal’s behavior, and for fucking up dinner, but there’s not going to be any more alcohol in the house.”

Hannibal gestured to the wine bottle, it was still closed. “Yes, I thought as much.”

“He uh...he drank yours too,” Nigel said, and Hannibal sniffed, his lip curling.

“Water or whatever but no wine. Yeah?”

“Agreed. I could pour us all some sparkling grape perhaps. If you have any?”

“In here,” Nigel said, pulling out the bottle, then he set to pouring out the remainder of the liquor and beer. “Give me a few more then come in?”

“As you wish.”

Nigel grunted and walked back to check on Cal.

Cal was seated, cheeks blushing red and big blue eyes unfocused. “Such a fucking disappointment, bet you just cut me off didn’t you? Why, am I embarrassing you with your brother?” he asked, lip curling up slightly in displeasure. He wasn’t angry, but he was irked. Very irked. He didn’t like being treated like a child, and that’s just how he felt now.

Nigel had never seen this side of Cal. He snarled. “I never fucking said you’re a disappointment, but you asked for help, did you fucking not?” he asked, growling out the words. He was angry. Helping others had never been a strong point for Nigel, so maybe he wasn’t going about it the right way, but tomorrow, with a sober Cal, maybe his brother could. “I cut you off, yeah. Before you did or said something you might regret. You’re not embarrassing me. I’m saving you from feeling that way tomorrow. He just fucking got here Cal. I haven’t seen him in years. I’d rather not fight with you until after dinner, or really at all if I’m being honest.”

Cal stood suddenly, backing away from the table. “Let me save you the trouble, then. Please, enjoy your visit with your precious fucking brother. I won’t  _ disturb _ it anymore,” he said, and turned on his heel, grabbing his jacket and making for the front door. He looked back at him once and then opened the door, slamming it behind him.

Hannibal came out then, calm as ever. Nigel looked at him. “Hannibal, please eat. I’ll be right fucking back.”

Walking over, Hannibal touched Nigel’s arm. “I’d advise you to let him cool off a bit.”

“Save it!” Nigel growled, grabbed his gun, his keys, his phone, and then walked out after him. He ran quick, long legs carrying him after him and when he reached him, he grabbed his arm.

“Where the  _ fuck _ do you think you’re going, darling?” Nigel asked, his eyes narrowed. His tone left no room for arguing, at least no one that worked for him would. They’d know it meant that they were going to go where Nigel told them. Cal might be different in that area, but there was no way in hell that the Romanian was letting him out of his sight tonight. “I suggest we go back home. As in right fucking now.”

Cal reared back, using his weight to throw Nigel off balance - or attempt to anyway. Before he was aware of himself, he threw a punch right at his face. “I’m not going anywhere with you!” he growled furiously, barely missing Nigel’s jaw and stumbling over his feet into the wall. He steadied himself in a defensive posture, ready to strike again.

“Honestly fucking really?” Nigel asked, barking out a laugh, but he was pissed. He was hurt. Both emotions present in his eyes. It was no secret that had it been anyone else doing that shit? They’d be fucking bloody, and in an instant. Nigel stood tall, chest out, hands ready. He didn’t want to hurt Cal. Didn’t  _ want _ to. “You are, and you’re coming home with me. One way or another, gorgeous. You want to beat on the man you say you love? Come on then. Get on with it. Fucking take your best shot.”

“Love? You love me? What the hell for, Nigel, really? Just leave me be. You may as well know it now, I’m a fucking alcoholic salesman, just like Silas said, so let me go drink. That’s all I know anyway drink, and fuck things up!” Cal shouted, lunging at him and shoving Nigel in the chest. His voice was rough, and he looked at the older man like a caged animal, fear and anger in his eyes.

Nigel bared his teeth again; Cal was strong, he had to admit. There might be a bruise on his chest tomorrow, but he wasn’t worried about that. It was also clear that Cal had misunderstood what he’d said due to the wine. He stomped forward, and grabbed him by the shoulders, nearing his face dangerously close to his. “I do fucking love you. That’s fucking why I’m here, and you’re more than that,” he insisted, his eyes narrowed, his tone rough. “One thing is for certain. I’m  _ not _ letting you stay out like this. Not in this fuckin’ condition. So make your choice. Are you coming the easy way, or the fucking hard way? I’d rather do it the first way. I don’t want to hurt you, darling.”

Cal snorted. Somewhere inside him, he knew this wasn’t him, but his craving for more alcohol was getting worse, the wine he’d downed was already wearing off. He grew angrier. “Everyone says what they think someone wants to hear to get their way. You just want me to come back and play shrink with your brother. Well, I’m going to go fucking drink, and you can’t stop me. You think I’m some delicate twink you can push around? Think again,” he said, brows furrowed together, and he flexed his thick biceps and broad chest, crossing his arms and turning away from the other man obstinately.

Nigel moved quickly, and blocked his path, a firm hand on his chest. “You don’t have to talk to Hannibal but you  _ are _ coming home,” he said, knowing he should likely be softer or some shit but he was pissed and even though he wouldn’t admit it now, he was scared. Scared of something happening to Cal. That he’d end up in jail or worse. Also scared he’d lose him. Clenching the fist of his other hand, he readied. He didn’t want to knock him out, he didn’t. But Cal was coming home. “I’m not asking again. Clock’s fucking ticking, darling.”

Cal stared Nigel down, but only softened the more he looked into his eyes. There wasn’t hostility there, only love. “I’m sorry,” he finally said, shoulders sloping forward in submission. He started walking back in the direction of the apartment, hands shoved in his pockets.

Nigel had expected blood. There was always blood. Not Cal’s, but his own, and he would have let his lover hit him, or whatever. He could’ve taken it, though he was glad it hadn’t come to that. Stopping him once more, he cupped his face. “Baby. It’s okay. I’m sorry I lost it a little. I just love you too much to let anything happen to you. I’m not ashamed you of. Never could be,” he assured, and leaned in to kiss his mouth softly. “You know that right?”

Cal’s eyes were red and tears came down his face. “It’s ok. I...I believe you. I just have been feeling as though these memories are coming back for me, and I don’t want them. I can’t handle them. I need to be numb. I need to not  _ feel _ . I don’t know if you can understand,” he said shakily, gripping Nigel’s arm for balance.

“I have seen some shit in my life. I know the past can be hard. I may not understand what you’re going through,” Nigel said, wiping tears from Cal’s face. “But I know you aren’t going to have to go through them alone. I’m here. Always will be. And I know you don’t like the idea, love, but Hannibal can help you too. He’s almost your family.”

Maybe one day he will be, by marriage, Nigel thought to himself. “Sleep on it? Let’s get home as soon as you’re ready, draga mea.”

Cal rested his head on Nigel’s shoulder a moment, the man’s words resonating with him powerfully. “That means a lot to me. I’m no good with talking about...myself...but if you think he can help, I will try. I’m ready to go home.”

Nigel nodded, and wrapped his arm around Cal, walking him to their home. Inside, he noticed that Hannibal has put their food under the warmer, had eaten his own, and left a note. He’d retired for the night to give them time alone. “Well looks like we’re on our own for the night, darling. Wanna finish eating?”

Cal rubbed his eyes and shook his head. “No, I think I’ll just shower and go to bed as well. I can put away my portion for tomorrow. I don’t want his work to go to waste,” he said, getting a glass dish from Nigel’s cupboard. He spooned the food inside and covered it, putting it in the fridge. Looking over at his lover, he dried off his hands and embraced him. “I’m sorry, again,” he whispered.

“It’s alright, gorgeous,” Nigel said, speaking against Cal’s ear. He rubbed his back, and kissed his neck. He knew he was likely still a bit intoxicated, but he was home, and that was what mattered. Nigel just held him, softly stroking him anywhere he could reach, reassuring him or trying to that it was all okay. “I won’t ever let you go through this alone. When I said you have my heart, I fucking meant it. Lock, stock, and barrel. All of me.”

Cal sighed and embraced him tighter, inhaling deeply. Even the scent of Nigel made him feel calmer. “And you have all of me...such as it is,” he whispered, a sad chuckle in his voice. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Yeah, baby, let’s go,” Nigel said, shaking his head. He wished Cal could see what he saw in him, but it would take time to build him up. And a lot of that, Cal would have to do on his own, with Nigel’s support.

***

The next morning, Nigel had to get up early. Way too fucking early. A meeting. He kissed Cal goodbye, and then told Hannibal he was going to be back in a couple of hours and to behave himself. A joke. He knew his brother could be trusted, at least in that department. Hannibal wouldn’t hurt him or Cal, he knew.

As soon as he left, Hannibal began preparing breakfast. A vegetarian omelette for Cal, and a nice protein scramble for himself. He’d observed some of what had happened last night, and as he cooked, the scents filling the home, he formulated a plan for speaking with Cal.

Cal stirred when the most delicious fragrance invaded his senses, and he rubbed his eyes sleepily. That  _ had _ to be Hannibal. Nigel was not one to get up early ever, much less cook breakfast at that hour. The space beside him was empty, so he rose to go find the brothers.

Walking into the kitchen in pajama bottoms and a tee shirt, he found Hannibal there working over the stove. “Good morning. Uhhh...is Nigel here?”

“Good morning, Cal. No, he’s at a meeting with his colleagues. He did inform you, he said, but it was even earlier still,” Hannibal answered, turning around to look at Cal. “So the adventure will be yours and mine today. Please, have some coffee. I’ve prepared us breakfast.”

Cal scratched his belly and peered at the appetizing concoction. “Vegetarian? This looks delicious. Thank you, Hannibal. Been awhile since I enjoyed a home cooked breakfast. Neither one of us cook very often, though I’m usually the one to do so, when we do. I’ve been vegetarian all my life, so I’m afraid I don’t know what to do with meat based dishes.” He took the plate and sat at the counter.

“You’re welcome. Yes, that sounds like Nigel. I’m also quite sure that my brother would not wish to hire a chef or maid,” Hannibal said, knowing that Nigel wouldn’t want someone else near Cal. Always possessive. Always jealous. He reminded Hannibal of a tiger. Territorial. “For you, a vegetarian omelette, and I prepared it separately from my own breakfast.”

A smile as Hannibal plated his own protein scramble and set out the coffee for them both, as well as tea, and orange juice. Everything they needed. He took a seat. “I took the liberty of walking to the market while you slept. Bon appetit, Cal.”

“You’re very kind. Bon appetit,” he repeated, then lowered his head and murmured softly his own prayer to the Light before beginning. Hannibal watched, respectfully waiting for him to finish.

Interesting indeed.

Once finished, he took a bite of food, humming around it appreciatively. “Delicious. I’m grateful, Hannibal,” Cal said, looking up at the other man. “I’m … I’m very sorry about my early departure from dinner last night, and my behavior. I was very rude, and that wasn’t...it wasn’t me.” He blushed and looked down, focused on the meal and took another bite.

“Thank you,” Hannibal said, pleased, and then took a bite. He chewed and swallowed, then had a sip of coffee. The doctor looked him over, all but smelling the regret and humiliation on Cal, very much like bitterness. Unbecoming but he appreciated the sentiment. “It’s quite alright, I was in need of rest from my journey.”

It was weird for Cal, sitting across from this man who looked so much like Nigel and yet couldn’t be more different. He had a suave way about him, like warm water, but where Nigel was rough around the edges and real, Hannibal was smooth, with an air of sophistication that made Cal feel like a caveman. He was skilled at presenting himself in a good light though. “Well, I hope you rested well last night then. Are you comfortable in your room?”

“Quite, yes, thank you,” Hannibal answered, taking another bite. He was waiting until Cal had a bit more food in him before he was going to start intruding again. At least on a deeper level. “Tell me, how is it that you found yourself entangled in the life of my errant brother?”

Chuckling, Cal grinned; this was an easy enough, pleasant start of conversation for him. “I do motivational seminars. An extension of what I did when I was the leader...well, in my old life. Everyone is seeking answers, looking for something bigger than themselves, for hope, for well, frankly for light. I show them the way,” he elaborated, waving his hands. He was in full charismatic mode, and he suspected Hannibal was as much of a skeptic as Nigel. But he loved a challenge, and he was no longer thinking of his own shortcomings.

Hannibal was amused and enchanted in a sense, witnessing the almost childlike passion that Cal was displaying; he wondered if the same sort of enthusiasm would be present when breaking down another instead of building. Nigel was a killer and there was no doubt to Hannibal that Cal knew it. He was clearly willing to accept that fact and be with his brother anyway. The doctor sensed that perhaps the motivational speaker had already done something along those lines. The regret and pain suggested it. “I doubt my brother came to you seeking answers. How did you meet? Did he find himself seduced by your light? Or did you find yourself drawn to his darkness?”

Cal raised both brows and took a drink of water. “I was helping a guy out, a professional football player. The man was a customer of Nigel’s and had recently cleaned up his bad habits. That didn’t sit well with your brother, mainly because this guy had lavish parties with his rich friends, and his change in lifestyle cut into Nigel’s wallet. One way or another, he found me via Harold. We butted heads quite a lot, but there was a draw between us that was unmistakable. One thing led to another, and here we are,” he finished.

“I do not approve of his lifestyle but he was raised far differently from myself,” Hannibal explained, taking another bite and following it with coffee. “So he assisted you, as well as himself. That must have felt different from having to take the lead. A reprieve from the weight of the world. No ladders to climb.”

Cal nodded. “He did. Granted, it didn’t exactly start out great. Truth be told, Harold came after me in a drug-fueled rage, and Nigel was there to save my ass.” Taking a few more bites, Cal leaned back and examined Hannibal closely. Lots of walls, little emotion, he was the image of restraint and control in a way that Nigel wasn’t.

A sort of hero, as Hannibal had suspected earlier. Did it awaken the boy inside of Cal even more? The mannerisms were certainly present.  Hannibal nodded and finished his breakfast, watching Cal study him.

“In a way, you and I have similar jobs, but yours in done in the name of science and mine in a spiritual way, isn’t that right, Hannibal?”

“There is a correlation or common ground, yes, but mine is mostly based on fact, in lieu of speculation,” Hannibal stated, sipping his coffee, “not to impugn your work of course.”

“It requires faith, that’s true. But my beliefs are very powerful, and I’m a firm believer that intent has much more importance than any realize.” Cal smiled.

“What we do is not unlike what we’re told God does. We build, and help those we love or care for to reach their potential. But God also destroys, it’s in his nature, and since we are made in his image, it is innately in our own. Have you ever destroyed someone or something in order to rebuild or protect yourself? How did it make you feel, Cal? Like God or perhaps like a powerful being of Light? Afterall, can that light truly shine without a little darkness?”

Cal darted a of suspicion look at the psychiatrist. “Of course, we all have darkness. But it’s in darkness that light shines brightest, does it not? I’ve felt power before, when I change someone’s life for the better,” he added, skirting the bit Hannibal slipped in about destroying someone. Did he know? Cal doubted even Nigel would share something so incriminating with his brother.

Nigel hadn’t uttered a word to Hannibal, the good doctor was testing and prodding. He noticed the skirting and detected suspicion in Cal’s gaze. He smiled. “Do you associate darkness with evil and Light with good? Did you know that Satan was a light bringer? He brought knowledge to Eve in the form of a serpent. She then shared it with her mate. They were both banished from their garden. Was Lucifer good for bringing that light in their ignorant darkness? Or was he evil? You see, in the end, it is all about perception. That is what drives us to action. Does it not?”

“That’s an interesting perspective, and one I’ve considered. Things are not always as they seem. Are they, Doctor Lecter?” he asked, hedging a bit and taking a gamble on a hunch his gut led him towards. He was good with people, with identifying what made them tick, but his lover’s brother was yet a mystery.

“Such is the enigmatic beauty of life. We set out with intentions and aspirations, or perhaps view those close to us with proverbial rose colored glasses only to find that someone we’ve trusted isn’t who they claim to be after all,” Hannibal said, shifting from the movement leader’s clear curiosity over the doctor, back to Cal, himself. “Have you ever felt betrayed by someone close to you? Perhaps a snake in disguise in your beautiful garden?”

Cal thought back to the very vision he’d had- a recurring one, of a yellow snake, coiling around his neck, tightening and threatening to choke the life from him. The analogy Hannibal happened to make was indeed telling. Shocking even, how insightful he was. But then, the man was a psychiatrist, still Cal was surprised. Was he that transparent? “I have been betrayed, but who hasn’t? It’s difficult to trust. Your brother, however, has more than proven himself to me.”

Hannibal could see the signs; Cal’s demeanor alone told the tale of a scared little boy dwelling in the broad chest before him. Nigel was his protector in a way and that fostered trust and a nearly unbreakable bond between them. He knew that they both had issues — Cal and Nigel — that they were trying to mend together. “Betrayal can often come in the form of love or even by someone we have given all our trust to,” he said, wetting his lips, “such wounds are often hard to repair. They leave scars that are not always outwardly visible.”

Cal made intense eye contact then, blue focused on amber that was so similar to his lover’s. But where Nigel was direct, aggressive, guarded but passionate, Hannibal’s energy was tightly controlled calm, betraying no emotion. He felt seen though, which counted for a lot. “They do. In fact, I find myself recently trying,” he paused and rubbed his palms together, looking away as he strove to find the right words, “trying to  _ remember.  _ And yet when I do get snippets here and there, the pain is just...so much. Too much. I rely on old...old ways of coping,” he said, alluding to his vice, one that was taking over again.

Hannibal held that gaze; he could certainly see why his brother was pulled in. Though, he wasn’t predisposed to romantic whimsy like his twin. Not in that regard. He did see Cal, and while he knew he was only showing Nigel’s lover one version of himself — a perfectly positioned person suit — he did wonder if he could perhaps see at least glimmers.

At Cal’s confession, the doctor’s lips twitched just so, a faint hint of a smile. He then pointed his brows in concern, or so it appeared. Not that he wasn’t either, in his own way. “Yes. The alcohol. But do you handle it in other ways? Perhaps outburst?” he asked, then added, “I can help you reclaim these lost memories, if you ask me to. One often needs to be broken all over again, to come back gleaming and whole.”

Cal cleared his throat and nodded. “It’s my job to present an image as a leader of a man in control of himself. I’m vegetarian. I work out, take care of my body, I’m strictly disciplined. I find comfort in structure. But when...when I crack, lose my temper, drink, make bad decisions...the loss of control is humiliating. I want no one to see it. I’m supposed to be an example. I’m supposed to guide these lost souls, yet I’m lost myself. The Light often does guide me, but there are times it feels as though it’s not...not  _ enough.  _ And I wonder if  _ I’m _ enough,” he said, voice cracking at the end as his eyes lowered. “And I know I need to  _ remember _ , to purge the damage, but I’m afraid.”

Hannibal clapped a gentle hand on Cal’ shoulder, staring intensely, then removed it just a soon. “There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, Cal. Even I have a psychiatrist whom I see weekly,” he explained, thinking that such a confession would garner trust, and perhaps allow him to feel less alone in his darkness. “I can lead you down the halls of forgotten memories, to a place where the light will shine freely once more. You will bathe in the assurance that you have once again regained control. However, you must lose it first. It sounds as though you already have an idea as to how…”

“Well, strangely enough, I did...well, reading our movement leader’s notes, there’s mention of a certain technique he used for rehabilitation. It’s a bit extreme, but have you ever heard of something called a  _ hypoxian cleanse _ ?” Cal asked, a brow raised in curiosity. Nigel mentioned the man wasn’t a typical shrink, so perhaps...perhaps Hannibal might know something about it.

“I have, yes. Nigel spoke to me about your movement, and I did a bit of research,” Hannibal said, not ashamed in the least. He canted his head, watching Cal’s face as it moved; body language was always a great indicator of many things. It said more than even words could. “Hypoxia, in medical terminology, is a condition in which the body or a region of the body is deprived of adequate oxygen supply at the tissue level. It can create altered mental states within oneself, thus bringing about revelations that might not occur otherwise. When we remove certain obstacles from our mind, it becomes focused.”

Cal nodded and stretched his back a bit, reaching up and sighing. “Yes, exactly. I read his notes and think I may be interested in trying this...therapy, for lack of a better word, to recover these memories I have. It might help me move forward and...well…” he paused, a cloud over his handsome features. “I want to change. For my own sake, for that of my followers, and for Nigel,” he said finally, looking at Hannibal with sincerity in his eyes.

“Good,” Hannibal said, though he noted that Cal had listed Nigel last. Walking over, he refilled his coffee, and added a bit of cream and a bit of sweetener before blowing on it. “I can do this for you alone or with my brother present if you wish.”

“I’d like him to be there. He knows me, he can help.” Cal thought a moment, pausing before continuing. “I can show you the notes, if it would be helpful. In the context of our belief system, it may help,” he finished. He drank his own black tea, sighing as the hot liquid warmed him.

“Yes I believe it would be quite helpful,” Hannibal agreed, though he had a good idea already. He wanted to take a look at these notes. “And of course, Nigel will participate. I will simply be a guide. And an observer.”

Cal looked at his watch and rose. “I have an appointment with a client, but let me get the book. Maybe tonight we can talk to Nigel and find a way to make this all work,” he said. “I think Nigel’s concerned...about me. And he’d be open to anything that would help. I’d rather go to you than someone outside our family anyway,” he said, referring to Nigel, who really did feel more like his family than the one who’d raised him.

Hannibal stood as well. “Yes of course,” he said, then he smiled at Cal’s comment. “We are family. Nigel loves you a great deal and I needn’t pretend to see why. I rather believe that this will be a productive exercise, for both of you.”

When Cal returned, Hannibal looked at him thoughtfully. “My brother is keenly attuned to you, and that is love. No one can be fully aware of another human being unless we love them. By that love, we see potential in our beloved. Through that love, we allow our beloved to see their potential. Expressing that love, our beloved’s potential comes true.”

Cal held the book in his hand, watching Hannibal as he spoke. “I’ve never heard it put so eloquently before. You’re a romantic- I have to say, I’m surprised. But so is Nigel. He’s passionate and smart, I love him deeply.” Handing him the leather bound book, he smiled softly. “I appreciate this. Thank you,” he said finally, before heading out the door.

“You’re quite welcome,” Hannibal said, just before Cal was out of earshot. He walked over to take his coffee once more, setting the book down to begin looking it over. The doctor was intrigued; naturally he didn’t subscribe to such beliefs, but the act, from a psychological standpoint, could prove to be quite useful in assisting Cal.


	13. Chapter 13

Later that evening, Nigel returned. Hannibal was preparing supper, and the Romanian looked around for Cal. His day lasted longer than he’d have guessed, so he hoped it all went well between them.

Cal sat on the floor in their bedroom, looking over notes he wrote in a loose leaf planner and comparing them with his small computer cradled in his lap. He looked up at the man as he walked in, and smiled softly, a tiredness in his blue eyes. “Hey there,” he said quietly, setting his things aside and rising. He extended his arms out to Nigel, white tee shirt clinging to his muscular frame. 

Nigel grinned, and wrapped his arms around Cal. He rubbed his back, feeling his muscles there, inhaling his scent. He was always attuned to his darling. “You look tired, baby,” he said, his tone low and deep, raspy, as he pulled back long enough to look into his eyes. “Everything go okay with Hannibal? I can smell he’s cooking and all that but did you two talk and shit?” 

Cal let his palms rest on Nigel’s thick biceps and squeezed gently. “I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. He’s a bit on the pompous side, but he has some good insights. He knows how to read people pretty damn well. More than that though, he knows about a particular type of therapy I read about in Steve’s notes. Therapy to recover memories and deal with hidden trauma,” Cal said. “It’s something I was thinking about trying, and he’s willing to help. But I want you there. I need you there.”

“Arrogant as fuck is what he is,” Nigel snorted, then kissed Cal softly. “But also the best at what he does. A skilled surgeon too. Anyway. We’ll do it then. Anything to help you gorgeous. I’m just glad you’re not being stubborn to this. I want us both to let go of shit so we can move forward, you know?”

Cal returned the kiss and nuzzled Nigel’s stubbled jaw gently. “Yes. I’m willing to do the work and finally face this bullshit head on. This is….it’s very hard for me, but having you by my side gives me courage, you know? I need you. I’m...I’m not okay,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. 

“You will be, darling. You hear me? I will help you fight whatever the fuck is haunting you. If nothing else, I’ll be here with you every step of the fucking way,” Nigel insisted, a passion and love in his eyes that was unmistakable. “And Hannibal will help. His ways are different, but he knows his shit.”

Cal blinked up at him, eyes large and child-like. “I believe you. I trust you...and I love you,” he said quietly, fingers curled into Nigel’s arm like his life depended on him. Perhaps it did, too. 

Nigel felt an overwhelming need to protect Cal. To help him, even if he didn’t have to skills that Hannibal did. He cupped his lover’s face, thumbing over his cheek. “I love you too, gorgeous,” he murmured, then captured his mouth, licking inside desperately.

Cal gasped against Nigel’s lips, not expecting such a heated reaction from him. He wove his fingers up the back of his head, a low whimper escaping him as he melted against Nigel. His rock, his strength, Nigel was the person he’d needed his whole life. Someone strong in his corner, someone who knew what it was like to live with that darkness inside him. Knew what it was like to fight with all odds against you. Nigel saw in him what others that had been close to him never did. And in Nigel, he saw a strange beauty in his exotic features but more so, it was his heart that drew him in. His passion, devotion and love. 

It wasn’t a lust filled action, it was pure love, pure possessiveness. Maybe it was the way Cal had looked at him with those soulful fucking doe eyes, or maybe it was the crack to his voice -- fuck, maybe it was all of it -- but Nigel just needed to kiss him. To ground them both. The Romanian had demons from his past, but most of his had manifested into pure rage, and violence, which Cal clearly had too, but it wasn’t quite the same. Kissing him a little longer, he kneaded the back of his neck, tracing the longer part of his hairline there, then around to his adorable ears. “Let’s go eat, shall we, draga mea? Don’t want to keep Mr. Uptight waiting, eh?” 

Cal sighed and rubbed his lips over the dancing girl tattooed in his olive flesh, grazing his teeth over it and pressing a kiss there. He chuckled softly and took Nigel’s hand in his own. “You’re right. I wouldn’t want whatever masterpiece he’s whipping up to get cold.”

“Yeah, but we can revisit this for dessert. Definitely,” Nigel crooned, the lips and teeth against his skin eliciting a growl. He pressed down his groin. “You know how to get me fucking going, do you know that, darling? Do you know what you do to me?” 

Cal’s breath came out shakily in reply, exhaling hard through flared nostrils. “Only what you do to me, too,” he said roughly, moving Nigel’s hand to his own crotch and molding his palm to his semi-erect cock. “To remind you what that effect is…” he trailed off, rolling his hips once before stilling them.

“No way I can forget that, gorgeous,” Nigel grunted, giving a gentle grip against Cal’s half hard cock. Nigel was at full mast, so to speak. He leaned in and kissed him once more before pulling off. “If we don’t go now, we’ll be late to dinner.”

Cal laughed in a low, raspy voice and pressed on his own erection to quell it. “You’re right. Let’s hurry and eat so we can have dessert, hmm?” he teased, and led Nigel out of the room to the dining area.

“Fucking love that idea,” Nigel agreed as they walked over to the table where Hannibal was setting the plates out. He looked up at his brother and then Cal. 

“Good evening,” Hannibal smiled. 

“Smells good, brother.”

“Please sit. There is sparkling red grape juice and water for us all,” Hannibal said, refraining from the wine for now. It was not his home after all and would be rude to drink in front of Cal. 

Cal noticed and nodded at him gratefully. Of course he would be so thoughtful as to not place temptation right before him. “Thank you, Hannibal. It does smell delicious,” he said, taking a seat beside Nigel and placing a napkin in his lap. “It looks beautiful too. What is this?”

Hannibal often enjoyed placing temptation before another but this was different. Ethics had become aesthetics and with that, there was a code of sorts. Beyond that, tempting Cal with wine would not serve the higher purpose. The good doctor smiled at Cal and sat down, once Nigel had done so. 

“Chanterelle Barley Risotto With Kale and Mung Beans for you, Cal, and for Nigel and myself, a simple Foie Gras,” Hannibal explained, pouring the drinks for everyone, then placed his napkin in his lap. 

“Looks and smells amazing. Like I said.” 

“Thank you. Both of you. Please enjoy.” Hannibal said, then took a sip of his wine substitute. 

Cal marveled at the dish and Hannibal’s clearly elevated skill. “I am not sure I’ve had anything like this before,” he responded, taking a forkful between his lips. Moaning around the bite, the flavors exploded across his tongue. He was rendered speechless before finally swallowing. “My god. This is amazing, Hannibal.”

Hannibal canted his head proudly at that, a pleased grin on his face, his cheekbones illuminated by the light of the candles he’d placed on either side of the centerpiece. There wasn’t much to work with, but he’d done his best, using two candles he found around their home, and some wild flowers, and random but cleaned feathers. He had in fact used broth from the bones of a very rude wanderer, to aid in making Cal’s meal and the meat in he and Nigel’s dish was from part of him as well. It had turned out rather wonderful. 

“Thank you, Cal,” Hannibal said, as his brother dug in and nodded his approval, pointing with his fork at his dish. The doctor, while he wasn’t fond of his brother’s table manners, was used to them. So he took it as a compliment. Even when Nigel began cursing at just how ‘ goddamned fucking good’ it was. 

After a few moments of eating, Hannibal looked between the pair. “I was wondering when might be an optimal time for the cleanse? Perhaps tomorrow evening?” 

Cal nodded in agreement. “That would be good. I would like to prepare my body with a day of fasting and meditation, so my mind is completely clear and ready,” he said. “It’s something I practice when I’m trying to commune more closely with the Light.”

“Of course,” Hannibal nodded, taking a savory bite of his meal. “Fasting brings us closer to the divine because we deny our body it’s most primitive need. Just as Jesus fasted and prayed for help from his Father, we do the same. Be it God, the Light, or merely for mental clarity.”

Nigel rubbed his jaw, eating with gusto as he listened. Hannibal was aware of that too. 

“You are well versed in Christianity, I see. Were you raised that way, or is it just a curiosity? My experience is men of science tend to shun acknowledging a higher power,” Cal said inquisitively. He knew Nigel wasn’t a believer, but he wondered about his brother.

“I study that which intrigues me. Religion itself is not what I find interesting. It is how we react to it. When we lose our faith in mankind, we often put our trust in that higher power,” Hannibal explained, not entirely answering Cal’s question, but giving just enough. “I never find myself at the mercy of any notions of deity.” 

Cal watched him carefully, his gaze shifting from Nigel as he ate and back to Hannibal. “You don’t ever find yourself in moments of weakness or doubt? Ever wonder if there’s a greater hand at work in the world or if it’s all just a series of remarkable coincidences that keeps our planet spinning? Even the laws of man bow now and again to those of nature,” he said in a warm voice. He was curious, interested in the debate, and mostly just wanting to look beyond the mask Hannibal held in place so well. As a student in the subject of people, Cal could clearly tell Hannibal was hiding some sort of darkness, but he couldn’t gauge where a sliver or crack might be found.

Oh, Hannibal was enchanted. He’d not had good repartee in quite some time. He looked at Nigel, who was eating and listening. His brother was quite intelligent, but they did have different educational backgrounds. With a smile at Nigel, who raised a brow, Hannibal leaned forward and subtly sniffed. He could tell that Cal saw him --at least to some degree -- given that all the signs of epiphany were present in the movement leader. Fascinating though, that he could not or had chosen not to see the monster inside the person who harmed him when he was younger. Likewise Cal harbored his own darkness amid his light.

To reply, the good doctor sipped his drink and set it down. “If God is real, he’s having a wonderful time. Just last week he dropped a roof on his followers while they sang him a hymn. Do you think he doubts his actions or finds them weak? I think not. Are we not made in his image?” Hannibal asked, humming. “This Light, it offers eternal peace in a garden with those you love. Should you continue fear death? Should you be ashamed of what you do now or what you have done that might displease you or push you to shame? Is that a weakness?” Hannibal gave Cal a moment to contemplate before continuing. “Occasionally, I drop a teacup to shatter on the floor, on purpose. I'm not satisfied when it doesn't gather itself up again. However, in the end, I am the one who decided to drop it. There is power in our choices, Cal. We only need to recognize it and harness it. Appreciate it’s beauty and not only in the light. It exists in chaos too.”

Cal furrowed his brow in thought as his lips curled into a smile. There was so much there behind those eyes that looked so much like Nigel’s. He reached across the table for his love’s hand and squeezed it. “We agree on that- I too believe we have power over our fate. Every decision we make writes the script of our lives. We aren’t at the mercy of chaos, but to be brave enough to grab hold of our success takes courage and resilience. It’s not just lip service to me. It’s my life. That’s why I want to do the cleanse. I don't want to be controlled by my past or by...whatever was done to me.” He took another bite, blue eyes wide with sincerity.

It was the precise reaction Hannibal had wanted. Now that he’d steered the conversation in that direction, it would give Cal the closing confidence for what was needed, and all done in a way that made it seem as though it was his idea, and not Hannibal's. “Very observant, yes. At your suggestion. I am more than happy to help.”

Nigel rubbed his thumb over Cal’s hand. He knew what his brother was doing, but he also knew that Cal was capable too, and either way, no matter who’s idea it was, it needed to be done. He was eager to do anything to help his gorgeous darling. “We’ll get you cleaned the fuck out, baby. You just happen to have the two best at your service, even if I am the better looking one.”

As Hannibal gave Nigel a look, the the blond winked, then grinned toothily at Cal. He was finished eating. “Smoke time for me though.”

“Very well,” Hannibal said, taking one last bite. “I will begin tidying up.”

***

That next morning, Nigel rolled over, and feeling for Cal, who stirred with a sleepy murmur. The night prior had been spent...enjoying one another. Their dessert had been delectable to say the least. 

“Do you have to work today?” Cal asked, weaving his fingers together with Nigel’s.

Nigel kissed Cal’s knuckles, then his wrist, pressing against him from behind, arm wrapped around his lover’s smooth, muscular chest. When he spoke, it was against the delicate curve of his ear, which he took to placing soft kisses on. “No, darling. I took off today. Want to be here for you in anyway I can.” 

Cal sighed contentedly, blue eyes blinking open sleepily. He turned towards Nigel to kiss him. “It means everything to me that you’d do this. Thank you,” he whispered. 

Nigel kissed him softly, cherishing it. “You’re welcome. Nothing I wouldn’t do for you, baby.”

The Romanian kissed Cal once more, then got up. “Let’s get coffee yeah? I’ll smoke while you shower, maybe eat something since you’re not going to.”

Cal rose to shower and begin his day of quiet meditation. He spent his time doing yoga to focus himself and communing with the light. 

That evening, in anticipation of Hannibal and Nigel helping him as planned, Cal waited in the sauna, barefoot and clad in a white tee shirt and loose cotton gym shorts. He’d left a long length of white soft nylon rope on the bench for Hannibal to use, and sat quietly meditating. He’d prepared well for this and hoped it would prove fruitful. 

Hannibal and Nigel walked in at the same time. Nigel was in a black tank and sweats, and Hannibal was in grey slacks and a white button up shirt. The sleeves were rolled to the elbow, and the first few buttons undone. It was relaxed, for him at least. Nigel went over to stand near Cal, stroking his shoulder. He was about to speak when Hannibal began.

“Cal, I would like to further open your mind to what we are going to do. There is a technique I use at my office, Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, that I think will be quite helpful. It is essentially a light,” Hannibal explained, amused at the little unavoidable pun, “A light that will help you recall the memories which you want to reprogram. It will is rather fitting I would say. Will you allow me to help you in this way? Before your cleanse of course.”

Cal was seated then in the middle of the room and looked up at the men, finally focusing solely on Hannibal. “I’ve heard of something similar, with flashing lights. I trust you, Hannibal. Yes,” he conceded, blue eyes intense as they blinked up at him. 

“Excellent. Then I suggest we move to… perhaps an office or study?” Hannibal suggested, and Nigel nodded. “We can use my office.”

“Thank you. Then allow me a moment and I will meet you both there.”

“Sounds good, brother,” Nigel said, and offered Cal his hand. “C’mon, gorgeous. We’ll revisit the sauna shortly, yeah?” 

Cal grabbed a towel, rubbing it over his neck and face briefly before tossing it over his shoulder. “Yes, of course. That does seem more appropriate. I’m ready,” he replied, picking up his water bottle, and he followed the brothers to Nigel’s office.  
Once there, Cal sat comfortably in an armchair and sipped some more water, finally setting it down with the towel on the floor beside them. 

Hannibal sat in Nigel’s chair after he’d been gestured to do so. Then he had Nigel sit behind him. He didn’t want to affect them both, even if that would’ve been rather amusing on its own. In all reality, he would have preferred Nigel leave but he knew that was out of the question. 

“Very well,” Hannibal said, then turned on the light, which started to strobe and made sure the office light was off as well. “Think back as far as you can, Cal. What do you see? What do you smell? Memory and smells are so closely related that it beats out all of our other senses in this regard. Hold onto my voice as you begin your journey.”

Eyes closed, Cal’s breathing deepened as the light flicked off and on, making a clicking sound. “I’m in a cave...with Steve. He’s reading to me, from the Ladder book he’s written. There are flowers painted on the walls, but it’s cold, and dark. The only light are some torches. I keep shivering. He offers me a blanket, asks me to sit with him, and I do…” Cal pauses, his brow furrowed as a scared expression comes over him. He remains silent for several moments before continuing. “I don’t want to get in the sleeping bag with him, but he says I have to,” he whispered, his voice very small and shaking. “He says I have to.” Cal’s shoulders slumped forward and his head sagged in a submissive protective position.

“You’re waking now, waking, calm. Waking a in a pleasant area. You’re safe,” Hannibal said, observing Cal’s change in demeanor. Nigel nearly got up and went to him but Hannibal shook his head now. “Open your eyes, Cal, where are you?” 

Cal’s breathing slowly stabilized as he began drifting to the present, following Hannibal’s voice. He allowed himself to be guided, and gradually felt himself becoming aware of his physical body again, thinking about what he was being asked. “I’m with you, I’m here,” he finally said, opening his eyes. “I...I’m here.”

“Take a breath, and please, tell me, what was he making you do?” Hannibal asked after giving Cal a few moments to get his bearings. He was well aware that the memories had likely been unearthed now, and the cleanse could commence shortly. Nigel went over to Cal, crouching next to him to offer and support he might need. 

“I’m right here, baby.”

Cal blinked at Nigel, reaching out to hold his hand. “He...he wanted to sleep with me. He did. He slept with me. Touched me. As a child. When I was a child,” he said, his voice hallow and quiet. “I don’t know how to feel. Angry. Numb. Confused. Ashamed. What did I do...did I provoke him? Why?” he asked, looking at his hands.

Nigel took Cal’s hand, kissing it, as Hannibal watched. The good doctor had known that almost right away, but had needed Cal to come to that realization all on his own. He knew his brother was livid, but Nigel could not fight a ghost for his lover, even if he wanted to. 

“What you must realize Cal is that you did nothing to provoke him. He was a predator. A wolf in presence of a lamb. He did not guide you. He lead you astray, but in order to heal, to bask in the light once more, you needed to journey into the shadows of evil. Into the darkness, but you are not alone. Nigel and I are right beside you.”

Cal looked up wide-eyed and frightened at Hannibal, then at his brother. “Why would he do that to me? Are all my beliefs based on a lie? I thought I was really helping people. People have said I helped change their lives, but now…” he trailed off, voice shaking.

Nigel wrapped his arms around Cal, rubbing his arms, holding him close. He kissed his head, protectively, likely overcrowding but that was just how he was. Hannibal however, remained calm, but he didn’t like it either. One thing he didn’t condone was violence against children or cruelty to animals. Save for the occasional Ortolan for supper.

“What he did to you does not defile what you have done for your followers, Cal,” Hannibal pointed out, even if he didn’t personally believe in the Light Cal did. “When you are ready, I suggest we begin the cleanse.”

Nigel looked at Hannibal, snarling, but he kept his composure for Cal. “When he’s fucking ready. Exactly. Look at him now. I don’t want to keep fucking with his head like this,” he said, then looked Cal in the eyes. “Darling, none of this is your fault, do you hear me? Nothing like that will ever happen again. I’ll see to it personally. You can figure out your path and all later, but right now, we need you to get better, yeah? If that means cleanse or no cleanse, you have my love and my unconditional support.” 

Cal rubbed his eyes and took several long, slow deep breaths, in through his nose, out through his mouth. His held his hands out in front of him, eyes closed, puffing his cheeks out on the exhale, releasing old toxic energy, trying to let go of the painful memories and let them flow out through his fingertips. He knew he could get through this, get past it. Not over, but through and past. Opening his eyes, there was more of a clearness there. 

“Hannibal, thank you. That did help. I believe I’m ready for the cleanse,” he said, a seriousness in his face as Hannibal nodded his agreement. Cal turned to Nigel and took his hands, both of them in his own. 

“Nigel, my love, I need you there. But I also need you to know, I can do this, and more than that, I must do this. Steve took something from me, and I need to regain control, take my life back, my control. I can’t let him win. I won’t let him win. He was a selfish, damaged monster. But there’s still beauty in me, still capacity for me to help others. You’ve both shown me that today. The Light is real inside me. One man’s lies and sins don’t erase all the good in another, don’t void the truth and miracles I have seen The Light fulfill,” Cal finished with profound conviction as Nigel gazed at him with all the love in his heart. 

“My faith and my truth are real, and I’m seizing my future and healing.” Cal’s eyes flashed bright blue with a fire in them he’d never felt before.

As Hannibal got up to give the two a moment, and to set up in the sauna, Nigel kissed Cal’s hands. “I know baby. I know it is,” he said, even though he didn’t believe, he could see the conviction in his lover’s eyes. He liked seeing that, and the fire there. It was new, and seemed far more genuine than any he’d seen so far, not that Cal wasn’t sincere with him. “I’m fuckin’ proud of you, angel, and I have no doubts at all that you can do this. It’s why I encouraged it, you know? I’m here with you always. Through this, and everything else.”

Standing up, Nigel kissed Cal’s lips once and then gestured. “Let’s go do it then, hm? I want to watch you kick that dirty fuck right out of your head.” 

Cal nodded and smiled. “I need to hydrate, then I’m up for it,” he said, and went to go do just that. “Meet you back in the sauna….”

“Sure, baby,” Nigel agreed, then left so that Cal could take a moment. He went into the sauna, where Hannibal was setting up. 

“Are you prepared to do this, brother?” Hannibal asked.

“Course I am. You told me how to tie the ropes and all. You’re gonna guide us through it.”

“Indeed, yes.” Hannibal nodded, and handed Nigel a water. “Now might be the time for you to have a cigarette, should you choose to.”

“Right,” Nigel laughed, taking a few big swigs of water. He fished out his smokes and headed out, knowing Hannibal would greet Cal if he got back before Nigel. 

***

Cal had come back to the sauna to find Hannibal there, and settled in, knowing Nigel would be back momentarily. He took a few more swings of water “Thank you for your help, Hannibal. This means a lot to me,” he said, sitting down in the middle of the room. 

“Of course. It’s my pleasure to assist in facilitating your recovery, Cal,” Hannibal stated eloquently as he walked over to stand near Cal, his hands clasped behind his back. “Have you any questions for me before Nigel returns?”

Cal met Hannibal’s gaze firmly. “I know Nigel worries about me, but I’m not as delicate as he might think. I’ve actually survived a lot. A lot more than he knows, and I can handle this. I need it. I know he supports me unconditionally...but I don’t want him to worry so much, you know?” He said.

“I’m aware,” Hannibal stated, having seen Cal’s strength. He didn’t know all of the details of course, but he could see a lot. “My brother will never cease worrying for you, or loving you. It’s as much for himself as it is for you. He doesn’t view you as a fragile little teacup, but he does want you to be the mongoose under the house when the snakes slither by.” 

Cal tilted his head, curious at the metaphor and what Hannibal meant by it. “Why would I be under the house?” he asked with an inquisitive smile.

“Nigel wants to protect you from what he cannot. The ghosts of your past, or perhaps any future issues. He knows you are capable, but his love is unending. I’m confident that he would he give his very life for you,” Hannibal answered, smiling back. “How does that make you feel?”

Cal rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “It makes me love him. Endlessly. I’d give my life for him. No one has ever loved me that way,” he said, emotion welling in his throat. “Except for the Light, and Steve, I thought I’d never be loved that way. And Steve was a lie. In Nigel I found myself, my real authentic truth,” he confessed.

It was good. It was what Hannibal wanted to hear, and what he desired for his brother. “The bond between brothers is strong, but even more so when they shared a womb. Nigel and I, we are identically different and even though we’ve lived separate lives and had distinct upbringings, we still have an unbreakable bond. As such, I am immensely happy to hear you say that, and he is very lucky to have you, Cal.”

“Damn right I am,” Nigel agreed as he walked in, only having heard the last part. He winked at Cal, and walked over to give him a claiming kiss. “I’m ready whenever you two are, hm?”

“Yes. I am as well.” Hannibal nodded, moving to take his place as their guide. He handed Nigel the rope, something better than what had been planned. This was velvet, so it wouldn’t be abrasive but would still do the trick. “I hope this is suitable?”

Cal was glad for the smooth rope, and nodded. “It’s perfect, thank you. Please go ahead. I’m ready.” He placed his arms behind his back, raising his chin and straightening his back and shoulders. Soon he would be immobilized, and with restricted airflow being the primary objective, his posture would be critical. 

“Nigel will begin, I am merely here as a facilitator and guide,” Hannibal said, giving Nigel the go ahead. He’d worked with him earlier on how to tie the knots in a way that they could be tightened. So that’s what he did. To start, he just got them all in place. He was even proud of himself for not taking this to any sort of sexual place. Though later it might be nice to do, but no, for now, he was utterly serious in his task. Professional, one might say; more than anything he wanted to help Cal. When he had them ready and in place, he looked at Cal, as Hannibal adjusted to temperature in the sauna, adding a bit more steam. 

“How’s that, darling? Good to go, yeah?”

Cal inhaled deeper. “You can tighten them more. Go ahead,” he said. “Clearing what is blocking me, the last remnants. Pride. Fear. Anger…” the veins in his neck and arms became more prominent as heat built around him.

Hannibal watched as Nigel tightened the ropes, the veins in his forearms and neck also bulging from the strain. As he did so, as he held his position, the good doctor circled them, insuring that medically, all was sound, as well as preparing to do his part.

Cal’s breathing grew harder as his face reddened. “I was supposed to be the one. The chosen son. Steve said he...loved me, that the light chose me,” he said, his voice growing unsteady.

“See him, Cal. See Steve before you. Go back to that night in his tent. Into the sleeping bed you were forced to share. Rid yourself of him. Tell him what you wish you had had the voice to say decades ago,” Hannibal said, giving nod to Nigel for him to tighten the ropes again. Nigel did, grunting and taking a breath. Sweat dripping down his brow. 

Cal trembled, fists balled up. He couldn’t speak, he couldn’t say the words, couldn’t get them out. There was the blockage. It was his words, it was the fear. “Can’t, can’t. He’s the leader. He’s my father.” 

Nigel could barely take seeing his darling like this. Hannibal was about to speak when Nigel got in Cal’s face. Not menacingly, but quite the opposite. “You fucking can, baby. You can and you will. No real parent would ever do this shit to their kid, do you hear me? You’re better than he is, far fucking better. Don’t you let him win,” he said, and pulled on the ropes a bit more. “I’m here with you, but you have to pull the trigger, so to speak.” 

He was heaving against the ropes as they were pulled tighter, air becoming harder and harder to get into his lungs. Vision became blurred, the edges growing foggy, and as his external senses screamed for relief, his inner focus grew more pronounced. “Supposed to respect him, he’s the adult, he’s my father. I can’t. He took me in. My parents didn’t even want me. They didn’t want me. No one did but Steve,” Cal said, his voice small and weak.

“Listen to me, Cal, yeah? Stay with me. I want you. You’re not a kid anymore, you can take this fucker out,” Nigel said, as Hannibal watched. Doctor Lecter had decided to mainly just observe from here on out. He could do more with Cal should this not work, since he didn’t believe in the notion of the Light anyway. However, it could very well, as a sort of placebo effect. He was curious as to which would happen.

Cal heard Nigel as though he was far far away, way off in the distance, and in the foreground, he saw himself, as a child, cowering on the floor of that cave. Seeing the child like that- having a separation, being aware of himself in the present as an adult- filled him with rage. It shifted his perspective from helplessness to anger. He wanted to protect that child, shield him. 

Nigel tightened the ropes once more when Hannibal gave a nod, but he was concerned, really fucking concerned, and was about at the end of his rope, metaphorically. 

“Won’t...allow you to hurt him...fuck..you...Steve…” Cal gasped, muscles and veins bulging as his eyes opened, bloodshot, gasping for air. He fell off the chair to the floor, chest rising and falling hard.

Nigel was at his side in an instant, loosening the rope, and removing it entirely. He helped him up, and Hannibal - who had smelled the epiphany - brought over water, which Nigel took and opened it, getting it ready for when Cal wanted it.

“Good, baby. Fucking perfect. You see? I knew you’d do it,” he murmured, giving space but staying near. Nigel kept an arm around Cal for support. “Love you so much. Are you okay? Maybe you drink this water.”

Cal panted, slowly getting his breath, and took the water, siping on it. He nodded, not yet able to speak, sipping on the water and attempting to bring his heart rate back down. 

Hannibal walked over once Nigel moved, and looked at Cal in the eyes. “Listen to the sound of my voice, Cal. You are calm, waking. Waking in a comfortable room. You’re safe,” he said, guiding him. Nigel rubs on his lover’s back, both men aiding him. 

Cal rubbed his eyes and breathed deeper, focusing on Hannibal. “I’m...I’m here. I think I need a shower and some more water, then we can talk about all this,” he said, glad Nigel had removed the ropes already. “It was incredible.”

“Of course,” Hannibal stated, and got up. “I will go get more water.”

Nigel stepped in then. “Finish the one you have, baby, then the one he’s getting you, and we’ll shower or you can on your own,” he said. He didn’t want to suffocate him but he also wanted to offer support. “Anything you need, yeah? I’m glad it helped. Really fucking glad.”

Hannibal came in with the water, and handed it to Cal, who took it and began to drink. While he recuperated in that way, Nigel held a finger up and went to start the shower for Cal. He wanted to say so much, but he also knew he needed to rest. Returning, he rubbed his lover’s neck.

“Alright, darling. Shower’s ready. Hannibal and i’ll get something going so you can eat when you’re ready too,” Nigel said, and then Cal smiled tiredly up at Nigel and rose, kissing him in answer, in gratitude before heading to the shower. 

***

Cal let the cool water normalize his temperature as he closed his eyes under the spray. The experience of both the light therapy and the hypoxian cleanse had been intense but necessary, and he knew he still had much to work on. The kind of trauma he’d been through wasn’t something you just “got over”. It was a process, it would take time and work. Difficult work. However he’d made great strides, first in remembering what he’d been keeping down for so long. Second, in acknowledging that Steve wasn’t the “good guy” or hero he’d imagined him to be his entire life. Third, he’d gotten his power. In seeing himself in the context of an adult instead of a child, he was compelled to protect himself - defend himself - rather than cower in fear or collapse. These were all big strides. He had a lot to be proud of, though the road ahead would be hard. He still had his faith, too, which was incredibly important to him.

He scrubbed himself and watched the suds go down the drain, then rinsed and toweled dry, padded into the bedroom and got dressed in soft sweatpants and a tee shirt. Much more comfortable, he walked out to find the brothers in the dining room and re-hydrate a bit more and eat something light. 

Hannibal had prepared a simple protein scramble for Cal, sans the meat, at Nigel’s prodding. And the same for he and Nigel but with meat. It was on the table and ready, both men washed up and changed. Hannibal gestured and poured them each something to drink with a polite smile.

Nigel looked him over and grinned when he saw his darling. “Hey, gorgeous. Feeling better?”

“I think I do, actually, Nigel,” Cal answered. “I feel clearer than I have in a very long time.” He sat at the table and took a long drink of water, smiling appreciatively at both of them. “This smells very good, thank you. I hoped for something light.”

“I thought as much, yes,” Hannibal answered, giving a polite nod to Cal. “Nigel suggested this.” 

“Yeah, I know my darling,” Nigel added, reaching over to rub the love of his life’s thigh. He thought he could tell a difference of some sort, and it made him happy as fuck honestly. 

“Hannibal, I’ve heard of people refiling old traumatic memories in their brains, moving them from a place where they experience memories as they did at the age the events happened, and then at their present age, to empower them. It gives them more control, allows them to see themselves as in charge of their fate and their future instead of someone simply at the mercy of their past circumstances. What are your thoughts on this?” Cal asked him before taking a bite of food.

“It is what we were commencing with the light therapy, as most call it,” Hannibal explained, looking at Cal. He was impressed that he knew that much if nothing else. “If you wish, we could continue what we have started. I do not mind extending my stay at all.” 

Nigel rubbed his jaw, taking a big bite of his food. More contemplative than anything else. He wanted Cal to get better and while he could protect him in a lot of ways, he wasn’t a shrink. 

Cal’s azure gaze settled on Hannibal. “For a man who doesn’t have faith in the light, you place a lot of it on the individual, and I find that interesting. I also think you’re very skilled at what you do, and I’m grateful for how much you and Nigel have helped me. If you’re willing, I’d like you to continue to,” he said with a warm, open smile. 

Hannibal’s faith was more in himself than anyone else and certainly not in any light but he wanted to see what heights he could take Cal to. How he might be able to help him ascend a ladder, albeit in a distinctively different way. In truth, he did want to help him. It was for his brother as well. “I am certainly willing, yes. It would be my pleasure, Cal.”

***

Cal worked closely with Hannibal over the course of months, and with Nigel’s support, he began to heal from his past trauma and learn healthier coping mechanisms. He began to recognize old behaviors and replace them with new, healthier ones, and even stayed sober. He had to admit, he hadn’t expected this outcome from his relationship with the brothers, but he knew Nigel loved him and Hannibal was a good doctor it seemed. 

It had been a year since the handsome gangster had entered Cal’s life, and he invited Nigel to meet him for a walk along the beach boardwalk at sunset one late afternoon. Hannibal had bought a home nearby, having decided to be close, and was working on selling the one in Baltimore — which was where he was today. 

“Sure is fucking gorgeous out,” Nigel said with a grin, fingers laced with Cal’s. He was happy his darling had improved and that his brother was close now too. Hell, Mary and Darko, the baby, even Hawk and Vince were doing good. “Not as much as you though.”

Cal was nervous — overly so — though he knew he had no reason to be. He nodded and walked with him, bringing his knuckles up to his lips to kiss them and finally stopping. He turned, forcing Nigel to stop and turn to face him. Nigel raised both brows curiously. 

“Hey,” Cal started with a shaky breath. “I didn’t think when you showed up that day at my seminar that...that any of this would’ve happened. But here we are...and I love you so much.” 

Cal dropped to one knee, looking up at him as his big blue eyes glazed with tears. “Please just… just let me finish. I… there’s no one else I’d rather spend my life with than you. Nigel Ibanescu, will you marry me?” he asked, his voice cracking as he held a small silver band in his hand. It was engraved with their initials and the date they met. 

Nigel’s eyes instantly filled with salty wetness as he looked at the band and then at Cal. His heart pounded and for the first fucking time in his life he felt like he might pass out. Or well, he was weak in the knees, really. He pulled Cal up and kissed him passionately, taking the ring. “Fuck yes, baby. Yes!” he nearly shouted, kissing him again. He took the ring, looking at initials and the date smiling. “You beat me to this,” he whispered, and put the ring on. 

“I love you baby. Till death do us fucking part, hm?”

Cal was overjoyed, and fat tears ran down his cheeks in relief. He had hoped Nigel would say yes, and he blinked up at him as he clutched his biceps to steady himself. “You’ve made me the happiest man….I’m yours. Yes. Til death do us fucking part,” he grinned broadly, and slid his arms around Nigel’s neck to kiss his lips.

Nigel laughed roughly at that and kissed him passionately. “Yeah, baby. And I’m yours. Love the ring too. I have one for you at home actually,” he said, happier than he’d ever been. Cal was his whole world. His everything. “Hannibal will try to make our wedding something frilly and shit, so we need to make sure that doesn’t happen,” he laughed. “Unless you want that. I want our wedding to be whatever you want, gorgeous.”

Cal shook his head. “I don’t want anything big. I only want you. I don’t even really have anyone I care to invite. Hawk and Vince. A couple folks maybe. Small though. I’m not into making a huge thing as long as you’re there and we’re good that’s all that matters to me,” he answered. He couldn’t stop staring at Nigel, the way the sun setting in the sky glowed on his bronze skin and high cheekbones. He looked so handsome, long hair across his forehead and his glittering eyes like jewels. 

Nigel preened under that attention, equally lost in the blues, greens, and hint of gold in Cal’s multifaceted hues. He smiled. “Then we’ll keep it simple, baby. That’s what I think too honesty,” he said, his tone a deep, honeyed rumble. Taking his fiance's hand, he kissed there, over where his ring would soon be. “No one can take us from one another. Promise you that, angel. I love you so much. So goddamned much. You...you’ve given me a steady foundation. A purpose.”

“And you’ve done the same for me. You’re my ladder and my light,” Cal smiled, beaming at Nigel. “Let’s make our own Garden together.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We wanted to share this video, as it was something we felt was partial inspiration for the feel and theme of the relationship between Cal and Nigel for this story. Hope you enjoyed this work as much as we did creating it; each and every one of these is like a precious baby to us, and getting to share that with you means everything to us. Thank you for reading!
> 
> Credit: X Ambassadors "Unsteady" Official Video (We own nothing, all credit to artist.)  
> https://youtu.be/V0lw3qylVfY


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